In Honor of such interesting Presidential threads as Cartoon character, rock-n-roller, and Cereal Mascot, I bring you Athletes who have been charged with crimes.
There are many that spring to mind, O.J., Kobe, Daryll Strawberry, Ray Carruth, Mark Chumura, and so on. One of these guys needs to lead the free world, and the decision is in the able hands of you Cafe Dopers.
I will start the nominations with Jose Cansenco. He drives fast, likes a few illegal drugs( I think he inhaled), and is really, really strong. Talk about the lesser of evils, this is a tough one.
I’m tempted to go with Allen Iverson, just because I think it would be hilarious to see a president giving the State of the Union in a basketball jersey, cornrows, numerous tattoos, some ice, a do-rag and an oversize cap barely perched on the top of the head and cocked to the side so it looks like it will fall off any minute, I can’t nominate him in all seriousness.
Then I considered Chris Webber. He’s dating a supermodel, which is cool. And his only crime was taking money while at Michigan. But then, I think, he’s a weenie when it comes to crunch time, and I don’t think it would be good to have such a personality in a time of crisis.
I decided, in the end, on a ticket of Lamar Odom and Nate Newton. Marijuana would be legal in no time, comedy would be off the charts, and Odom is actually a pretty mellow guy so he would be president so I’m not worried about having a sociopath in there. And Nate could just be the tough guy getting the president’s back, which is what the VP needs to be doing.
It can only be OJ. His ability to do a deed, convince enough of a jury and approximately 50% of the American public that he was nowhere around the scene ought to serve him better than any contender in the ability to fool most of the people most of the time, which is all any decent president can expect.
Everybody knows that the best choice for Pro-Athelete-Charged-with-a-Crime-to-be-Elected-President is Mike “Chocholate Cake” Tyson and VP Booker T. Who would you rather have at a international Nuclear Disarmament Conference in Geneva? Some mamby-pamby lilly white Repubocrat or “Chocholate Cake”? Who would make sure heads were smacked if things didn’t go as planned? Who would threaten to “eat your children” if you didn’t agree to completly disarm? Damn right! Mike “I have a cool facial tattoo” Tyson. And if he didn’t do the job Booker T. would step in and suplex your ass, hit you in the head with a folding chair and rob you at gunpoint. That’s the kind of dynamic duo we need in the White House. That’s the kind of duo you need to be tough on foreign policy, domestic policy and Congress. That’s the duo we need in the Oval Office for 2004!
Dang, I completely forgot about Tyson. I think he would run away with it. I think it would be pretty funny if he pulled out his “I will fuck you 'till you love me” quote on Chirac or anybody else. He needs a more subdued running mate though, so I will suggest Nate Newton. With all that weed in his system, he has to be laid back.
I wrote in Barkley for governor during the Jim Folsom Jr. vs. Fob James AL governor’s race, since I didn’t like either candidate.
Of all the pro athletes charged with a crime, the best one I can come up with off the top of my head would be Jim Brown. Intelligent, worked his way up using his brains and his physical skills, socially conscious, an activist concerned with racial issues and reviving the innner city especially in LA. There are enough positive memories of his football and film careers that many whites would vote for him out of nostalgia.
Sure he doesn’t have the best record concerning his treatment of women but neither do many of the likely candidates.
Anyway, I think OJ’s got ‘politician’ written all over him and would probably make the best President. Allen Iverson would be VP. Mike Tyson would be the press secretary (ha ha!)
Did Alex Karras ever break the law or just NFL gambling rules? If he did commit a crime then he would be a good president. I think we need a president with toughness in these uncertain times; and who better to inspire the kind of toughness we need than a guy that punched out a horse in a Mel Brooks movie?