Where I pit aging and the passage of time.

The BBQ Pit
1

First, let me apologize in advance, because this rant is probably going to be nothing but incoherent babbling. In fact, I’m not sure that this even qualifies as a rant, but more of mourning put into words. But I can’t help it; today hasn’t been good.

My wife and I had to euthanize one of our cats today. While I don’t know what to say except that I’m crushed, I can’t even begin to understand how my wife feels. See, she and I have been married for almost five years, and have known each other for around eight. So, I had been around him for around eight years. My wife on the other hand, got Chauncey when he was a kitten; more than 20 years ago. So needless to say, she’s devastated.

In the time that my wife and I have been together, I had grown more attached to Chauncey than any other pet I’ve ever had, and held him in much higher regard than some of the people that I’ve considered friends. Knowing that he was getting older gnawed at the back of my mind for the longest time, and I did my best to ignore it. But, when he developed a neurological problem caused by low levels of potassium that made him limp, his advanced age wasn’t something that I couldn’t ignore anymore. Potassium supplements helped; his limp even went away.

But it wasn’t long before he stopped eating. While he was once a healthy 15 or so pounds, he started losing some of his weight, and before long, you could feel the individual vertebrae along his spinal column, as well as his shoulders and hips. When you add that to him not meowing anymore, and not purring anymore (he used to purr at just the lightest touch), and the realization hit me like a freight train.

While I watched the injections being administered, I couldn’t help but wonder if we were doing the right thing. Despite the doctor reassuring us that we were, it didn’t help. I know in my mind that what we did was right, butmy heart tells me that we killed him before it was time.

And that’s what hurts the most. The doubt. The regret. The guilt. Not knowing, that if Chauncey knew what was happening, if he knew why we were doing it. It pains me more than anything to think for one second that he doesn’t love my wife and I anymore because of what we did. I can only hope that first and foremost, he was thinking he was just going to take a nap. But, if he knew what was happening, I hope he knew why we were doing it; to end his suffering; to end his exhaustion; and because above all else, we loved him.

I guess, when it comes down to it, the one thing I want to say is this:

To the passage of time and the aging process: FUCK YOU.

Fuck you for ultimately taking loved ones away from us, and doing nothing to console us when our loved ones are gone.

Fuck you for not giving humans the understanding of WHY the people and pets we love and cherish have to go away.

And finally, FUCK YOU for ravaging and taking your toll what are supposed to be healthy and happy people and pets.

cardsfan1975

2

Last month we had to have our little house dog of 19 yrs put to sleep. She got into such a state of physical decline that it was a kindness to have her put down. Still, it hurts.

Some points you have raised, I’m not man enough to adress, or even think about yet.

This I do know: If I ever get into the declining condition our dog was getting into, I hope someone loves me enough to send me on my way.

Why can’t we help people leave here? Does our society value pets more, so that we deny humans the merciful end we may bestow on our pets?

Condolences to you and your wife on the loss of Chauncey. What you did was best for him. Remember that it was an act of kindness.

3

I had to put down my sweet, loving dog last June. I got her when she was a puppy, and she was only nine when we had an emergency trip to the all-night vet, where an X-ray revealed a chest full of tumors. I still feel the horrible guilt, the suspicion that we could have gotten her healthy again and I wouldn’t be going home to an empty house every night.

She’d been having a lot of health troubles: losing weight, not eating, her hips shot (she was a big dog), and toward the end it became clear that the daily walks were torture that she was just enduring because she knew I loved them.

In my mind I know I did the right thing. The end was quick, peaceful, and painless; we should all be so lucky. But deep in my gut I still beat myself up over the fact that she loved me and I killed her. That won’t go away, but it’ll fade. It’s already faded a little bit, and these days I can focus, mostly, on the happy memories.

It’s still a horrible decision to have made, but I know it would have been selfish of me to prolong her misery.

Goddam right.

4

It’s always hard when you have to make that decision, but what you said, about his condition, his quality of life was just declining. You made things easier for him, he was probably suffering, animals tend not to show when they’re hurting like we puny humans do, but he likely found relief in his last moments.

