When Toddlers Swear! This week on FOX!

These stories have been cracking me up.

LieuLieu is too young to talk yet but when she falls or bumps her head, she lets loose with a bunch of focused gibberish that are, I’m quite sure, little baby cuss words she’s made up just for the occassion.

My children also gained a talent for the vernacular at an early age. Two incidents stand out in my memory:

My oldest, when he was 2, would wake up each morning and then climb into bed between his parents. One morning, for no apparent reason, he pointed at the curtains and announced, “Those are fuckers”. Though I was curious as to what he had against the curtains, I felt it might be best to explain that he shouldn’t use that language. “When you feel you have to use a bad word”, I explained to him, “say darn or heck instead.”

The next morning he climbed into bed between us once again. He pointed at the curtains and stated, “Those are heckers.”

His brother, also at age two, preferred to disparage people rather than curtains. Once, he was napping on the couch when a couple of friends, whom my son was not familiar with, stopped by. When he woke up he greeted the two strangers. “You fucks”, he said.

My niece has picked up my sister’s foul mouth. She’s better now that she’s 9, thank jod, but when she was around 4, I bumped my knee or something and said, “oh, fuck!” Well, doesn’t she just get up on a chair and start screaming, “she said FUCK! She did! She said it! She said Fuck!” and I’m saying, “Rachel, knock it off, don’t say that!” and she says, “Well you DID! you DID! You DID say FUCK! You Did! She Did! She said FUCK! She said it! SHe Said FUCK!” I practically had to chloroform the kid to get her to stop!

I remember my little cousin spilling her drink at Christmas Eve dinner and saying, “Oh shit!” when she was about two. (Of course it came out as “oh sit!” but the effect was the same.

(Christ, I just realized said cousin is going to be 13 years old…yikes…)

I have several storys but I will only bore you with a few.

Our oldest child, now 6 then 2 1/2, dropped something when some neighbors were visiting and she said, under her breath, “Oh, shit!” Needless to say, at least for a while, I quit saying that in front of the kids.

So, when our second child was about 2, a similar thing happened and she used my mother’s favorite phrase, “Damnit!” under her breath.

I always thought it was funny how they not only pick up the words but also the correct usage. :wink:

Now our second child, now 3 1/2, has picked up Mtgman’s current phrase from his time spent playing Everquest, “suxor”. One day recently in the car she dropped something and says at the top of her lungs “SUXOR!” Mtgman and I almost couldn’t stop laughing. :smiley: At least this time the word isn’t totally recognized as foul language.

one of the wee members of my family had trouble with the t-r combo. he turned the t-r into f, like your katcha. my aunt mary was very fast with a hand muzzle on walks. mike would go into overdrive at the sight of trucks.

Murray, my brother-in-law, is a logger. He and my sister were in a restaurant with a bunch of his friends and co-workers. He was kidding around with my niece, Erin, who was about three or four years at the time. Erin became irritated with her dad and loudly called him a “bug eyed dickhead” in front of all his friends. I wish I could have been there to see it. It makes me laugh out loud to hear them tell people about it.

I was a quiet, happy baby. So much so that my Mom thought for a long time that I might very well be retarded. I didn’t speak until late in babyhood; didn’t even say much gibberish. I guess I was just biding my time…

Because my firtst ever words, spoken from the car seat, in reference to a nearby vehicle, were: “A big blue FUCK!”

I work as a crossing guard, and usually the younger kids are more polite to me than the the middle-school kids (hoodlums!) but one particular day while working by an elementary school a first-grader was riding a bike across the crosswalk, and I politely asked him to please walk it across the stree. To which he replied, “Fuck you!” I was absolutely flabbergasted.

We were out at playground this morning, which is near a set of train tracks. Today the gates signaled that something was coming, and it turned out to be a tree truck (has those special wheels to drive on the tracks). One of the girls who has a speach impediment commented " Oh, it’s a truck," but since she has the same problem with tr words…one of the boys looked at her and said, quite seriously " [insert name] don’t say F*ck."

Not really swearing, but my friend made the mistake of allowing his four-year-old son to watch Family Guy on video.

All was well until the boy’s mother told him to go to bed that night, only to receive the response, a-lá Stewie, “Damn you, woman!”

My friend eventually stopped laughing when his wife started beating him!

Not my kids, but my husband…

When he first came to Australia, his English wasn’t very good, and we communicated in Japanese a lot. I took him to meet my grandma on Easter Sunday.

We walk in, say hi, I introduce my man. She gives him an Easter egg. He drops it and promptly says “Sh*t”.

To her credit, all she did was raise her eyebrows and say “Well, there’s nothing wrong with YOUR English, is there?”.

They get along like a house on fire now.

And to think when I said “dammit” when I fell down a flight of wooden stairs when I was 6, I got my mouth washed out with soap. To this day I rarely curse.

StG

Have we tried not swearing at all around the kids by chance?

Really, what’s the point in using asterisks to poorly obscure obscenity? Everyone knows you’re saying fuck except you’re just implementing a non-letter in place of its vowel.

I was cured (mostly) of swearing in front of children when my two-year-old daughter dropped a toy while my mother was over. She looked up at her grandma with her angelic little face and said very clearly, “Shit.”

I knew I’d reformed successfully when my second daughter was the same age. I was trying to unlock the front door with my hands full and I dropped my purse, which spilled all over the front step. My little one looked at it and at me and said, “Oh, shoot.”

Nowadays I try to keep the music in the car loud enough that they can’t make out the words I’m muttering under my breath.

My sister and b-i-l were babysitting a friend’s kid last weekend and had some visitors. They decided they needed to teach Brett a phrase so he could go home and tell mom and dad he had learned something over at Auntie Becky’s. The convo went something like this:

Rebecca: Ya know, we need to teach Brett a new phrase so he can show off to mom and dad.

Brain: HELL, yeah!

Oops :slight_smile:

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When I was little my father was watching me one day in late fall and it started snowing those big sloppy snowflakes. He was on the phone with a neighbor and said, “Look at that son of a bitch snow.”

For the rest of the winter, every time I saw the white stuff: “Sumnabitch snow! Sumnabitch snow!”

Erg. ‘Brain’ should be ‘Brian’. Although if said in a sarcastic manner…

Kiddo said, “God damn it!” in front of my MIL and her sister. Thank goodness they’d been drinking, they thought it hilarious.

It took me about eight months to switch her (me, really) to “Gosh darn it.” Now she’s taken to telling Daddy, “you’re driving me insame!”

It’s only a related anecdote, but a friend of mine has told me the story of when he was visiting his brother’s family and got his brother’s four year-old daughter alone in the kitchen, gave her a toy rifle and taught her to say “Die, you gravy-sucking capitalist pig!”

The niece ran into the living room, startling my friend’s brother and sister-in-law, and delivered her message.

Her father was surprised and asked her to hand him the gun.

And she “shot” him.