Divorced seems to be something of a scarlet letter. Of couse, still being single in ones’s 40 can also be perceived that way.
So are you ever “single” again after being divorced or should you perpetually go around announcing your resultant marital status?
Advantages/Disadvantages?
Some folks prefer the divorced to the single. And vice versa. You need to be a mind reader and decide which type YOU’LL like better. The type that prefers divorced or the type that doesn’t want “damaged goods.” The subject of children may make a difference. Will women prefer a man with children who is divorced or single? My guess is their initial reaction would be better if you said you’re divorced.
Personally, two profiles seems like the answer.
:dubious:
I wasn’t thinking along those lines… 
:wally
I was married. Now I’m single. How did I come to be single? I got divorced. I might have been widowed… but then I’d risk being jailed.
Did you ever notice on questionnaires and such, that there are three choices?: Married, Single, and Divorced. That always pissed me off. Yeah, I’m divorced, but I don’t want to be reminded that I was married. I’ll usually pick Single, but then that seems like I’m lying because I didn’t pick Divorced.
Now some have “Living in domestic partnership”, or something. Well, since I’m living with someone now, that’s the one I pick. Or maybe that one is for gay people who can’t get married.
Sigh.
I’ve never been married, but when I’m browsing personal ads I don’t make a distinction between “single” and “divorced.” I don’t consider men who are separated to be single, but any reason for not being legally married anymore equals “single” to me. When you’re talking to someone new, I’d say that you’re single until it matters that you’ve been married (or until the marriage/ex comes up naturally in conversation).
They should offer “unattached” as a choice. You can get to the gory details after the relationship has a chance to get a foothold.
This is a situation that irritates me. Well, it only did when I was doing the online dating thing. I agree that checking “divorced” put what I assumed was a stigma on me. When I created my profile, it had been 7 years since I’d been divorced, I didn’t have kids, nor did I have contact with my ex, who is thousands of miles away. In my own eyes I’m single.
But I guess someone perusing profiles who rules me out because divorced means “she’s got kids, baggage and a chip on her shoulder” is probably not the guy for me anyway.
Harrumph.
I think it’s kinda of an age thing. When I was in my 20’s, I ruled out divorced guys 'cause I didn’t want the baggage. Now that I’m in my 30’s, it’s much harder to find guys who have never been married and I no longer worry about the difference as long as there aren’t kids involved.
I just call myself single, unless someone asks for clarification. When two single people meet, the conversation usually gets to “have you ever been married?” pretty quickly, as it leads to info about kids, past history, etc.
If you’re divorced, you’re divorced, and all the semantics in the world aren’t going to change that. To me, “single” means never married; “divorced” means married in the past, but no longer attached.
If I were perusing profiles and a divorced person represented themselves as single when divorced was an option, we would have an issue over it when I learned the whole truth. It might not be a deal-breaker, but it would be a concern for many reasons (kids, exes, alimony - just unexpected complications in general). There are other people in the world for whom divorced IS a deal-breaker (I’m thinking maybe devout religious people, etc.)
I can’t really think of a good reason to represent yourself as single when you’re actually divorced that doesn’t involve trying to fool other people.
If someone told me that they were single, and later I found out that they had been married, but were divorced, I would feel that they had not been honest. Just one person’s HO.
I just realized that when I write reports, the categories I use are:
never married
married
separated
divorced
widowed
I am only separated, but I would never again say that I am single. I suppose if you were married for eight weeks following a trip to Vegas when you were 22, you could say you were single. Otherwise you’re really being deceitful. There is a difference, one you’ve been in a legally-recognized cohabitation.
It may make it easier for a man to find someone (housebroken) or harder (unable to be housebroken), but you’ve got to stick with what you are.
So should identical twins with neither not in a relationship choose “double?”
on a somewhat related theme (but certainly with a much greater sense of loss):
Perhaps I should clarify my answer. If given a choice between categories to mark, I’d select divorced because that’s accurate. In casual conversation, however, the options (at least at middle-age) are understood to be single or unavailable. Single is used as a term to distinguish availability among an age group where a person, if single, is most likely to be divorced (never married and widowed much less often). I would never lie to be misleading. I’m personally more concerned about those who say they’re single when they’re in actuality married. That is a much more common deception.
But “divorced” conveys the message of “available” more accurately than “single” for someone who is, indeed, divorced. The “divorced” version of “available” is more accurate because it indicates that there may indeed be complications and conditions to the “available” status. “Available but with two non-custodial kids and $500 a month in alimony payments and a jealous ex” is a helluvalot different than “Available period.” I’m not saying one is better than the other, just that “divorced” conveys more pertinent information than “single.”
I speak from my own experience, that of a divorced 50-year-old woman living in California. I would have responded much like you are, if I were 30.
In the forties or fifties, divorced is the default condition for single. Specifying divorced in casual conversation usually implies more focus upon it than is generally tasteful. Actually, asking whether someone has kids gets more to the point, and is usually the next question after the response of single.
Gah, 'nuff said.
I was never divorced, but went straight to being single again.
I found it insulting that web sites would want to distinguish status among single, divorced, widowed, and separated. And this was for stupid websites like news feeds that had absolutely no personal contact with you after sign up.
I supposse they had foolish semi-children techies who never thought about what good the data would be once collected.
Another vote for “single” as opposed to “divorced”. I divorced nine years ago and am now single. Not trying to fool anyone, that’s just the facts.
So someone who was married before and is now married again is also still divorced? :rolleyes:
You’re talking about baggage, not availability, and there are divorced men out there with a hell of lot less baggage than some guys who have never been married. Even using your example, though, I’ll take “two non-custodial kids and $500 a month in alimony payments and a jealous ex” over “alcoholic mama’s boy whose last girlfriend was on the internet” (oh yes, he’s out there!). Everyone has issues, but the type of issues doesn’t make one person less single than the next. There’s no such thing as “available but…,” there’s only either available or not – in fact, I think OKCupid has “available” as one of its options.