Where do you go to talk about 'Old People's Problems'?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I love this place. I love you people. And I’ve been here long enough that I can play out how a topic will go with pretty high fidelity. So where do you cover topics similar to the following?

It’s one thing to talk about the trials of youth (Alcoholism*, The End of the World as we know it, The latest movie down at the Moving Picture Show Theatre)

But there are aspects of advancing adulthood that don’t play well to the population.

An Example: WTH did I end up inheriting money AFTER I got my shit together and don’t really have anything I need to spend it on?

This will result in responses along the line of:

Boo Hoo, you have too much money, let me play you a song on my tiny violin.

or

You could give it to me, I’d manage it for you, or you can donate it to %cause%, otherwise you’re a blight on humanity and all that is wrong with it.

Which really doesn’t help with the angst and subtle unsaid things like ‘a parent died, and I’d love to have them back and the only thing that I’ve got at this point is slightly different numbers in the checkbook.’

Likewise “Holy crap, what’s happening to my knees?” and “is it really worth 2% of my earnings to pay a guy to manage the retirement program, if it’s got to return anything more than I’m currently earning…plus 2%?” and “Do you just resign yourself to your foot always hurting while hobbling to the bathroom in the morning?”

None of this touches on the more subtle stuff like ‘he died peacefully in his sleep’ sometimes is assisted when the right hospital staff is around and ‘a little extra morphine is administered’

Some of it is…not good conversation to have with the neighbors. (e.g. Differences in libido due to menopause) and benefits from some slight anonymity, likewise, some of it is stuff you wouldn’t talk to the He Men At Work.

So where do you go?

2

I talk to people I know and trust, and seek help from professionals (doctors, financial advisors, plumbers). Pretty much the same as I did when I was younger.

3

That’s good, and I see where you’re going with it, but it doesn’t give you the color commentary and feeling that you’re not the only person experiencing it.

4

My peers are experiencing it, my wife is experiencing it, my siblings and cousins family are experiencing it - I’ve never felt I was traveling into uncharted territory.

5

Some of us are experiencing an Old Person Problem, particularly acute with men, of social isolation. You may not realize it, but you are fortunate to have people to fill those roles in your life. Count your blessings.

6

I do, but the OP never mentioned isolation or a more pervasive societal problem. They asked “where do you go” and that’s the question I answered.

7

Jeez, man, he came in here to post about “where do I kvetch with like minded folds about stuff that happens when getting older?” and you basically answer, “Not here!”

8

Well, I DID lead with “I pretty much know how it’s going to go here.”

Nice thing about being old: I’ve got pretty thick skin.

9

If anything, I’d say SDMB skews old and these topics are exactly what I expect to see here. Count the number of colonoscopy threads; we get one every 6 months like clockwork.

10

If your wife’s hit menopause, but you haven’t, and it’s the only thing in the relationship you’re otherwise grappling with…who do YOU talk to about it?

(And yeah, I fully realizes those topics call out the “Everything’s great here! We’re doing it six times a week!”, but you have to filter that kind of stuff out anyway.)

Simply a little 'yeah, wife and I were out of sync for 2-3 years and neither of us wanted the increased risk of cancer that hormone replacement therapy brings…both to the OP and to anyone else lurking that might be in the same boat, is helpful. Otherwise, all you hear about is the women complaining about their asshole ex-husbands that dropped them for a newer model.

11

As far as I can tell this place is awash in old people threads. We got old doctors, lawyers, retirement advisors and @Beckdawreck. :slight_smile:

As for other places just go into any old farts bar after lunch and there will be old people there day drinking.

And my relatives are good for old people conversations. Many are just talking about who died and how they died, many going into way too much detail and judgmentalism. Then we get talking about our own issues.

12

I do find it annoying when I start a post by saying “I’ve got a Dr appt, but I’m interested in what others have experienced about…” and invariably, there will be a post saying “See your Dr.” Yeah, OK. I never thought of that.

13

I started a group of women friends in 1993 for the sole purpose of getting together for lunch or dinner once a month with no other agenda than just socializing. All of them were people I had met (or worked for) during my fundraising career, so everyone was either in fundraising or public relations. Our jobs all required lots of meetings, and we hated them, so it was important that this group have no purpose beyond friendship. I didn’t want any ready reasons for people to skip! When we started, my requirement was that members be over 40. Now we’re all over 70! :older_woman:t3: There were seven, but one dropped out because she’s an anti-vaxxer–we didn’t ask her but she saved us needing to.

