For lunch today, I had the brilliant idea to go to the local Taco Bell establishment to partake of their Pseudo-Mexican food. 2 Beef burritos and a chili-cheese burrito sounded pretty damn good to me.
So, I go and leave for lunch at 1pm, thinking I’d beat the herd of people, (Those of you who have worked in any service industry know of that which I speak of. That people in general are like cattle….They come and go in herds 
) that comprises the lunch rush.
I think I need to stop thinking, because THAT part of my idea failed miserably. As I pull in the lot, I see that it’s full, and there are cars jockeying for position to be the next car that can squeeze into the drive-thru lane, and the lobby looks like a frat prank to see how many people can be crammed into the building at one time.
So, I quickly consider my other options for lunch. Steak N’ Shake? Nah, I only have 20 min left on Lunch. I’d be lucky if I made it past the speaker in that time frame. Micky D’s? Nah, have to drive through a bunch of construction to get there. White Castle? Images form of myself being lynched by fellow office workers, and hung from the large eagle on top of the building as a warning to others that dare eat White Castle belly bombers at work Umm…No. So, I take a deep breath and resign myself to the line for the drive-thru, while thoughts of Beef burritos and chili-cheese burritos dance through my head.
After a short wait, I finally get to the speaker to order, and have the following conversation:
Drive-Thru Cashier Who Don’t Know Her Ass From A Hole In The Ground (Hereafter known as ID-10-T): Hell<crackle><crackle>ake,<crackle><crackle>lease?
Me: Two Beef Burritos, a Chilito and a Large Pepsi.
ID-10-T: <crackle> Bean Burri<crackle> Ito, and <crackle> Diet Pepsi?
Me: No, that’s 2 BEEF (enunciated more profoundly) Burritos, a Chilito, and a Large REGULAR Pepsi.
ID-10-T: 2 Bean Burritos, <crackle>ito, and a medium Pepsi?
Me: No, that’s 2 BEEF Burritos, BEEF, B-E-E-F, as in from a COW, a Chilito, and a LARGE PEPSI.
ID-10-T: 2 Beef Burritos, a chilito, and a Large Pepsi. Is that correct?
Me: (thinking: wow she finally got it right AND held the talk button down the whole time!) Yes, that’s correct.
ID-10-T: Thank you your total is $13.72 please pull forward.
Me: huh? (thinking: What the FUCK? Did I order the Holy Black Angus or something?)
ID-10-T: I’m sorry, that’s not right, please pull forward.
So, I pull forward, and get the correct total, get my drink (which she had to ask me AGAIN, what kind of drink it was), get my food (which I check…the burritos are wrapped as “special” which is what they should be as a Beef Burrito) and drive off.
I finally get back to my place of whurrrr …wooorreh …werrr …wuh wuh wuh ……Place of Employment, sit down at my desk, unwrap the beef burrito, and take a NICE big bite.
AAUGH!! It’s a FUCKING BEAN BURRITO DAMMIT!
AAUGH!! So’s the OTHER ONE!
Here I was ALL ready for some psudeo-mexican food, in a paper thin stale flour tortilla, filled with Real imitation beef, imitation spices, and Real imitation cheese, and what do I get? Two damn frigging time delay methane bombs! [sub]1[/sub]
I go to look at the receipt, to see if she even entered it right, and I see this:
2 BEAN
-BEAN +BEF
What in bloody hell?
Isn’t that like inputting a cheeseburger -cheese instead of just punching the damn hamburger key?
bangs head against desk in defeat
So in closing, All I have left to say is:
Drive-thru gal, who don’t know her ass from a hole in the ground: May you actually have to work the dinner rush, and then get molested by a pack of roaming gangland Piñata’s for holding a gun to my head and forcing me to eat these …… these ……BEAN BURRITOS!
stomach starts to rumble as the methane filled beans move their way through
ACK, gotta run to the little boys room now, before I get lynched
[sup]1[/sup]Of COURSE I ate them. Unless it’s moving, making noises, or shows signs of intelligence, it’s all fair game to eat. And anyways, I was hungry!