The grass is always greener on the other side, but what is your opinion? Is there a stigma attached to being older and single (especially if you are a woman??)…
I was born single, and I intend to die that way.
After having attempted the “married” thing twice now, I feel very comfortable saying that I shall remain single THIS time until I’m hit by a meteorite.
Eve,
You are my new idol
Not like it used to be.
but what do you mean by older? The term Old Maid is going out but it was around a long time. Some cultures married the girls off as soon a puberty hit. In my grandmothers time if not married by 21 you were an old maid. Now days with so much divorce there are single women of all ages with no name calling attached. Women can support themselves now better than in the past in the USA. No financial need to marry for many of us.
Thank goodness we have that choice.
So, better married or single, is more of an individual life choice, not a strict cultural one.
On a personal level, I am married and like it. I got married at 21, divorced then marrried again at 40. I think I will get married every 20 years.
As a 34y/o woman who’s never been married and does not have or want children, I find there is a significant stigma to being single. Many of my coworkers assume I’m a lesbian (the fact that I wear comfy shoes and drive a pick-up truck does not help) or a man-hating feminist. They also assume I’ve got all the free time in the world to do their work. While the stereotype is stronger for men, it’s true that if you are past 30 and single, many people think there must be something wrong with you.
Trite but true, It’s better to be single than wish you were and It takes a mighty fine man to be better than no man at all. I would not want to marry for the sake of being married, while it would make my mother very happy, I’m not certain it would make me happy. While some married people wish they were not, I don’t know of any social stigma attached to being married for women. Men’s MMV.
I also think the stigma of being divorced is significant, and a single parent more so. <shrug> I have chosen my stigma and am willing to live with it.
I’ll support the other side. I got married relatively late, compared to my high school & college buddies. I was 28 or so when I took the plunge. Our 17th anniversary is next month, and we’re making plans for the trip we’ll take to celebrate #20. It’s not perfect, or always bliss, but I vastly prefer being married to being single.
But I can understand the other side. I see some couples, and think, “Was she on drugs?”, or “Did he leave his brains in his other life?”, and “Please, please, don’t EVER let these people reproduce!!”
This will indeed come to pass.
Ditto and amen.
Prob’ly depends on the person you’re asking. Some people just like to have the companionship of a spouse; others just like to have their own space.
My mom, 61 and twice divorced, would rather be married than anything, because she needs someone to sit on the couch with, and because she equates being a good wife with being a good person.
I’m 27 and happen to be in the 2nd group: I won’t get married because I’d be impossible to live with, and I’d rather not put someone through the hell of trying it. I’ve been asked seriously by three separate men, and I guess I liked each one too much to marry him. (It’s not that I’m miserable or anything, I’m just set in my ways and have my own plans, and am not amenable to changing to accomodate a husband.) So far, I haven’t felt stigmatized, except by my family that would like to see me happily married. Some folks just can’t settle for happy.
[slight hijack] Since the slow fading of the embers in my current/last relationship, I’m trying to up my ‘lesbian quotient’, and will take into account The Devil’s Grandmother’s comfortable shoes. But not the truck; I draw the line at driving a truck. [/slight hijack]
Another vote for single from someone who’s done the marriage thing. There were many things I enjoyed about being married, but I’m hesitant any longer to use the words forever, or at least ‘til death do us part’, when it comes to relationships.
Plus I just like living alone. I never have to close the bathroom door.
Having said all that, I still prefer monogamous, non-casual relationships when it comes to amor. I just want both parties in the couple to be able to give voice to thier own independence.
I’ve been married 1 year next weekend and I love it. I have a beautiful caring wife that loves spending time with me. I enjoy getting home 1 hour before she does and having dinner ready. Hell, I even enjoy doing laundry, vacuuming and yardwork. Our house is almost 1/2 paid off, only owe on 1 vehicle and life is good. We have no intention of having any children for probably at least 4 years, if ever. I do miss fucking around to a point, but its not a big deal… I’m very happy.
Of course, ask me the same question 20 years from now and I dunno, but I think the answer will be the same. But so far, absolutely no regrets I can think of.
Better to be single than unhappily married.
From my point of view it’s better to be married than sin. Plus, even at the times when my own marriage feels like a prison, that kind of helps one hang on to God tighter.
Be careful choosing.
I will settle down when I find someone who makes me happier than I am by myself.
Which is gonna be tough. I’m pretty happy.
I hate giving answers like this, but it depends on who you ask and when you ask 'em.
Take me, for example. In the summer of '99, I decided it was better to be single and called off my wedding. In the fall of '00, I got married and haven’t looked back. Factoring in things like age, emotional stability, experience, willingness to commit, etc., etc., I don’t see how one could possibly be better than the other for all of marriageable age.
Well, I didn’t want to be married. I like being single. I’ve sought out relationships.
I simply bumped into somebody I couldn’t imagine being without and figured I better tie her to me legally before she came to her senses.
Honestly, being married had no appeal and I tried to talk her out of it. I was just happy being together. I was also very happy being alone.
grumble.
“I’ve NEVER sought out relationships.”
Either way, you are going to be masturbating a lot.