When people talk about "The one that got away" they mean...

In My Humble Opinion
1

The phrase “the one that got away” can be used in all three ways listed below, but which one way do you think is the most common usage?

In other words, if several someones said “__ is the one that got away” and none further elaborate, which definition do you think you’d correctly interpret the most speakers to mean?

a. a former lover the speaker regrets things didn’t work out with
b. someone the speaker regrets never having had the chance to be in a relationship with
c. someone the speaker regrets having turned down the chance to be in a relationship with.

2

Probably a, a former lover. “Got away” implies that the person “had” them at one time, and somehow or other let them slip away.

3

They all could apply, but a. would be most likely.

4

I’d say A or C, maybe leaning towards A a bit.

5

My answer is B. The idiom is most closely associated with (and probably originates from) angling, where you never actually had the fish that got away - you tried to get it, but it escaped. So you never had it, and certainly not for lack of trying, so neither A nor C apply.

6

To me, A. None of the others would occur to me.

7

Except that in this case “getting it” implies marriage - the speaker tried to reel him or her in, but failed. Everything up to marriage, including any sort of relationship, is considered part of the struggle to land the catch.

So to speak.

8

Another vote for A.

9

Which is why it’s A.

B is all the hundreds of fish who never even go for the hook - you dangle the bait out there, but they ignore it, never see it, or whatever. The one that got away is the one that strikes, but you never actually set the hook, so it slips off the line while you’re trying to reel it in.

In other words, the person you get into a relationship with, but they leave before it gets to the point of marriage/other form of permanent commitment. Not the ones you hit on, or flirt with, or ask out, but get nowhere with - the ones who don’t go for your bait.

10

Or IOW they got away before they became “the one that wouldn’t go away”.

I wouldn’t say it has to be a permanent commitment. But it usually speaks to some unresolved lack of closure. Generally accompanied by feelings of “what if?” The relationship had to be close enough that there was an actual chance of something happening (more than just longingly pining from afar), and yet some set of circumstances never allowed it to come to fruition. If you date someone for a few weeks or months and it doesn’t work out, they aren’t the “one that got away”.

A classic example would be Jim and Nadia the foreign exchange student from American Pie and American Pie 2. His dad even refers to her as “the one that got away”. They had mutual feelings for each other, but mostly though his awkward blundering, it just never happened. That left him with his “what if” feelings until she returned at the end of the second movie and by then he had realized he had moved on.

11

Any of A-C, really. A is the most obvious interpretation but B “The girl I never had the guts to ask out but probably would have said yes dammit” and C “The girl I would have had if only I hadn’t been being stupid/shallow/fucked by someone else” are also valid. Anyone who has more than 1-2 “ones that got away” is just being selfish though :slight_smile:

I think msmith537’s “lack of closure” bit is about right. An element of “so close!” is enough even if a relationship didn’t actually happen.

12

Hmm. So I had the right logic, just didn’t follow it through far enough! :slight_smile:

I still think B is the answer to the OP I would go for. But my answer is probably coloured by my experience - I have had several “Bs” but no “As” or “Cs”.

ETA: to elaborate further, if had experience of “A” that would almost certainly change my answer.

13

I always think of Tracy Edwards.

14

I’ll put this in a spoiler box in case more people want to respond

My prediction was that most people would say A, but I’ve heard many mean B too. B makes more sense to me as well, given that it’s clearly related to fishing and the one you didn’t hook, and few people seem to mean the person they wish they’d actually married opposed to the one they wish in some vague way that it had worked out with.

15

Another vote for A - never thought of it any other way.

16

B. There are good reason’s all the A’s didn’t work out, and i experienced them first hand - but I can pine for my ideal imaginary relationship with those perfect angel B’s that I never got the chance with.

17

Most commonly, A. To a lesser degree, C. The one that got away is the one that you had an opportunity with, but lost nonetheless. B is right out. Natalie Portman is the one that got away because I “regret never having had the chance to be in a relationship with her?” She didn’t “get away”; she never even knew of my existence.

18

I vote B.

“Never had the chance to be in a relationship with”? Been there, done that.

I was once in a relationship, while okay, went south later. I had always been interested in another woman, who stated loudly and often that her relationship was only so-so. This whole group of people was… well, not ‘tight’, not ‘bff’s’, not ‘close’… but we were all friendly enough to each other.

When I left town to pursue another opportunity, all these friends threw me a party :: teary-eyed sniff-sniff. Thanks, guys! Everybody came and delivered their personal goodbyes. It was nice. When ‘The One Who Got Away’ had her turn, I admitted (on the sly, not to be heard by current gf) that I had always liked her and would have rather been going out with her.

I quickly received a rather hard and painful punch in my chest. She replied (also on the sly) “DAMMIT! I knew you liked me!”

If either of us had not been in relationships, then I might have summoned the gumption to ask her out. You never know.

Lesson learned via 20/20 hindsight: It is a gamble to let go of the bird in the hand to get the two in the bush, but sometimes it can be a good gamble.

On the bastard side of the coin: I knew two friends who were cool, but not close. I thought his gf was way cool. I tried to cockold him by telling her that she was very pretty / smart / etc and she could do much better than him. She got mad at me. :frowning: Never saw her again.

A year later, I saw her again with another bf. She told me she found out her ex had another gf at the same time. She thanked me for opening her eyes.

I didn’t have the gumption to ask for a finder’s fee.

:smack:

19

I’ve always thought of it as “A”: even if you know you will someday find (or already did find) someone who is better for you, and you know that trying again would be foolish or even impossible, you wonder. You ‘got’ them, you ‘lost’ them (even if you ended it), and for whatever reason, you think later, “Hey, I wasn’t finished yet.”

20

A.

Something can’t “get away” unless you have it, to begin with.