When you die & go to Heaven, what 3 pieces of equipment would you like to be issued?

In My Humble Opinion
1

The way it goes is, you die and go to Heaven and they issue you a harp, a pair of wings, and a halo. Well, what if you didn’t want a harp, wings and a halo? I can think of more interesting things to spend Eternity messing around with. I mean, if you think about it, a harp is basically a solo instrument, at least, the small Celtic-type of harp that are always pictured in the illustrations. So that sounds like kind of a lonely way to spend Eternity, just you and your harp, over there in the corner, plucking your way through “I Gave My Love a Cherry” like the guy in Animal House.

And wings–well, I guess it might be kinda neat to be able to fly, but I always thought the neat part about being able to fly would be looking down on the Earth, like, “I can see my house from here!” and once you’re in Heaven, that’s all kinda irrelevant, isn’t it?

And haloes–shoot, I never have understood what those are supposed to be for. I’ve come to the conclusion that they must be one of those “well, it’s traditional” costume things, like the Beefeaters at the Tower of London.

Now, me, I’d like three things. First, I’d like a cornet (and for those of you who are band-instrument-challenged, that’s like a trumpet, sort of). And of course when you’re issued musical instruments in Heaven, you’re also given the ability to play them. I would join the Heavenly Salvation Army Band, and occasionally sit in with the John Philip Sousa Marching Band.

Next, I would like a Schwinn 26" girls bike, blue and silver, with coaster brake only. This is important–I detest hand brakes. And with baskets on the back, not a basket in the front, which are too tippy.

Finally, I would like a kickass cowboy hat that won’t make me look stupid. For some reason every time I pick out a cowboy hat, it makes me look like John Travolta in Urban Cowboy. It screams, “Ducky the Dude!” So I want St. Peter to make me a miracle and issue me a cowboy hat that looks “right” on me.

So, my personal vision of Heaven is, “Ducky happily riding her bike around the Streets of Gold, with the cornet in the basket, and a kickass cowboy hat on her head.”

So, what three pieces of equipment would you prefer to be issued upon your arrival through the Pearly Gates?

2

I can’t relate to an afterlife, but one thing I would like would be a means to still communicate with the living, like a telephone. Some people would be happy to hear from me again, & others would be terrified! :wink:

3

I think I would prefer a rocket pack to wings. You could go faster and it seems like one of those would be more durable. I think I would prefer a gong to a harp. That way I could anounce my presence everywhere I went and all the angles could say,“Here comes that annoying Shera with her damn gong again.” instead of a halo I think I would like a motorcyle helmet in case I crash into things with my rocket rocket pack, plus I think they look cool.

4

I still want the harp (electric would be really cool, but one with all the pedals would be great). If I can’t have a harp, I want a French Horn.

And a Harley-Davidson motorcycle. Ever wonder where cirrus clouds come from? Angelic Harley exhaust.

And a nice pair of high heels - I could never master wearing them on earth, but since I’d be a lot lighter, maybe I could walk in them without worrying about falling over. Unless the higher beings would get upset about me poking holes in the clouds all day and making it rain all the time (then again, I could promise just to walk over the drought-stricken areas of any planet below me).

And of course, it being Heaven, I would never get blisters. Or a flat tire. Or hit a sour note.

5

I kinda like the idea of a halo. I’d want a big, bright gaudy one, so bright that it would be hard to see my face, so people would assume that I’m better-looking than I actually am.

Wings strike me as incredibly inconvenient, also. I mean, how would you sit down in a chair? Is it really heaven if you can’t kick back in a nice comfy recliner? Hell, you’d have to sleep on your stomach. I’d definitely go with a flying carpet.

Okay, I’m picturing myself wafting through the streets of heaven, halo all-a-dazzle, cross-legged on a carpet. . . what’s missing?

I’ve always wanted to learn to play the guitar. Harp music is a fine accompaniment to hosannahs (Hosannah in the highest!) but nothin’ but a guitar sounds good with “Kumbaya,” which is more my speed. Also, can you imagine “Stairway to Heaven” on a harp?

Of course, I’m not going to Heaven, but rather the Other Place, and I have it on good authority (Gary Larson, bless his soul) that I shall be issued an accordian. Which is cool; I’ve always been curious about how you play an accordian.

6

I’ll take the standard issue:
[ul]
[li]Wings[/li][li]Halo[/li][li]White gown[/li][/ul]

[sup]What I don’t want is a[/sup]

[list][list][list][list][list]Song Book
…:o[sup]Amazing grace, how sweet thou art…

7

Give me a baby grand (along with some divine inspiration so I’ll know how to play it), some pretty white miniature lights (with an optional “twinkly” setting) in lieu of a halo, and some detachable wings. I have a hard enough time trying to find a comfortable sleeping position…

8

A life
A return ticket to earth
An explanation as to why Heaven doesn’t exist

9

A bottomless cup o’ coffee

Unlimited internet access baby!

and the wings…as long as they are highly tuckable.

10

A super-Bowflex, one that would enable me to work out every muscle group (including wings).

A ring enabling me to speak fluently to any living creature, on earth or elsewhere.

A gigantic Afro.

11

Yeah, I want the wings. But cool ones, not those big white things. I want colors. Make mine out of peacock feathers.

I also want the interdimensional palm pilot.

Oh! And a long range Wand of Smoting.

12

I want a high-speed internet capable portable computer with some sort of heads-up display, so that I can keep in contact with the word via the internet.

I want the wings

I want a card good for unlimited chocolate whenever I want it.

13

Leathery bat wings, a pitchfork, and horns…

That oughta get some interesting double-takes up there, no?

14

A baseball, a baseball bat, and an infielder’s mitt.

There has to be baseball in heaven and I wanna be on the team.

15

Duck Duck Goose
Hardygrl
jarbabyj

My own entourage of female know-it-alls. Oh, wait, was this heaven or hell? :wink:

16

Gimme a map, a flashlight, and both hands. I’m finding my ass, baby!

:smiley:

17

AlbertRose wrote:

Sorry, that isn’t listed anywhere in the Dungeon Master’s Guide magic item tables. It therefore does not exist.

18

Assuming I’m going to Heaven…

  1. An all-access pass to the backstage area of Heaven. I figure that it has to be like Disney where we are only able to see the parades and characters, but we never get to see the tunnels and the whole behind-the-scenes infrastructure.

  2. A set of darts (32 grams, hammerhead) and accompanying dartboard blessed by Saint Peter and with flights decorated with images of events from the bible seen from God’s perspective.

3)And a halo. I figure if I’m going to drop in on folks on Earth I might as well look the part. Nothing says “Blessed Chosen One” like that glow of pure goodness. Yeah, wings would be cool; but, they only say “I can fly”. The halo just says so much more.

19

(1) Wings. Gotta have the wings, otherwise what’s the point?

(2) A mountain bike. Nothing too fancy, just an aluminum hardtail and some decent trails.

(3) A banjo. I’ve always wanted to learn how to play the banjo, and I should have plenty of time.

20

cough

Yes, this thread is operating on the assumption that everybody is going to Heaven. I think it’s a Unitarian thread. Or maybe it’s the Universalists? Whatever.