When I was a kid I was the kind who liked to get 100 on everything and did. I loved school because it was what I was good at. I think it was also to make up for the fact that I had no life or friends. I moved around a LOT as a kid and for the second half of fifth grade went to a school where I was bullied terribly. I was depressed and unmotivated and by then I was getting bored with the constantly too-easy work anyway, and my performance dropped. In 6th grade they put me in a gifted class and I made a lot of close friends and forgot about grades, which was probably the opposite of what they were hoping for but oh well. I spent the rest of my school career slacking off. It didn’t help that I have mild ADD and never learned proper study skills as a kid because I never needed to study. I became a much more secure and well-adjusted person in high school but my grades went down the drain. I’m trying to pick it up again now that I’m in uni and it’s working, mostly. Let’s hope I’m not struck by Uni Student Ennui.
Grades were important to me only because they were important to my mother. I don’t know how many times I heard about her straight As all the way through high school… including in gym… Not only was I expected to get the highest grade in the class, I was expected to be the first done with tests or whatever had to be done. I felt more sorry for the sister who came after me. She was *not * academically inclined. She managed to graduate from high school, but college was never a consideration for her. And she had to go through years of hearing “But, your sister is so bright! Why don’t you get this?” :rolleyes: Teachers who do that should be flogged. Or at least talked to.
I tried my best not to do that to my kid. When she did poorly on tests, I was more concerned that she understood where her problem lay. As long as I felt she was learning the material, I didn’t sweat the grades too much. Fortunately, she was still driven enough to earn the Bright Futures Scholarship, but I take no credit for that.
Never cared. So far as I am concerned, I (or my proxy) pays the school to teach me not to grade me. If I know everything the teacher taught (and that I find is useful to know) then working hard to perfect a document for them doesn’t really matter to me. Or if their method was a bad one for teaching whatever, I would just ignore them and teach myself–which means that I would be working on learning at home instead of doing homework that wouldn’t have helped enything but lowering the number of trees in the world.
I was that kid!
I never cared all that much.
Got A’s without a lot of effort, so they weren’t that important to me. The only real exception was in Math, where I went from a C student in 8th grade to having the highest math average in my class by the time I graduated, but that was because I got a good teacher.
I’ve always found grades to be crap. I don’t remember most of the grades I got in school, but I got out with a 2.7 in both high school and college. I couldn’t stand spelling either, I never did well on them, I even remember having my father get mad at me because I couldn’t spell very well. I still didn’t care though, and still don’t as of today. Just because someone’s a C student doesn’t mean a thing. She will find something to excell in just like I did, and I’m sure most people do.
I never studied either, it was a waste of time. I do regret not studying more in college as some of the classes I liked but don’t remember a whole lot about them. But for all the other classes I took I still remember stuff.
I did the exact same thing. I didn’t do much of my work, I still got by and no one has ever asked for my grades.
Then again maybe she doesn’t like the little details of things. I remember when I was young I could remember dates for everything. Then, either I got too many dates or I just stopped caring and found I can look up dates if I need to. She could be the same way.
Does she need to? Maybe she has other plans, maybe she is really good in other areas and knows it and lets the rest slide. Besides good grades do not mean a thing in the end. Out of all my cousins, there were eight, almost all of them got As and Bs in school. I got mostly Cs and some Bs, and a couple of Ds thrown in for good measure. Out of all of the others only three of us have professional jobs. The out of the two “best”, one has been in and out of jail a number of times, the other works at a nail salon. Don’t know if they are happy, but they don’t seem to have done anything with all of those As.
There’s also a girl here at work who went to the same college I did and we took the same classes. I’ve been out of college for eleven years now, her I think five. She got a lot better grades then I did, except she doesn’t seem to remember much of anything in the classes we took, where I remember a ton of stuff. She’s always amazed by the things I can remember.
I can suggest one thing, make your daughter do all of her homework. That’s the one thing I didn’t do very much of. But if she does her work she will probably do better in school. That’s the one rule I think I will have when it comes time for my daughter to go to school.
I was like that with math, chemistry, and foreign languages. I just never got it. I was able to muster Cs but I was glad to be done with it. I got As and Bs in everything else fairly easily and excelled in music (NJ all-state), so it was no biggie overall, except for the knowledge that that’s not where my future lied. I went on to good colleges, nice jobs with great pay, wife, kids, etc. I turned out OK. Fortunately I had parents that cared more about my future than I did at the time, so they prodded me where I needed prodding and left me alone otherwise.
