Where Will Santa Live When the North Pole Melts?

[Tuckerfan]

Some estimates project that ice will completely disappear in the summer by 2012.

This week, after reviewing his own new data, NASA climate scientist Jay Zwally said: “At this rate, the Arctic Ocean could be nearly ice-free at the end of summer by 2012, much faster than previous predictions.”

All of this raises the question: What will people tell kids about Santa’s place when there’s no ice at the North Pole? Remember that the little bugger’s tend to have it genetically programmed into them that Santa lives at the North Pole, and if they hear that there’s nothing there but water, they’re going to be filled with visions of reindeers drowning in their heads. :eek:

[Der_Trihs]

Well, that’s one way to explain to kids that there is no Santa Claus. “Sorry kids, no presents from Santa this year. He died. Drowned when the North Pole melted. Elves too.”

[Least_Original_User_Name_Ever]

Headless and in my trunk.
Just like he is now.

What?

[Lumpy]

It depends on whether Santa and crew live at the North Pole: (1) For geographic reasons, or (2) Whether the North Pole was considered the embodiment of eternal winter. If they’re determined to stay at Latitude 90 degrees N., I suppose a large ark or cruise ship might do. (At least until Russia claims the area as Russian waters). If they’re supposed to stay in permanently frosty climes, then they’ll have to relocate. I suppose the Greenland icecap might do (even the worst scenerios don’t envision all of Greenland melting). Antarctica is also a possibility, except that the South Pole already has a permanent base there.

[carnivorousplant]

@Lumpy

Antarctica is also a possibility, except that the South Pole already has a permanent base there.

That was one of the suggestions in my thread “FTW is it with you people and Penguins?” Penguins have become popular in Christmas images despite their living at the South Pole because Santa must relocate. The other suggestions were a criminal takeover of the Working Elves of the World Union, and drugs. But I digress.

[Muffin]

Our late Prime Minister’s son already knows where: http://www.cbc.ca/news/story/2003/12/24/santa_norad031224.html

From Justin Trudeau’s eulogy to his dad, October 2000: I was about six years old when I went on my first official trip. I was going with my father and my grandpa Sinclair up to the North Pole. It was a very glamorous destination. But the best thing about it is that I was going to be spending lots of time with my dad because in Ottawa he just worked so hard. One day, we were in Alert, Canada’s northernmost point, a scientific military installation that seemed to consist entirely of low shed-like buildings and warehouses. Let’s be honest. I was six. There were no brothers around to play with and I was getting a little bored because dad still somehow had a lot of work to do. I remember a frozen, windswept Arctic afternoon when I was bundled up into a Jeep and hustled out on a special top-secret mission. I figured I was finally going to be let in on the reason of this high-security Arctic base. I was exactly right. We drove slowly through and past the buildings, all of them very grey and windy. We rounded a corner and came upon a red one. We stopped. I got out of the Jeep and started to crunch across towards the front door. I was told, no, to the window. So I clambered over the snowbank, was boosted up to the window, rubbed my sleeve against the frosty glass to see inside and as my eyes adjusted to the gloom, I saw a figure, hunched over one of many worktables that seemed very cluttered. He was wearing a red suit with that furry white trim. And that’s when I understood just how powerful and wonderful my father was.

[MLS]

Well, he’s been invited to stay in Kyrgyzstan.

[Terrifel]

Oh, pshaw. Santa Claus’ workshop is patently located on dry land. The evidence is clear and unambiguous. Every authoritative depiction of Santa’s house shows at least a few Christmas trees outside, and they don’t grow on icebergs, now do they? Obviously there must be at least a small island in close proximity to the North Pole, no doubt warmed by geothermal activity to a temperature amenable to plant growth, and that’s where the workshop is located.

The fact that the island isn’t clearly depicted on maps is of little consequence-- it doesn’t have to be all that large, so perhaps it’s simply occluded by the dot that demarcates the North Pole itself. Santa should be fine if the ice melts, though he may have to institute some new security features to ward off the thousands of polar bears converging on his tiny speck of dry land every summer.

[Pithy_Moniker]

I vote for Mars.

[Tuckerfan]

@Pithy Moniker

I vote for Mars.

I think that if he’s going to relocate off-Earth, Neptune is the place to be!

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

Naturally Santa will live in my basement apartment.

By “basement apartment,” of course, I mean “subterranean dungeon/weapons lab,” and by “live,” i mean "toiling alongside his accurrsed elves and forced to adapt his tesseract-based toy delivery technology to my evil ends. " And by “naturally” I mean “while being forced to watch reruns of Star Trek: Voyager every morning as punishment for not bringing me a bow & arrow set per my request when I was 9.”

[carnivorousplant]

@Skald the Rhymer

while being forced to watch reruns of Star Trek: Voyager

Man, that is cold.

[Zebra]

SeaLab
There will be a lot of babes in rubber wet suits.

[Tuckerfan]

@Zebra

SeaLab
There will be a lot of babes in rubber wet suits.

Cool. Maybe we’ll finally be able to get shrabsters.

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

@Terrifel

Oh, pshaw. Santa Claus’ workshop is patently located on dry land. The evidence is clear and unambiguous. Every authoritative depiction of Santa’s house shows at least a few Christmas trees outside, and they don’t grow on icebergs, now do they? Obviously there must be at least a small island in close proximity to the North Pole, no doubt warmed by geothermal activity to a temperature amenable to plant growth, and that’s where the workshop is located.

The fact that the island isn’t clearly depicted on maps is of little consequence-- it doesn’t have to be all that large, so perhaps it’s simply occluded by the dot that demarcates the North Pole itself. Santa should be fine if the ice melts, though he may have to institute some new security features to ward off the thousands of polar bears converging on his tiny speck of dry land every summer.

Santa already had excellent security measures in place, as his workshop did not appear on satellite imagery. I suspect he was using an adaptation of the space-warp technology he used to access his storage facilities from his bag. I’ll let you know for sure after he finishes watching VOYAGER: Season 6. I expect he’ll be a lot more amenable then.

[Red1980]

I say santa and his reindeer becomes amphibious. If the guy can get presents to billions of children all over the world in one night, and fit down chimneys, I’m sure he can become amphibious.

Does that make them… raindeer? HA HA HA.

[carnivorousplant]

@Red1980

Does that make them… raindeer? HA HA HA.

It’s coal for you next year, Pal.
Wet coal.

[Tuckerfan]

@carnivorousplant

It’s coal for you next year, Pal.
Wet coal.

Which raises another question: Given it’s connection to global warming, and it’s utter useless to 99% of the American population, why does Santa continue to bring children coal? Wouldn’t it make more sense for Santa to bring/do something else in the case of “naughty” children. Perhaps bring them nothng but socks, underwear and educational games/toys? Or repo previous years Christmas presents and give them to needy kids who’ve been good?

[Mr.Moto]

We could just do what the Dutch do, and have Santa live in Spain.

Of course, that brings into question his politically incorrect sidekick, “Black Peter.”

[Tuckerfan]

@Mr. Moto

We could just do what the Dutch do, and have Santa live in Spain.

Of course, that brings into question his politically incorrect sidekick, “Black Peter.”

Only if we get the good drugs like they do!