Not to mention, you were there, easing his way with love as well. I know it’s hard, and I’m sure everybody around you has said this but, you did do the right thing.

5

Yes, you certainly did the right thing. My sister kept her cat long after he was so sick he couldn’t do anything except sit in the corner and barely breathe, and I hated it. It breaks my heart when people do this to the animals they love. We are responsible for the lives of our pets, and in cases like this, their deaths too. We have to do the right thing; we owe it to them. I just hope I can be as strong as you when the time comes for my kitties to go before they suffer.

6

You absolutely did the right thing. I’m very sorry, however, that you had to make that choice. It’s damned difficult.

I had to put my Harley to sleep three days before Christmas (kidney failure). I went through the same guilt proces, beating myself up that I could have done more, that I made the decision too soon despite what two vets said. I did get past that - it was the right time and, in fact, Harley told me it was.

It sucks, the whole aging/death process, but the way I see it is that Harley gave me 7+ years of love, comfort, happiness, companionship. He gave me so much, the least I could do was give him comfort, even if it was in the form of death.

Chauncey, not only still loves you and your wife, he understands and appreciates that you both loved him enough to let him go peacefully and with dignity.

7

Thanks everybody. It helps knowing that other people say that we did the right thing, no matter how much it hurt doing so.

cardsfan1975

8

I haven’t gone through it yet, really. As I was growing up, we lost a dog to a traffic accident when I was about 11, and it wasn’t easy. His successor lived to a ripe age of 19 or so, but then he had to be put down. Around that same time we lost a cat who was about the same age. By that time I was grown up, and again, it was hard, but seeing how they were suffering made it easier to put them down.

Fast forward to eight years ago, just before I met my wife. I’d been living on my own, never having any pets, for a long time. I always liked both dogs and cats, but just never bothered to acquire any. My wife, however, had several cats, and today we have four. It’s as if I once didn’t need to have cats, but now that I’ve been living among them for this many years, I have become very attached to them. More than any pet I ever had, these cats seem to be attached to us as well, ever seeking out the warmth of our laps and our ability to open cans. It seems like love. My rational mind knows that the cats don’t really love us the way we do them, by my irrational mind wants to suggest that the attachments they exhibit based on their physical needs–that is love, to the extent their little cat brains can grasp any such concept.

It’s going to be very hard to lose them when their time comes.

9

My condolences. We had to put down our first cat, Patches, when she was 16 or so. I was only 6 at the time, but I remember my parents agaonizing over it. In the end, she was in too much pain for us not to.

Our second cat spared us that choice. She was 12 when she started getting sick. We patched her up a few times (Infections, kidney troubles, general aging), but then a few months after I moved out, she just left the house and never came back. Meisha knew she was dying. I’m sure if she had stayed, we’d have had to do the same thing for her.

It’s an awful choice to make, but it’s the right choice in the end, saving them the suffering.

10

I’ve had to have a few ferrets put to sleep. The last one was really declining in health, and I was leaning towards having her euthanized earlier than my husband was. Then one day I went to work, and checking in on her in the morning first, I assumed she would be dead by the time I got home, and felt awful that I couldn’t miss that one particular day of work. When I got home, she was still alive, and I cried my eyes out, thinking of how bad off she was. My husband got home with the car, and drove us to the vet, but he couldn’t even bear to enter the office. I went in and stayed with her through the euthanasia, stroking her fur the whole time.

The vet and I talked about it; she said that animals probably don’t understand some kinds of pain well, and certainly not things like the debilitation and other effects from chronic disease; they suffer without really being sure why, as there isn’t an obvious injury. She said that when their quality of life is bad without much hope for improvement, and when they’re suffering, it’s a final act of kindness and caring to do the right thing for your pet and help ease that suffering.

I still get tears in my eyes when I think about it, but I know I did the right thing. I also remember the relaxed look she got when she was given a sedative, and how I was quietly glad that the pain was ending.

I’ve seen a few pets kept alive too long by their owners, like my inlaws’ diabetic dog who was dragging his legs along, and who nearly reeked of illness or impending death. I couldn’t bear to see that dog. My husband had been a pre-teen and teenager with that dog around, and more than once asked his parents to end the dog’s suffering, but they refused, claiming it was “too early.” The poor thing hung on for another month or so.

