Hypothetically, let’s say someone, a successful but easily distracted single professional for example, looks around their life one day and sees a myriad clutter of half finished projects and the normal clutter and detritus of a bachelor lifestyle. They want to get started on cleaning up all the clutter and making their lives more ordered, but entropy always wins and somehow they never find or make the time to initiate the multiple projects that need to be completed, and instead sit around surfing and posting on the internet all weekend.
If, this unusual hypothetical situation existed, is there any service where one could obtain the services of a professional nag, to fight the twin gravitational pulls of self distracting behavior and the attraction of net centered indolence, that keeps all these necessary things from being done? In short, is it possible to hire an intelligent, professional nag to whip you into shape, or do you have to court and marry women to get this level of necessary, high quality nagging?
Call up one of the professional cleaning companies and organise a ‘Spring Cleaning Session’ where YOU supervise (and assist) the cleaner to get your house into order.
Once it is cleared of the clutter, you will then feel more able to tackle the other ‘issues’ that need attention. There is nothing more disheartening than realising that you need to get your arse into gear, but because of the enormity of the task, have NO idea where to start.
Or, if you are in a really bad way, how about one of those ‘Life Coaches’…professional motivators who make you feel guilty about how slack you are. For a handsome fee, of course!
I saw a book the other day on getting organised, having a clean house, and not being a “slave to housework,” and picked it up to browse through. I practically threw it away from me however when I read a statement akin to “after a while, you should be able to get a sytem going where you’ll only be spending little more than two hours a day on housework.”
Two hours a day?! What?! I can’t fathom that…that’s a lot of ironing, scrubbing, knick-knack buffing, whatevering…
I’d come to your house and nag you professionally—what type of nagging do you respond best to? The emotional blackmail type, the carrot and stick type, the faster, studmuffin! type?
I should have business cards made up…
I would be more than happy to nag you for free. Just let me know. Or you could call my mother and as an added bonus she would also nag you about being single! Let me know…
Or you could call my Dad? He does very well at the nagging, although his is mostly health related, along the lines of “Why are you always on the internet, get outside and see what fresh air is like”.
Damn it, Astro, why are you fiddling around on the internet!
Could you at least put the junk mail in one pile, since you seem bound and determined to keep it forever, rather than getting rid of it.
Or maybe you’re saving the junk mail to build a fort so that when those giant dust bunnies run out room under the furniture and attempt to colonize the rest of the house, you’ll have a place to hide.
That might be a good idea, because those grease stains on the stove could feed an angry hoard of bloodthirsty dust bunnies for days.
Look, I’d love to hang out and chat, maybe have a cup of coffee - but I don’t really want any of the 300 half-filled cups of coffee you have artistically arranged throughout the place.
Bye now. Gotta go talk to my friend from the Swedish Bikini Team. She has some hot story about how she and whole team did crazy things with this guy who had gone to military school. She told me, get this, he will pick up his hair out of the shower drain without being asked!!! You can imagine what kind of affect something like that has on a Swedish Bikini team!
