Which of these rewards for heroism would you prefer?

In an incident I feel no need to contrive, you save the life of an eccentric billionaire who owns or has controlling interest in a variety of different companies. She’s a mensch (can woman be mensches?) so she wants to reward you, but she’s still weird, so she wants to make the reward interesting. Thus she tells you you have the choice of four possible rewards.
[li]A one-time cash gift equal to your current annual salary or $50,000, whichever is greater.[/li][li]A one-year sinecure with one of her companies paying 150% of your current annual salary (payable in biweekly installments) or $75,000, whichever is greater (plus generous benefits and two weeks’ vacation). Your duties would be to surf the web and send the billionaire links to amusing message board posts, news stories, and so forth. But there are a few conditions. You’ll get a nice private office at headquarters, and you’ll have to be at work Monday through Friday from 10 a.m. to 4:30 p.m, with a half-hour lunch. She expects you to send her at least 6 links a day, and she’ll give you feedback on what she doesn’t want any more of. If you persist in sending her things that annoy her you may get canned; likewise if you call in sick at a rate that would get a regular employee fired. Also, you’re forbidden to embarrass the company or the billionaire in public. That doesn’t mean that you can’t complain about the company’s poor customer service to your wife or friends–just that you can’t flame the company or the billionaire on Facebook, give a negative interview to a reporter, and so forth during the year.[/li][li]A two-year-gig at one of her companies doing the sort of work you’re trained for, at the level you’re qualified for, paying 200% of the typical salary for such a job, or $100,000, whichever is greater. As long as you don’t slack off or do anything to embarrass the company (as detailed in #3) you’re guaranteed to keep the job for at least two years, but you’ll have to actually work and you’ll get regular performance reviews like any of your colleagues. At the end of the two years, you may or may not be retained; it depends on your performance.[/li][li]A scholarship covering tuition, books, and fees at the university of your choice to get a degree in whatever field you choose, along with a $30,000 stipend for living expenses. You get this for 4 years or until you get the degree you stated you wanted, whichever is less. Afterwards you get a job as described in (3), but are only guaranteed to keep it for one year.[/li][/ol]
Which reward do you take, and why?

I got 99 problems, but a wensch ain’t one. :cool:

I kind of like the idea of option 2, especially if I can bang out my “work duties” in half an hour or so, and spend the rest of my time doing something useful, like volunteering for a non-profit or finally writing that novel.

But 2 weeks off is not “generous.” Bump it up to 6, and we’d have a deal.

Option 3 is a good pay off for two years of work at which point I might be retiring anyway. Unlike option 2 there’s no requirement to actually go into the office.

Option 1. I would have to quit my current job to accept any of the other options and that would be stupid in the long run.

Option #3 is the most attractive. Especially if I can transition to it after I retire in a few years. A nice piece of change for work I love doing anyway, without all the hassles of parents, administration, school boards and teenagers. Sign me up!

Option 3, if we can negotiate a month for vacation. Frankly, it doesn’t even have to be paid vacation, as long as I can have July off and still have a job in August.

I like my work. I like it a lot, and I’m pretty good at it, so I suspect keeping the job will not be a problem. And I really like that salary! It’s not likely I could find another job in my field with the degree I’m almost finished with that would pay as much, and I have ZERO interest in getting another degree, even for piles of money and a pony that poops cupcakes.

:: googles “wensch” ::

:: sees that first link leads to the Urban Dictionary ::

I don’t know why you would risk sending me to such a place without first making sure Rhymer Enterprises wasn’t tracking you. Ah well. The deinonychuses will explain why that was unwise.

By generous benefits I was referring to medical, dental, and vision insurance. And really. how much vacation do you need from job whose duties could be satisfied by surfing the Dope, Facebook, and Twitter for a couple hours a day?

Anyway, the point of the six and a half hour workday was to emphasize that you have to be in the office that long each day. So the billionaire won’t care if you write a novel during that time, or play video games, or sleep (as long as she gets her six links), but you won’t be allowed to do charity work that takes out away from the office during her time.

I can see why you’d not want to quit your job for the sinecure, but why not the job requiring actual work? You wouldn’t be creating a gap on your resume or letting your skills get rusty, and unless you’re currently making much more than average in your field, you’re getting a considerable bump in salary.


I’m 71, give me the $$$$

No interest in the others.

I am not going back to work.

I’ll take the one-time cash up front.

I believe the traditional reward is the hand in marriage to a beautiful princess.

Exactly. Shouldn’t she be obligated to marry me now? Or her daughter at least? On edit, I’d marry her daughter, she wouldn’t marry her daughter. She’d marry her daughter to me. I just hope my wife will be cool with the idea, I’ll talk her into it.

I’ll take option 3.

Are you posting from some strange alternate Earth in which women are property?

I’d take #4 if I didn’t already have the terminal degree in my field, or if I were looking to change careers.

Since I have tenure at my current job, giving that up for a year or two of guaranteed employment doesn’t seem like that great of a deal even if the pay was better. I also currently get more vacation time than the billionaire is offering, and I can take an hour for lunch. So I’d have to say no to #2 and #3 as well and just take the cash (#1).

I’m taking the cash. I’ve got a pretty good job right now that I want to return to. I don’t think they’ll let me take a one or two year sabbatical.

I think I will take what’s behind door #3. I considered #4, but in four years I will be 62 and it will be difficult to change careers.


#4 is tempting, but not really much more than I could probably swing on my own, if I was to go back for a doctorate. If it was a stipend equal to my current salary, then game on!

Therefore it would be #3- I’d like a change in scenery anyway, and it would be nice to not only get it without having to go through all the job interview BS, but have 2x my current salary anyway. As long as they aren’t expecting 2x the performance of your normal employee, I’d be fine.

One-time cash, for the same reasons Lamia said. I might be tempted by #3, but I like my current workplace and the people there, not just the job in the abstract, and I’m not at all confident that I’d get so lucky again.