It’s been nearly 9 months since iampunha and I virtually eloped on my birthday. We’ve decided that our virtual lives are virtually incomplete without a virtual child.
Virtual sex, though great fun, has failed to yeild a virtual conception. So we’re a bit bummed. We have decided that virtual adoption is the road to take, since a virtual baby is too much work. We want a kid that someone else has already trained and conditioned.
So, our request of the Teeming Millions is this:
Please volunteer, or nominate someone else on the board, if you, or they, are in desperate need of some virtual parenting, whether that be discipline [spankings optional] or pampering. Or if you’ve got a virtual kid to sell, we can discuss compensation. Wackos, weirdos, and oddballs are most welcome.
[sub]We promise, maybe, kinda, perhaps, not to [re]sell the kid to fanatical virtual cults or sweatshops. We haven’t completely decided.
But yeah. I broached Palmyra about a month or so ago with the idea of having a virtual kid. And virtual pregnancies are just so . . . you know? You kinda feel cheated. Plus it would have been hard for Palmyra, what with school and all.
So come on, nominate someone . . . I promise we don’t bite.
Well, I’m house trained. That’s about all I can give you. Then there’s the frisbee games, psychiatrist appointments, food, shelter, clothing, birthday gifts, christmas (or hannukah (sp?), kwanzaa, ramadan) presents, and emotional trauma. I’ll spare you it all if you just give a cool million in small bills. Put it in a briefcase and leave it at the corner of fifth and reading. Come Alone.
I’m almost grown and going into college, but I am in severe need of some pampering, so I’m available. Plus you’ll get to be virtual in-laws to Gunslinger. Always a plus.
But wait till you find out about our secret plan to reprogram his mind and personality. We hope to create an army of super-beings comletely loyal to us!!
Sounds like someone needs a nappy-wappy, don’t you cutesy-wutesy? Yes, you do, oh! yes, you do! Come here, take this bottle-wottle and go sleepy-weepy!!
Ten bucks if you can name the commercial I’m mocking.
Uh, yeah… it’s a Visa commercial, right? With the mom talking to the kid all day, then hubby comes home and buys tickets to the theater… she reverts back to super-intelligent woman with a twist… says something like ‘Excellent use of iambic pentameter… wameter.’
I would volunteer, but I think my virtual mom FairyChatMom would be a tad disappointed. So instead I hereby nominate… err… hmmm… tatertot! I bet she’s in need of a good pampering right about now.
So we have Mercutio, tatertot, JustAskAnyone and racinchikki as possibilities (none of whom was in my initial “doperkid possibility bank”).
Palmyra, dear, I promise if you do that nappy-wappy thing in front of our kid(s) when I’m around I’ll take permanent custody. For the protection of the child, of course:)
As your vitual father, Palmyra, I want to object to this whole idea. Kids, virtual or virtually adopted, just detract from a virtual relationship that needs some time to strengthen. Why don’t you two just have lots of virtual sex for a couple of years and then start to think about virtual kids and such?
Ya know I love ya and will support your decision, but in my virtual opinion, go with the virtual sex thing for now, there’s plenty of time for virtual kids.
my qualifications:
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I am a newbie and thus pure and untainted from the raunchy posters here…[sub]yet[/sub]
I am bright. I figured out how to make a smilie on my own!
I have my own website, where you can keep a virtual eye on me. bilingual
I am well read: Vonnegut: Yes Kafka: yes Baum:oh my YES Suess:dont get me started! Pat the Bunny? be still my beating heart!
My morning Posts will not wake you up:I’m a night owl!
[/ul]
my needs and requirements:
[ul]
I need help with spelling and grammar. its simply atrucious.
I need guidance to keep me out of harm’s way. I am quite impressionable by Riff Raffy types
lern me how to make the rest of the smilies. see: :rollingeyeballs. (sigh) I need help!
[/ul]
and if you choose me, I promise to melt your heart and say Mommy the way David did in AI.
*wouldn’t you be so proud to display my virtual macaroni art on your virtual desk, holding your virtual pencils?"
