The thing is, these “cultural norms” can backfire even on the white, heterosexual males who supposedly reap the benefits.
Case in point: my current boss is taking care of his 90 year old mother, who has just moved into hospice. He gave up his own home to move back into the house his parents owned to take care of her. All of his visits to his children and his girlfriend (not their mother, that marriage ended) are contingent on him finding someone else to care for his mom while he’s gone. It’s gotten to the point that, when necessary, he wipes mom’s ass when needed.
There is a doctor at one of the local hospitals who can not comprehend that it is the SON taking care of the old woman, and not one of his two sisters. Despite the fact he’s the one who lives with her, despite the clearly worded and executed medical power of attorney that gives him the legal authority to speak for her when she can not, this dingbat doctor always calls one of his sisters - both of whom live thousands of miles away - instead of the son. Always. No matter how many times he is corrected on this.
Why?
Because women do the caring and nurturing!
Fortunately, it is one doctor and the rest of the medical staff there understand that the son is the one to go to about the old lady. Still, it’s an example of how these cultural norms can be a problem. It also shows that it’s not just a matter of more women just happening to choose to be the caring folks, it shows there is a definite pressure not only for women to “nurture” but also factors that discourage men from filling that role. In a truly egalitarian society this problem shouldn’t come up.
(This is not the boss’s first time with this - after he divorced his wife he got full time custody of their three kids. He can give you an earful about being a single father a generation ago.)
I think John also misunderstood what I was saying. The pressure that women in power experience isn’t always external. Sometimes it’s internal. It’s driven by the feeling that everyone is scrutizining you, waiting for you to fail. Or waiting for you to act like a “woman”. My boss had the same fear, except that it was about his blackness.
Just to clarify, I’m not implying nor do I believe that John treats women differently.
I’m saying that, in my experience here, that sexism ranges from almost non-existent to very prevalent. I also agree with other posters that sexism is a societal problem that both women and men display (mostly unconsciously I hope).
I find that women who choose not to be occupationally ambitious and prefer other things, like child-rearing, are shamed by society. I’d like to see real equality- of choice. Some women (and men) don’t want to be CEOs, and prefer to do things like have families and not miss all their kid’s games and concerts and things in order to impress some suits.
Or, if we’re looking for the winner of a victim contest, we might ask who is more likely to end up homeless, or in prison, or so overcome by mental suffering that they commit suicide. All of those populations are much, much larger than CEOs, and they all skew male.
Not that it’s their fault, of course; men are more likely to end up in jail because of the unfair gender roles forced upon them, not because of their choices.
Not sure if you’re sarcastic or not. Sexism hurts everybody, not just women. Reducing the impact of gender roles, so that people aren’t pushed into patterns that don’t fit their personality and talents, would be better for us all.
There are some obvious differences between the issues you mention (going to jail is much worse than not being able to get the career you want, for one), but there are some similarities as well: When you look at the fate of an individual, it’s easy to chalk it up to bad choices, perhaps with some aspect of bad luck which could have happened to anyone. But when you look at the overall pattern, it becomes obvious that there’s something going on that results in different demographics having very different odds in all kinds of situations. And if we truly want everbody to have a decent shot at life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness, we need to look at the mechanisms that affect demographics unfairly, and see what we can do about them.
It might be tempting to dismiss all these problems by saying “take responsibility for yourself”, but it’s a very irresponsible way of viewing a society.