Interesting article in The Times recently about single adults. There seems to be much conflicting research out there about the correlation between relationship status and hapiness, mortality rates, health, general life satisfaction, etc.
When you learn someone is single, do you make assumptions about them? Do factors like age, gender, career influence your choice? Someone pointed out to me recently that despite cultural advances, in general it’s still very difficult for most people to entertain the notion that a woman would be single by choice (versus consequence). What are your thoughts on this topic of being single? And if married, what do you miss most about being single?
I assume it means they aren’t married or in a committed relationship.
Having been married for 25 years and now separated, I can’t honestly say that any of the things I remember as being cool about being single really have any bearing on my life today.
The only assumption I make is that the person is not in a committed relationship at the present time. The only exception I can think of is for very old people (above 80), where I might assume that person is widowed—and even in those cases I would challenge my own assumption. I’ve known single people who were in just about all conceivable circumstances, so I never learned to associate it with anything in particular.
ETA: I’ve been married 19-1/2 years and can’t think of anything I miss about being single, even though I quite enjoyed being single too.
If I hear someone is ‘single’, the term alone makes me think that it’s in contradiction to a previous condition, ie divorced or recently broken up. As someone who didn’t marry until 45, to me life without being married or in a committed relationship isn’t really single, it’s just…normal. It’s being IN a relationship that’s noteworthy and requires a designation.
I was single by choice until my mid 30s - I’ve been with my husband for 5 years, married for 2.5 - there’s really not much I miss about being single. Nothing comes to mind.
That they are still of sound mind, and in control of their own lives.
Being the romantic that I am, tho, whenever I hear that a friend has become part of a couple, I go Ahhhh.
Even tho I know it’ll be the death of them both.
That they’re not married, have never been married, and do not nor have they ever considered themselves “married without papers”.
My mother used to assume that any woman over 40 who was not married was a lesbian, until I thanked her for clarifying my sexual orientation for me. Curiously enough, she did not assume that bachelors over 40 were gay. Littlebro asks for details, if it’s a woman and he’s interested in her: single but there’s an on-and-off someone is not the same as single, hetero-or-bi and no current love interest.
One of my coworkers lived with a man for 10 years: she introduces herself as “divorced” even though there were no papers involved, because it’s a better description of the emotional situation.
Like so many others I make no assumptions beyond the obvious “not currently married, engaged, partnered or otherwise involved romantically”. Single isn’t enough information to start guessing at anything else.
I don’t think that’s true any more. I think the perception many have is that women can get into a relationship whenever they want (which I don’t think is entirely accurate, but that’s the way many see it).
Therefore, a single woman just hasn’t met any good guys yet, or is too fussy.
A single man however is someone who can’t get a date. OK, he might be playing the field, but if so, he’d just say that. A man calling himself “single” has negative connotations.
But in answer to the OP, I don’t personally think of much when told that someone is single.
I don’t know that I make any assumptions about single people.
I don’t really miss anything from being single because my wife and I travel a lot for work, so there are a couple of weeks here and there where we each get to be single. Want to know what crazy stuff I get up to whe she’s not around?
I eat brussel sprouts, because she doesn’t like them. I drink beer and play computer games until 4 in the morning. I don’t shower all that much and I walk the dog at weird hours that are not within her normal schedule. I also eat too many hotdogs with spray on cheese (as if that’s possible) It’s pretty much like I’m single again and when she gets home I clean myself up and pretend nothing happened.
I may very well be in a relationship, but I still say single because to me, this is a comment about marital status.
This being projected on to me:
Has caused me to stop making assumptions about other people when I hear someone is single. Because I’ve met plenty of good guys and am not really all that fussy; I just don’t want to be married. To anyone.
If it’s a man and he’s attractive, I might think “how YOU doin’?” but I guess the only assumption I make is “single” might not mean unattached, it just means unmarried. Every guy I’ve dated has been single, while I was dating him.
The only thing I can think that I enjoyed when I was single that I don’t have the opportunity to enjoy now that I’m married is the variety of sexual technique that went with being with different women. Now don’t get me wrong- I’m not pining for some strange, nor am I unhappy with my current sexual life. We have a great love life, both GGG, and we’re very active (with each other). But I know how she does what she does, and she knows how I do what I do. That’s something I used to like about being single- that when I would hook up with someone, there would be those moments of discovery about the different techniques that different women employed, how she does this or that, oooh, that’s nice, she’s good at that, not so good at that other thing, etc.
Everything else about it pretty much sucked, though.
If someone volunteers that they, or someone else is single, I assume it means they are looking for someone. If it’s in response to a question, like “What does you wife do?” and they answer “I’m single”, I don’t think anything else about it.
Generally, although there are a ton of exceptions obviously, if I were forced to make a hypothesis about people:
If it is a man under the age of 40 and single (maybe over the age of 25), I think there is something wrong with him.
If a woman is under the age of 40 and single, she just hasn’t found the right guy/girl yet.
I know too many incredible women that just can’t even find a guy who will go on multiple dates. If I knew any available, non-creepy guys, they could literally have the pick of the litter of woman. So I really feel bad for women as they really have very few good options.
I feel like over the age of 40 I am able to tell much more quickly why someone may be single from their personality.
Wow I really do seem to judge people- I don’t think I use it against them, but I do like to make up background information to explain them!