So, sure - you and I might have ended our pets’ lives before it was “time” - but nature can be cruel sometimes in how long it forces hurting animals to continue living. I have no regrets that I’ve intervened in that process a few times.

11

Marcie and I had to have a ferret put to sleep about three years ago—I cried for a week, and still cry when I think too much about it. We loved that little guy more than I would have thought possible, and we believe he loved us in return. I know we did the right thing, but my God it hurts. I’m sorry you had to experience it.

My father died, three weeks ago, at the age of 93. His quality of life was horrible, and he had wanted to die for the last three years. He asked me, at least three times, to bring him a pistol, which I wouldn’t/couldn’t/shouldn’t do. I think, in his case, by not helping him die, I did the wrong thing. I should have helped him die.

I don’t see the justice—if I had a pet in such dire straights, and let it live, I could be charged with cruelty to animals. My own father wanted to die and needed to die—if I had helped, I would be charged with murder. I hope to be able to recognize my approaching demise in time to check out with a little dignity.

12

Back in '98 we had to put our 12 year old doxie, Topper to sleep. He had issues with his back, and was on a lot of meds, and when my mom came home one day and found him in distress, we knew he wanted to die. I go by if you can no longer see life in their eyes, they want to die. It was really hard to put my first dog to sleep, but I got to hold him as he died, and he knew we loved him very much. We have 4 dogs now, and I know Topper is watching over them

13

cardsfan1975, I’ve said this before to others sharing similar situations on this board, but it’s as true now as it ever was. I admire you and your wife for doing the right thing for your Chauncey. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to make that decision, and I dread the time when I will have to make it. You did the right thing, the brave thing, the responsible thing. Be well.

14

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that responded, for the kind words. The decision Cardsfan and I had to make was indeed the most difficult I personally have ever had to deal with. It doesn’t make the guilty feeling go away, but it does help in knowing that there are others in the world that put the “quality of life” of a pet first and foremost over their own person feelings for the beloved pet.

The only comfort I have for myself is knowing that he is no longer in pain of walking or too tired to move for nurishment. That comfort is short lived when thoughts of him bring the empty pain of heartbreak.

15

Last spring we planted a redbud tree over the grave of our 18 year old Schmoo. My son says she will climb it to kitty heaven. It’s in bloom now and the memories are flooding back.

I’m so very sorry.

“All cats love cat heaven,
They know the way there,
They know where the angel cats fly.
They go past the moon and the stars and the sun,
To curl up with God in the sky.”

from Cat Heaven

16

I just have to say that I’m tearing up, just reading this. It’s moments like these that almost make me glad my late, great kitty died suddenly with no advance warning. He was three years old, and he was fine when I left for work in the morning and in full rigor mortis by the time I got home that night. (Never name a cat after a Russian poet; they all died young.)

I don’t know how I’m going to handle it if and when the moment arrives for my current cat. I admire your strength.

17

I so agree with the sentiment expressed in the OP.

I had to make that decision for my dear feline companion in Jan. of 2003. He’d been with me for over 17 years. Despite the fact that he hurt so much I couldn’t even touch him or hold him I, too, questioned whether I acted too soon. Every now and then I still wonder even though I know I did the right thing.
Emotion and reason are two completely different entities. In my case they don’t get along at all. I just try to listen to rationality and accept the feelings as part of me. It will feel better one day.

18

I don’t wish to intrude upon a solemn moment, but is there anyway you could rephrase that sentence?

19

Hmm. Here I thought “… than my husband was” wouldn’t cause confusion, compared to “…than my husband.” My grammar education was lousy, I’ll admit.

How about, “The last one was really declining in health, and though my husband was reluctant to have her euthanized, I thought it would be necessary soon.”

20

Heh. Sorry for the hijack. The meaning was clear, sort of. :slight_smile:

Maybe if you said, “The last one was really declining in health, and I was leaning towards having her euthanized earlier than my husband had suggested.”