Well… yes but not enough. But not in the usual way.
- Dad was unable to praise his own children. Third parties have told us he was ver proud of us, but he never said so in person. He was unable to train us or help us with our homework; other people have told us he was a great trainer.
- He also was a perfectionist.
- Mom was convinced that letting me know I was intelligent would make me snotty.
So they would point out in careful detail everything I ever did wrong but never mentioned my good work. I was not allowed to bring it up in my own defense, either; “ok, my grade hasn’t been as high as I would have liked but it’s still the 2nd highest out of 200 students” was not an acceptable line of defense. The Spanish school system doesn’t allow for “curving”: if you get half the exam right, you get a 5 out of 10.
I also had several teachers who saw my permanent state of inquiry and my need to understand instructions and goals as a personal challenge. Sigh. OK, now that I’m older I can spell it: “when I say I don’t understand, it doesn’t mean I think you’re dumb, it means I don’t understand and can you please explain it a different way? If it’s possible. I realize some things are difficult to explain. Thanks.”
At the same time, I knew as early as 3yo that I wanted to be financially independent and that this meant college. So I couldn’t see the value of high grades (since I got no direct, visible benefit from them), but I knew the value of passing (being able to go to college; I didn’t have any notion of “a good school”).
I clearly remember when I started seeing the value of high grades, and it was an emotional thing: in 8th grade I got three teachers I respected and liked very much. High grades in their classes meant - they would praise me! Positive feedback rules 
- positive feedback: not to be mistaken with saying “oh you’ve done so great” when you actually haven’t.
I always enjoyed school and learning as a kid, but never really put that much stock into grades. Of course to keep the 'rents happy I made mostly A’s, B’s, and an occasional C. I was just cruising along, and I hated homework (still o!).
It wasn’t until halfway through High School when I told myself to ramp it up a bit if I wanted to get into a decent university. So I took all honors/Advanced Placement classes in my junior and senior years, and aced every one of them. Graduated with a 4.2/4.0 GPA.
Of course once I actually got into University I started slacking off again
No, my grades were always good and school was a breeze so I didn’t really care too much. I remember when I was in 8th grade and I decided to try for straight A’s. As the quarter was coming to a close, I had everything in hand… until several people in my English class got into a chair throwing, table knocking over, books flying everywhere, fight in the library. The teacher lowered everyone’s grade by one letter… I got a B. Final report card… 7 A’s, 1 B. I never cared enough to try for straight A’s again.
By the way… I still think homework sucks, and I graduated high school in 1976.
Dit-to. My parents spanked me and punished me everytime I got a C. And my C and D grades were always in handwriting. :rolleyes: And I am also better in English than Math.
Hell yes, she needs to. But not for the sake of getting all A’s. I don’t really care if she has a 4.0 average. Great if she works to get it but not if she were to obsess about it more than she cares about absorbing and integrating the knowledge.
My worry is that she lacks curiosity. If that’s the case, then it doesn’t bode well for her getting a good job or even getting into college.
Perhaps it’s a maturity thing and she’ll grow to become interested about some area of study.
Yeah, that’s not even up for debate. The trouble is, she’s really good at “forgetting” to bring homework home or to prep for a test. I want her to know I trust her to be responsible so I don’t want to micro-manage her. At the same time, she’s showing me that she is not responsible enough to follow through on her obligations as far as school work.
Not at all. Ever. I had other things going on. Before high school I breezed by, in high school I breezed by almost everything except the things I failed because I just didn’t go to the classes. Then I dropped out at 16, a little less than a year after being kicked out of my home. I actually tried to keep going for a while, but I was working two jobs and just didn’t care enough. I loved learning and always persued it on my own, I just didn’t see the point of tests and grades. They seemed to restrict my ability to learn, not help it. So I basically disregarded the whole business and then left as soon as I could. I’ve never regretted it.
It’s a tough one. It sounds like she is fine with the things she skates on and just wants to avoid the things she doesn’t. And also that she is resigned to doing badly in those things and maybe doesn’t believe she could do any better. Like failure is disconcerting, and she just disengages from those things?
Or she just thinks she will do well on the things she skates on, and doesn’t imagine that hard work will get her the other things? It would be weird to feel adept at one area and get tripped up on another.
