No way - the monkey ain’t a kid!
Oh, what the hell. I suppose I can train it to throw feces at my enemies.
I dunno. Got a pair of high boots? 
Well, I’m only 21 so it’d be a bit odd having 20, 16, and 15 year old kids but I’ll take the Girardis from Joan of Arcadia.
…er, almost 23, not 21. I’m going senile already. Hope they’ll look after me.
The Bundy kids. Don’t have to feed them or take care of them, get to practice all my sarcastic verbal barbs, and the daughter will bring home a constant stream of low-lifes for me to pummel. Despite all this, we will still maintain an us versus the world attitude (and drive an old Dodge that when I call the automated help line will identify me specifically).
Ooh, I get them after you. We’ll move to the hinterlands of Canada. That ought to keep Count Olaf away for at least a month. You’re funeral will be exquisite, I swear.
Apparently I’ll have to work out some kind of custody arrangement for Boo from Monsters Inc.
Teeeee heee heee … kitty!
Nobody wants any of the kids from Christmas movies? I thought about the little girl from the original Miracle on 34th street. It would be weird that I could only take b&w photos of her but I would definitely get her swimming lessons.
Michael Bluth from Arrested Development.
I really wanna adopt him.
Dash.
Chesney from Corrie.
And on scrolling down before submitting… Boo from Monsters Ink
Has the word ‘bucket’ ever sounded cuter!
Bam-Bam Rubble.
and it would be cool if Hoppy came along as part of the deal.
The creepy little girl from “The 4400”, the one that can see into the future.
Since there’s so much fear of them, she’d of course have to be homeschooled.
“Today we’re going to learn about horses! Do you know what a trifecta is?”
Stewie from Family Guy. I figure I would earn his eternal gratitude by getting him away from Lois, and I want to be on the little monster’s good side when he eventually conquers the world.
Little Girl Satan from Last Temptation of Christ. She even looks a bit like me.
The Weasley Family.
Even the mom & dad.
They would be loads of fun.
Rory Gilmore. But only if I could marry Lorelai.
Wednesday and Pugsley Addams.
Did Jude Law make any movies as a child?
That’s who I want. I want me some Jude.
His first movie was at 22, but he did TV at 17
Forget Harry Potter, I want Neville Longbottom. Patient, kind, quiet – if I were ten years younger I’d have a mad crush on him. (Besides, he would probably be able to revive the houseplant that has been dying a slow death ever since I inherited it from my ex-roommate, and I think toads are cool.)