I need some for a baked bean recipe.
Should I just go out and trap some moles?
Do I need a hunting liscence?
Do I need to shave the asses?
How safe is it to eat rodents butts anyways?
Anything I could substitute?
Have you tried the grocery store?
You could substitute rat’s asses. But don’t ask me for any, because quite frankly, I don’t give a rat’s ass.
Seriously, you can get molasses at the grocery store, in the Baking Needs aisle next to the corn syrup and sugar.
None of the markets around here sell small game animals.
On a plus note, I ran over a squirrell! 
I’ll see if its dead ass works.
My kitties only leave heads, so rodent hiney must be fit for consumption. Chow down on a few and let us know how it works out. 
The problem isn’t the asses…it’s the number of them you need.
6.02214199 × 10 to the 23rd asses, to be exact.
That’s a lot of ass. 
UvD, I’ve tried it with that syrupy brown stuff they sell in the sugar/baking isle of Safeway (and that they spell wrong, too, what is it about the French Canadians anyways?), but it just doesn’t feel right to use canned when I can (possibly) get fresh.
Jennifer Lopez has been hard at work for years.
See, I was going to make a Limbaugh joke.
There’s an old joke that I love.
There’s a Papa Mole, a Mama Mole and a Baby Mole walking through a mole hole. The Papa mole stops and goes, “that’s funny, I smell vinegar.”
(at this point, I don’t really need to tell you the rest of the joke, but anyway…)
Then Mama Mole stops and goes “That’s funny, I smell mustard.”
Then Baby Mole goes, “Well, that’s funny. I smell molasses.”
Moles aren’t rodents; they’re members of the Order Insectivora, Family Talpidae.
Hell, it makes about as much sense to call us rodents.
That reminds me of the story of the Three Moles.
The Three Moles were walking along outside Farmer Brown’s house, where Mrs. Brown was busy making a big pancake breakfast. Suddenly, the smell of the baking and cooking and such took hold of the moles, and they stopped to investigate.
Mole #2 says to Mole #1, “Let me up on your shoulders so I can investigate.”
So Mole #2 climbs up on Mole #1’s shoulders, but can’t quite reach the window. “Ooooh, I can smell those pancakes, and they smell gooooood!”
Mole #3 says to to Mole #2, “Now let me up on your shoulders, so I can reach the window.”
So Mole #3 climbs all the way up onto Mole #2’s shoulders, and has a clear view of Mrs. Brown and her pancakes. “Oooh, I can *see * those pancakes, and they look good!”
Mole #2 says, “I can still smell 'em, and they still smell good!”
Mole #1 exclaims, “But all I can smell is mole asses!”
I feel fairly confident that most any sausage is going to have some sort of animal asses in it.
Not rodents? :eek:
Well I’ll flipped over like a flap jack and spanked with a two by four!
How about voles? Or Vols, even? I hear University of Tennesee has plenty of tail available.
Has anyone heard the joke about the three moles? … Oh.
Ah! So they’re 1920s Style Mole Asses!
The trouble with harvesting fresh asses is that you never know when you’re finished. You carve out the ass hole and what’s left? A bigger hole. Does that constitute a new ass hole? Carve that out and you’re left with an even bigger hole. What now? Keep carving? I mean, I know some people who are all ass hole, but I don’t know if that applies to moles.
Just use honey (which does not come from bee asses, but is actually bee barf! Yum!). Mr. S swears by it when he makes baked beans.
First, catch your mole.
Oh god! I almost spit up on myself. That was hilarious!
Wow. Just think of that. You can start out with very small mole assholes, and by simply carving them more and more wind up with more asshole so you can make a larger portion of baked beans! More from less! Assholes defy physics!