Which Orifices Are The Dirtiest?

Rank these orifices in terms of cleanliness in decending order (1 = cleanest, 6 = dirtiest).

Human Mouth
Human Vagina
Human Bunghole
Animal Mouth
Animal Vagina
Animal Bunghole


I ask because in another thread(http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=109169&pagenumber=2) OxyMoron said that the bunghole is CLEANER than the mouth, but I didn’t want to hijack the thread to verify that.

I’ve also heard many times that animal mouths are cleaner than human mouths, but Marilynn Vos Savant says they aren’t. Who’s right?

Human mouths are about the most dangerous orifice around, because the gums harbor a lot of anaerobic bacteria, which can cause nasty, very difficult to treat, and often fatal infections. I’ve treated dog, cat, and human bites, and seen the worst outcomes occur with human bites.

The other orifices (orifi?) may have many pathologic organisms too, but generally not those nasty anaerobic ones.


I would imagine that it depends on the animal (don’t forget, after all, that we are animals too), and it also depends upon the circumstance. I would guess, for instance, that a human mouth is “dirtier” to us than the mouth of a parrot, just because humans are more likely to carry infectious diseases & such that would be communicable to other humans.

I imagine it also depends upon the type of exposure to said orifice.

True, The Komoto dragon has a very very Nasty mouth.
Besides the pit like verbiage they have all kinds of anaerobic organism nasty in their oral orifice.
IIRC people who are bit by a dragon have a very high percentage of losing the limb.
So, I am with Yumanite here, what kind of Animal?

The vagina of a healthy woman is quite clean, certainly much cleaner than her mouth would be.

It also depends on the personal hygiene on said person, right? :smiley:

Just wondering… what is the practical application of this knowledge? If my (hypothetical) girlfriend’s ass is cleaner than her lips, do I stop kissing her?

The implications could be unnerving, unless your name is Oldscratch.

I presume you wouldn’t stop kissing her; merely ask her to perform half a cartwheel first.

Here we see the wonderful difference between The Straight Dope and MvS. While vos Savant just makes a proclamation and expects us to believe it without question, the good folks at the Straight Dope roll up their sleeves and do the research.

Or at least, they track down the people who’ve already done it.