We’ve been through the deaths of parents, deaths of two husbands, marriage of one, children getting married (and divorced), births of many grandchildren, changing jobs, changing residences, many surgeries (ours and spouses’), and ultimately retirement for each of us.

All of them have families (children and extended families, too), three still have husbands (all with major health issues). The group probably means more to me than it does to the others because I have no family. I’m the de facto chair and the one who keeps us all in touch. Sometimes it’s a challenge. We’re not close-in-each-other’s-pockets but we stay in touch. They constantly thank me for keeping us together even as they make their excuses for why they can’t spare two hours to meet in a given month (usually involves grandchild events). We’re getting together this Thursday for our 39th Christmas lunch. It is soul-nourshing-- and probably necessary for mental health-- to be with and talk to people who see the world from the vantage point of your history and your memories.

I also have a friend from high school (1960s) that I keep in touch with weekly by phone. She lives elsewhere in Texas but we’ve stayed close all these years. We were both widowed 20+ years ago within a month of each other. She’s the closest person to me that feels like “family.”

I have another friend my age, a former client, that I talk to on the phone weekly when I light my Shabbat candles. And recently I’ve made a connection to two women (also my age) in the Episcopal church choir where I sing. We’re getting together this week to go to an outdoor event.

In a Miss Marple story (I won’t say which one), an old lady murders her closest old lady friend to protect a secret she and her victim have shared for years. When the woman realizes that she’s killed the last person in her life who goes all the way back, she weeps bitterly. Miss Marple wisely and empathetically says, “When the last person who remembers is gone, then you really are alone.”

14

My wife has three other women like this…We call them the coven. I think it’s one of a few significant reasons why women seem to love longer than men. (That and they typically don’t compete in as many food eating competitions.)

I’ve got a core group of friends, but I see my Brother in law, and my kids, and my newly deceased Father in law, and they don’t seem to have the same kind of outlet.

I’ve got some friends I’ve been drinking with on Friday nights since 2005 or so. I’m hoping the Internet will facilitate people communicating who may not hang out in person. I used to tell people I’d ‘Drink with Friends On the Internet’ and the results were often…so you’re drinking…alone…at home.

COVID changed all that.

15

I get that, and I also get that what I was posting could be interpreted as ‘We’re not your Doctor, go see your Doctor’ when what I was REALLY looking for was: Yeah, we’re experiencing that too (go see your doctor)’

16

We call ourselves the Bag Ladies.

The idea (back when we were 40) was that when we got to be old and alone, we’d build something on my property in the country and move in together a la Golden Girls. Then we’d hire able-bodied, well-endowedcompensated young men in their 30s and 40s to do yard work, cook, clean, and other duties as required. Well THAT didn’t work out…

17

I go to a park bench and mumble to myself.

It ensures plenty of privacy.

18

As to the OP’s question, I don’t know who to talk to either. As a guy, any conversations like this end up with puddles of testosterone as other guys pretend they “ain’t got no problems”. Which doesn’t help at all. Any attempts at conversations like this with my Dad (87) bring a flurry of concern and health worries, followed by months of being badgered about the problem (and how it’s being solved).

I just wish I could talk to someone about stuff without a bunch of advice on fixing it. I’ve already got a doctor.

Also, do any guys ever do stuff in a relaxed way? Going for a walk instead of climbing a mountain, or a easy afternoon fishing instead of blasting across the water at 5am to prove we can catch more than (whoever). I swear if I started a group for just relaxing in hammocks and talking, there’d be arguments over the best bearings for maximum swing speed and contests for who could relax fastest.

When I first saw the ads for Bad Boy Mowers, I thought it was satire and part of a comedy show. I was saddened to realize it’s a real product (for men who want to “Mow with an Attitude!”). Seriously.

19

I was talking with my brother about the spray I use to keep my shit from sticking in the toilet.

Then I said “You know those old men we used to make fun of who talked about their bowel movements? We’ve become them.”

20

Invariably, someone will say “how old are you? That’s not old!”