Which Hell would be worse for you?

The hypothetical: these are the only options.

Pain Hell – in your brief sojourn on Earth, you’ve demonstrated yourself worthy of an eternity of intense physical discomfort. I guess you can have scary little demons facilitating things, but although they are unnerving their principle service to you is finding flesh that hasn’t been rent or chewed from your bones recently, or showing you constellations of agony you never thought possible.

Crazy Hell – As above, the merciful Father has decided you will never again know which way is up, what’s on TV or in the fridge (is it milk? or ants!), you’ll never sleep, you’ll never even be certain whether you’re dead or still alive. Nothing will ever make any kind of sense to you, and it will never cease to frustrate you.

Is being unable to sleep going to have the same effects on my mental state that it would in my mortal body? 'Cause it’s my understanding that it would drive me insane. And if I’m insane, why would I be frustrated?

Heck, if I’m not insane, why would I be frustrated? Randomity is the new order.

I’m guessing that you are being driven to insanity…but you never quite reach your destination.

Sugar free cookies are reallllllly bad.

Stuck in a locked room with an attractive air-headed woman and a malevolent lesbian intent on destroying my ego. And there would be a weird sculpture on the mantelpiece.

I’ve lived with chronic pain for decades now, so I have some experience with handling that. Been married three times, so I know crazy and it doesn’t scare me. I don’t have a sweet tooth, so how the cookies are sweetened is of no concern to me.
Sounds like the deity in charge better come up with a better Hell if S/He wants to bully me into following Hir rules.

Yes, the cookies are crafted by The Devol Hisself.

Or maybe you get there but never quite settle in.

I think I know where you’re headed. Crazy Train waiting for you on platform 6-7/8.

Always that weird sculpture–almost looks like something. A primitive part of your brain knows exactly what it is, and knows better than to clue the rest of your mind. So your conscious mind sees the object, and your subconscious makes a great show of not knowing what it is you’re talking about.

No worries, scumpup, they’re professional in Hell. They’ll surprise you. So you would prefer…I’m sorry, which would you prefer?

I have a feeling I am being set up - I say I prefer one, and then I get the other.

So Hell is a code review?

O my God! I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of Heaven and the pains of Hell; But most of all because I have offended Thee, My God, Who art all-good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, To confess my sins, to do penance, And to amend my life.

[del]Amen[/del] Regards,

I’m pretty much already a rage-filled lunatic, so I’d prefer to not add excruciating pain to the mix.

I’ll take the pain, then.

Don’t worry, they’ll leave you your perfect ears.


Third hell has cookies. I can’t stand cookies, but they’re not as bad as painful insanity.

I’m just trying to figure out whether it would drive me crazy or not.

Also I’m not sure what the hell of sugar free cookies entails - do I have to eat them? Are the beds made of them? Is the TV tuned to the sugar free cookie channel? Would I turn into a sugar free cookie? What are we talking here?

Wait, hold on, you mean to say regular life’s not like that for you guys ?!

I’ll take option 1.

I’ve seen all the “Hellraiser” movies. Those guys know how to party.

Apparently, I’m already experiencing both hells. Six of one…

Of course third Hell has cookies. it’s the Dark Side, after all.

I have had good sugar free cookies. I’ve even made some good ones. If I volunteer to be the baker, can I get out of the pain and the crazy?

Actually, that’s been my week. It’s been hell. Then I subjected you all to my thinkery.

Some theologians define hell as separation from god. I am inclined to agree with that. Except, of course, that I think that’s a good thing.

I teach. Bring it.