Grades were super-important to me (my job was to be a student and that was how success was measured, and I wasn’t good at anything else (socially, athletically, etc.)) and I did well in all areas. Some required more work that others but there wasn’t anything I really struggled too hard with. It would have been very difficult for me to adjust to having to kill myself in one area to do as well as I could in other areas which didn’t take as much effort.
In high school, I couldn’t have cared less. I didn’t take notes, seldom did homework, and just got passing marks, with some Bs when there was a course that interested or challenged me. It was boring beyond tears.
One time, in 1965, my English teacher told me that I really needed to buckle down and quit wasting my talent. A month later, I brought her a copy of the October 1965 issue of S9 magazine with my article in it. I mentioned that I got PAID for the article, too, it was not an amateur submission.
Got a lot less grief after that.
It was a small high school, and had no AP classes, no dual college/high school enrollment, or anything. Did not even offer any math beyond Algebra. (Yawn)
College was different. I understood that marks mattered to the companies interviewing on campus, and to graduate schools as well. I worked my butt off in college and loved it.
I cared a lot about my grades for an unusual reason. Just before I started kindergarden, my mother had me tested to see where I was developmentally. I tested “below average.” When I started school, I was in a regular class but everyday I was pulled out of class by some sort of “special needs” teacher. My classmates labled me a “retard.” Later, my brother (18 months younger than me) was tested and found to be “above average.” When he started school he was in the Gifted and Talented program. My mother made a very big deal about my brother’s intelligence. I thought that if I did very well with my grades, then I would be smart and escape the lables my classmates gave me.
Years later, in middle and high school, I was a straight A student and my brother was someone who a obviously bright but never applied himself. I went to college, my brother did not. In college, I could never escape this feeling that I would be outted as a dumb person. Every B or C indicated that I was not very smart at all, just faking it.
I ended up quiting college. The stress was to much. My mental quirks were eventually diagnosed as obsessive complusive disorder with some depression thrown in for flavor. Now I’m in college again as a part-time student, but I feel that academia needs to be changed. Less enphasis on grades and concentrate more on things that are done.
Grades mattered very little to me in high school and junior high. I never really believed I would be alive to graduate (I was suicidal to the point of believing that eventually I would kill myself, certainly before graduation.) My senior year I dropped out high school, largely due to this built up belief. I went back the next year and graduated (mid-year.)
Now I’m in my thirties and wish tha I still had the ability to absorb knowledge the way I did back then. I almost never did any homework but I passed because I did so well on tests. Now I’m largely happy, but I have a crappy memory. (The irony of psychiatiric medication.)
Amen to that, Mouse_Maven.
You’re preaching to my choir there.
And, I’m not trying to be one of those, “Oh yeah, well listen to MY story kind of guys,” but you really struck a chord with me there. When I had my master’s degree, before going into consulting, I got a position teaching part-time at a university’s branch campus on Eglin AFB. And, this is exactly the approach I took.
I was fortunate enough to have a department chairperson (retired ex-Bird Colonel, Army paratroopers[!!]) that fully supported being that fully supported my agenda and backed me up 100%. It was amazing and extremely humbling to see what a different this approach could make.
Just by way of full disclosure, though, you do need to undestand that this was a small university and my usual class size was 20-30 people. I couldn’t have done it with 300 students in a lecture hall.
I didn’t do it to amaze the students,but to help me tailor the lectures to their individual strengths & weaknesses, and would always work something in to a class that recognized each student as a unique individual…like,
“Ms. Storm, let me give you an example of database Normal Forms using your hobby, flowers, as an example…”
“Sgt. Smit, don’t worry about the computer program being late, you’re a single parent, just get it to me by the end of the term. How’s Julie doing in AP English BTW?”
Dammit,I read their profiles and their records. I was not teaching a class of 25, I was teaching database design to 25 unique individuals.
And I ALWAYS finsihed on time! Like timing a speech…never figured out why so few professors could do this.
Sorry, I’ll shut up now and extreme apologies for the hijack.
No problem, LiveOnAPlane, I hope one day I’ll be lucky enough to have a teacher with your philosophy. 
Thank you so much. That is extremely generous of you, considering that this is, I firmly believe, the least you should expect as a student.
…In a small classroom, that is. I know it is impossible if one has a class of 300.