When people hear I’m a Christian Scientist they either ask, “Oh, like Tom Cruise*?” or "So you don’t believe in doctors?"and the favorite follow-up, “What would you do if your apendix burst?”
*Before Tom was so high profile in Scientology the question was just “Is that like Scientology?” I can assure you, it is not.
That’s my understanding of Christian Scientists - am I wrong?
While we don’t typically avail ourselves of their services, we certainly believe they exist. I have neighbors and even relatives (in-laws) who are doctors. To me, it’s akin to saying atheists don’t believe in priests. The way the question is most often phrased is not quite in keeping with what I believe is really wondered.
And if I were to decide to seek medical treatment for some condition or other, I would not (as has also been asked of me) be thrown out of church. My son was born in a hospital, for instance.
Thank you. That usage often annoys me.
(bolding mine)
Child Service Advocate?
Confederate States Army?
Canadian Soccer Association?
Centro Sportivo Alagoano?
Cardiothoracic Surgical Associate?
Congregation Sister of St Agnes?
Cyclic Strain Attenuator?
I got twenty pages of results!
Maybe it’s just me, but this is just screaming for an “ask the carny” thread. 
I don’t think it’s incorrect, though. For example, while I certainly believe John “biggest douche in the universe” Edward exists, I can also say I don’t believe in [the psychic skills of] John Edward.
Likewise, I am aware of the fact of the existence of Scientology, but I sure don’t believe in [the dubious dogma of] Scientology.
I think you know full well what I meant - but thank you for the clarification.
Chief Software Architect. What I wanna know is, who’s Bill?
I have a crew out working on a power plant project on the west side of the Central Valley. In the management document it shows them all cross-listed as archaelogists and “air quality specialists!”
When people find out I’m a Professional Driver they always say:
“Oh. You’re a ‘Truck Driver’.”
:rolleyes:
Well, no.
I build things out of wood sometimes. That does not make me a Cabinet Maker. I also play a guitar. That does not put me on any level approaching Eric Clapton. (I doubt that there is anyone on the face of the planet that would pay to hear me play.)
But give me some wheels and an engine, and I’m good to go.
Ever see those Jeep commercials? Ever notice the disclaimer at the bottom? They don’t make it really obvious, like this:
Professional Driver. Closed course. Do not attempt.
But they should, though. There is a (I feel) very good reason why they put that disclaimer on the ads. Even after years of ‘practice’, most people simply do not understand how to operate a vehicle, let alone obtain optimum performance. For example:
During our recent snow storm here in Northern Nevada, I got to recreate one of those Jeep* commercials. It weren’t a closed course, just a neighborhood that the county makes no attempt to plow out. Some of my neighbors tried to get their (non-Jeep) vehicles out of our subdivision so they could get to work. (From a Nissan Sentra and a Ford Taurus to the big bad one ton dually 4X4 pickup with a 6" lift kit.**) Didn’t make it. One of my neighbors even got his road grader stuck while trying to plow the road (he’s a welder that bought an old road grader, but he is not a grader operator!). Snow drifts were an average of 18", up to 38" in some of the bad spots.
Eighteen of my neighbors were willing (one might say eager, even!) to pay to see this Professional Driver demonstrate his talent, which is obtaining optimal performance from a vehicle. It’s not that the vehicles weren’t up to the task at hand. Far from it - I got every single one of them (including the road grader) out. It was more a matter that the drivers weren’t up to the task.
And, no, I didn’t charge them. I did it just to help them out. Just bein’ neighborly and all that. 
Besides …
Every single one of them were in my way! :eek:
Yes, some us do drive trucks. As a matter of fact I do, in my present employment, happen to use a truck (specifically, a super tanker) to earn a living.
I am not, however, a ‘truck driver’.
Lucy
*Yes, my choice for a personal vehicle is a Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo, not a Kenworth. Why do you ask?
**Note to neighbor: It may look cooollllllll, but it’s impractical as hell. Takes so much power just to turn those huge tires over that there ain’t hardly no horsies left to move the vehicle through those deep snow drifts. Oh, and those big, wide, knobby tires may be great in the mud or sand, but they’re worse than worthless in the snow or on ice. The word ‘dangerous’ leaps to mind. Get yourself some skinny-assed good old-fashioned snow tires. You might think it’ll look funny but trust me - it won’t look as funny as it does behind a tow truck. Oh, and - since you spent sooooo muuuchhh money building it - please learn how to drive your truck so we don’t have to do this again, okay?
I’d like to take an ‘advanced’ driving course. How did you become a professional driver? Do they have classes?
In defense of we poor non-professionals, I must point out that we just don’t need your skills very often. A couple of years ago, I was one of many cars unable to get up a hill after a bad snow. The nice police officer had to tell me what to do because I had never driven uphill on ice in two decades of driving.
Upon hearing that you smoke pot, people immediately assume you are a lazy, shiftless, irresponsible slacker who lives on your mother’s sofabed in her basement and can’t hold down a job. And you also must love the Grateful Dead. You couldn’t possibly be a responsible, tax-paying homeowner, society-contributing professional with an excellent credit rating. And have good taste in music.
