Honestly? I think my son wants to be with me all the time, not with my ex-husband (not that there’s anything wrong with his dad; but my son has always preferred me to his dad), so I think he wants to know that he can contact me (his dad would be unlikely to allow him to call me as frequently as he would like, although I do think he needs to learn independence).
Last summer, my neighbor watched my son one day a week, and my son wanted to have his own house key, “in case I need anything during the day.” Even though my neighbor had a house key, my son still wanted to know that he could go into the house IF HE WANTED/NEEDED TO. So I gave him a key; he never used it but it made him feel better to have it.
The difference here is that a cell phone is more costly than a spare key. I can’t see the justification in spending the money simply to make him feel better.
How so? Because they can call someone they shouldn’t? That’s a reason not to give a 14 year old a cell phone, not a seven year old. And if it’s a pre-pay with only an hour or two on it, they can’t run up the bill and you’ll know if they start calling someone that isn’t you. Because they might lose it? Good way to teach a harsh lesson. Because they don’t really need it? It’s good to give kids things they really want on occasion, just so that you can take them away in a pinch.
Have three kids, the oldest got a mobile when they started high school aged 13, #2 starts next year and will get one then if they want. They haven’t asked.
However at the local primary school (ages 6-12) a recent search/survey found that the children had brought over 600 phones at school. Which is curious because there are 525 children there. Apparently almost a third have two mobile phones (often one from each parent). The biggest problem the teachers have is parents phoning their children during class time.
I’m not an actual parent. ;), but I think I would insist any child of mine to have one. Yes, they are always with an adult/supervised at that age, but for my own peace of mind in case anything ever did happen and he was separated/alone/needed a ride, I’d want my child to have one as soon as they knew how to use one.
My son’s high school does. They can carry phones, but the phones have to be turned off. My son has a Tracfone. We pay for the minimum number of minutes, and he knows that if he goes over (he never has), he either has no phone for the remainder of the service period or he pays for more minutes himself.
One of the things it’s been very handy for is to text him reminders that he’ll get when he turns on his phone after school.
My high school didn’t let us have our phones on either, but that didn’t stop us from hiding them and using them in the bathroom, when the teachers’ back was turned in class or the hallways, etc. Not that I am suggesting your son would do such a thing!
I used to be a nanny for a seven year old and an eight year old who were spoiled beyond belief. They both had cell phones. They were really into them for a while, but once the novelty wore off, it was like any other toy that eventually got broken, lost, or unused.
Can’t speak for others, but our 12 year old daughter does not need her own cell phone. Hence she does not have one. As far as I can tell, the *only *reason she wants one is because “everyone else has one.” Sorry, but that’s not a good enough reason for me.
On the couple of occasions where I thought she might need one for emergency purposes, I simply lent her mine.
IMO, too many parents nowadays do not know how to say “no.” It is *so *much easier to give in. I am one of the mean parents who says “no” on a frequent basis.
Sure, it’s a little bit excessive, decadent, whatever. But it would be similar in cost to say, a bicycle, or a set of rollerblades, or a pair of designer sneakers, or a couple of video games - it’s not like we’re talking a thousand bucks here. No 7 year old really NEEDS a cell phone. But I don’t really see anything inherently wrong with it. It might actually foster a sense of maturity & responsibility - although I wouldn’t hold my breath. More likely it’ll just be a toy that gets old after a few weeks and maybe gets dug out for special occasions.
But you don’t say “no” to everything non-essential, do you? I understand what you mean about having to set boundaries, and that kids certainly shouldn’t get anything and everything they want, but just because another parent is saying “yes” to something you said “no” to does not mean that they are saying “yes” to everything else. Furthermore, I think there is a big difference between not getting a kid a cell phone she wants as a status symbol and not getting a kid a cell phone he wants as a way to feel more connected to his mom when he’s away from her.
I’d say a cell phone is appropriate when a child is old enough to be away from direct supervisions- 12 sounds about right.
The kid can use his Dad’s phone to contact you. If his Dad does not let him use the phone as often as he’d like (assuming it’s reasonable) it’d be a good lesson in independence and learning to use resources appropriately.
I’m giving my kids cell phones when they need them. They have to give me a well thought out proposal for why they need them, what rules they will follow, and the consequences for breaking the rules.
My 12 year old has one because he is often on his own and takes a less-than-reliable bus to school. He know that he pays for any texts by himself and that if he misplaces his phone, he’ll pay for a replacement.
The younger kids would like one, but they don’t need them and they are too irresponsible to take good care of one.
I didn’t actually get my first cell phone until I’d graduated high school, but not a lot of people in my class had them until then, so there wasn’t really any peer pressure. I would have liked to have had one in middle school, though, if just because sometimes my dad got confused as to when he was supposed to pick me up from various functions. So I’d say around 12 or 13.