As an editor, I get the same thing: “I need to watch my grammar around you.” As if I’m going to go around being the grammar/spelling/punctuation/usage police and I will feel compelled to make you feel like an idiot by correcting every other sentence. Just because you *are *an idiot, doesn’t mean that I am a mannerless monkey who likes to show everyone what a smartypants I am by publicly embarrassing people.
Or, they tell me they don’t know how to use semicolons and expect a grammar lesson when they actually asked me a punctuation or usage question. ETA: Or, they tell me I’m wrong because I answered the semicolon question based on Chicago Manual of Style rules as opposed to AP, MLA, or whatever the hell style your fifth grade teacher taught.
I do not tell people who live in the state of Florida and have children where I work. I work for a giant publishing company that produces large-scale statewide student assessments. No, I am not personally responsible for No Child Left Behind, it’s not my fault your kid can’t read, write, or add on grade level, and all I do is move the commas around. I’m a comma monkey. I assure you, it’s not interesting or glamorous at all. And no, I don’t want to her about how the test should be abolished. Because then I will be unemployed.
FCAT, eh? I gather from a recent episode of Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me in Jacksonville that claiming allegiance to the FCAT in public down there is about as bad as defending Osama Bin Laden.
When people hear I’m on Vikodin, they immediately ask if they can have one.
I’d make a House joke.
The simple answer is: Yes. They have classes. The course I took ohhh so many years ago was 16 weeks long. But all that got me was a Commercial Driver License (CDL). You can now find CDL mills that can get you your CDL in under 10 days. :::shudders violently::: Becoming a Professional Driver takes a combination of training, skill, miles, more miles, even more miles, more training, more miles, discovering your talent, even more miles …
And time and experience. Lots and lots of time and experience. And, hopefully, no mistakes that could cost somebody their life.
I need to add one thought to what I said in my other post: Not all Professional Drivers drive trucks, and, more frighteningly, not all truck drivers are professionals.
I really do need to start proper “Ask the” thread, but I fear that (at least right now) my schedule will not allow me to attend to it properly.
My previous Pit thread may answer some of your other questions. (Don’t worry, I put it in the Pit 'cause I thought it was going to get nasty. It never did. Go figure …)
:dubious:
Uhhhhh, wasn’t that a vehicle I saw you ‘driving’ down the road at 75 mph? Some questions: How much room do you need to stop if the car in front of you (or beside you) blows a tire and starts fishtailing all over the highway? Whatcha gonna do? Where is your escape route? Questions 9, 11, 22, 67 & 68 …
… And what if, you know, just maybe, someday, you find yourself faced with needing to get up a hill that is covered with ice? :eek:
True, you may not need all of my skills (my vehicle is just a tad larger than yours), but you do need a fair percentage of them. Certainly more than you have picked up over the years just toolin’ 'round the countryside. And you almost certainly have developed a significant number of bad habits (that you aren’t even aware you have) that you need to get rid of …
Seriously, please check with your licensing authority (the folks who issued your driver license) or, even better, your insurance company to find out where you can take an advanced driving skills course. They are usually fairly inexpensive, your insurance company will probably give you a rate decrease, it’s worth every penny, and it just might give you the skills that will save your life and those of your loved ones someday. (Can I do a run-on sentence, or what???)
Oh, yeah, about that “very often” part - think about this: what do you do when you need those skills and haven’t taken the time to develop them??? Trust me on this. Read on:
After 24 years of driving, I sent my wife to a course in February, 2000, (it was my Valentine’s Day present to her) that cost me $115 US and netted us a 15% discount on our insurance. It gave her the skills that saved her life one snowy morning five years ago. The wreck ended her career as a CNA and she ended up permanently disabled, but she’s still walkin’ (more or less), talkin’ (way too much, in my opinion), and suckin’ air (way to loud).
I saw what was left of the other vehicles :::shudders violently again::: she should have died that morning. But the skills she had developed got her off the road and away from the worst part of the pile-up. She totaled the car but she was able to avoid contact with the other six vehicles in which two people died a fiery death. :::shudders even more violently:::
Okay. I’m done. Sorry if this sounds a little snarky - but your life and the lives of others are at stake and this is way too important a subject to take too lightlly.
Special Note To The OP: Sorry for the hijack. Seems to happen every time I open this subject … Sooo,
Y’all keep an eye out for my All New “Ask the Professional Driver” thread coming soon* to a forum near you.
Lucy
*Well, someday anyway. We’ll see how much interest there is …
Just letting you know, Lucy I’d love to see what you might say in such a thread. I can’t think of many questions, myself, but I’ll enjoy reading your answers to others.
Somehow, I don’t expect to have that problem anytime soon. With that, I’m having a bit of trouble figuring out just how my life would be any better if I had the business card of a nearby professional driver on my person at all times.
Me too.
I’m a big fan of one of the points you threw out in the other thread - four wheel drive will not make you STOP faster, douche!
Well, your chauffeur would presumably be nearby at all times. Why don’t you hire one of them and make him some business cards?
*actually, I was talking about getting graders through 3 foot drifts
nope, I just do not see that in my life*
Continuing education for drivers is currently a hot topic in my state. There is yet another push to require road tests for elderly drivers. That could morph into insurance rate cuts for everyone who is tested voluntarily.