I gave my kids theirs at 11 when they started to ride the school bus instead of me walking them to school so at least I know they got there in one piece. Their school actually prefers that they have one so parents aren’t bothering the receptionist to remind Johnny he has a dentist appointment. In practice it is mostly used to text the kid sitting on the other side of the bus :-/
The big deal in my house right now is apparently everyone in grade 6 has a Blackberry. I know that most of these kids have their Dad’s old Blackberry from his last upgrade but even so, I still think it’s too ostentatious for an 11 year old to have a Blackberry instead of a cheap pay as you go phone. My husband just rolls his eyes at me…I have an old Blackberry I could give my daughter…but you know, I worked hard and earned that little luxury and I have a problem just giving it away to a kid.
Twin One is obsessed with every gadget she sees. Twin Two could care less. She’s been in Jordan on a school trip the last 9 days and has sent 1, four word text. For all I know she’s been trampled by a camel.
The hardest thing, especially when you’ve grown up with very little, is resisting the urge to give your kids everything you didn’t have, just because you can. Sadly I do cave in more often than not and I suspect they are in for a big shock when they have to start providing for themselves.
And it does seem kind of stupid to leave the Blackberry in a drawer just to make a point.
8th grade for our son–when he graduated 8th, actually. At that point he started to be more out on his own, and there was a real need from our perspective. He never seemed to be dying for one, either, though he did think it was cool when he got one.
If the child sees it as a status gadget, then it’s a bad idea, I agree. But from my perspective it’s a tool - a communication device. It would allow my daughter to communicate a need if she were hurt or lost, and it would give me the ability to call her if something went wrong and I was going to be late. My daughter will have one as soon as she’s old enough to dial it. I see it as a safety issue.
Cell phone as security blanket? That’s something only you can decide. If your son is feeling neglected when he’s at his Dad’s, and you can ameliorate any long-term damage by making yourself more accessible, then you should do so. He doesn’t have to carry it to school, or all the time, you can let him have it when he’s going to be away from you. If it’s just a matter of giving him a sense of empowerment in a world that changes constantly, I really don’t see anything wrong with that at all.
It’s also worth noting that “multiple phone number syndrome” was a big social problem for some of my friends growing up. Little kids don’t talk much, but they do call, and a kid who might be at one of 2-3 numbers is unlikely to get a call from a friend, ever. If he has his own number that moves with him, then his friend can call just to say “Hey, are you watching channel X, your favorite characters on!”
This idea that a cell phone is some sort of corrupting influence is just silly. It’s a telephone. In case you hadn’t noticed, those corner call boxes we all relied upon growing up have gone with the wind. A kid without a phone will find it quite difficult to call home if he/she needs to do so.
I came into this thread expecting it to be about a 12 or 13 year old. When I saw that the child is SEVEN it surprised the hell out of me.
By the time I was in the 8th grade about half the kids in my class had cell phones. I got my first one when I was a freshman in high school. Nowadays I don’t even have a house phone. Why bother?
Heh. I’ve always wondered if this was part of the school design or not, but you can’t get a signal anywhere in the building. I did a craft show there when I did credit card processing via phone, and I had to walk outside every time someone wanted to use plastic!
My just-turned 11yrs daughter has had a cell for several years now (paid for by her aunt with my/wife’s prior approval) and is very, very responsible with it. She keeps in touch with us when she goes to grocery store a few blocks away and other little ‘trips’, and also uses it to routinely text her friends/cousins who live out of town. She has proven responsible enough to alleviate my worries, though there was a learning curve to the matureness of things done. Same as everything else in life, and I am glad that she has it with her when she is playing out of earshot/sight in the neighborhood. She has to know (and be in fear of!) so much more than I did at her age…and she is fluent with most techno aspects where I sometimes gotta dig through the manual. Being comfortable with needed tech is a plus these days, but seven years old does seem to be the extreme low end of exposure (IMHO). Getting pretty close to ‘that age’, though, IME of raising three kids.
Some kids learn/mature at different times, so the age varies when they will know what is appropriate. However, in today’s rush to have kids be adults sooner than later, IMHO, exposing them earlier to how things are done just might help them ‘evolve’ with the times (techno speaking). It takes the mysteriousness out of it. A few years ago, I also gave my daughter very basic car-driving lessons/experience on the county dirt roads should there ever be an (emergency) need to operate a vehicle, and now she knows what to do, but would never try to use a car otherwise. A seven year old ain’t quite there yet, but won’t take long before they are
Kids ain’t the same as they used to be where technology is concerned. Always makes me smile when I hear of a youngster saving a life due to their knowledge of using communication tools (call 911 or whatever).
