Which Species Has The Largest Penis?

[Surreal]

Which species of animal has the largest penis? I’d be interested in knowing which one in both relative and absolute terms.

For our purposes, ‘largest’ can be defined either length-wise or volumetrically, and ‘relative’ could be determine by either penile length/body length or penile volume/body volume.

If we were to rank all know species according to relative penis size, how far down from the top of the list would man be?

Thanks.

[Q.E.D]

The Blue Whale:

Whale penises, called dorks (yes, when called a dork in grade school you were actually being compared to a whale schlong), are the largest in the world, the blue whale being the champ with phalli approximately 10 ft. long and 1 ft. in diameter. Its smaller cousins, notably the appropriately named humpback and sperm whale, have penises that measure 9 feet or so.

[Colibri]

Regarding the “whale penis = dork” thing, I have never been able to find an authoratative cite for that. I suspect it’s bogus.

The champions for relative length are certain species of barnacle, in which the penis is up to twenty times longer than the animal itself. Since they are not mobile, penis length determines how many other individuals will be accessible.

Image here.

[Q.E.D]

@Colibri

Regarding the “whale penis = dork” thing, I have never been able to find an authoratative cite for that. I suspect it’s bogus.

Probably. But it was right in the middle of the bit I wanted top quote and I didn’t feel like snipping it out. Actually, that was the first I’d ever heard of it.

[SandyHook]

Well, that didn’t take long. Evidently when it comes to “peckers” we dopers know our stuff.

[Surreal]

Thanks.

According to this site-

http://www.enchantedlearning.com/subjects/whales/species/Bluewhale.shtml

Blue whales can be as large as 94 ft. in length. A 10 ft. penis on a 94 ft. whale would be equivalent to 7 11/16" penis on a 6 ft. man. Large, but clearly not huge.

However, if a 6 ft. man had a penis comparable to that of a barnacle, it would be 1,440 inches in length.

[Tapioca_Dextrin]

Slightly off topic, but the Ostracod penis is the world’s oldest preserved specimen at 100 million years old. The Ostracod also produces a sperm 10 times its own body length :eek:

[shelbo]

from the whale dork link:

If you measure as a percentage of body length things are a little different. Goose barnacles, with inch-and-a-half-long appendages, rate about 150%. Unbeatable, you think, until you learn that a rare species of Alpine banana slugs (Ariolimax dolichophallus) measure 6-inches long and possess 32.5-inch tumescences, or 542% times their body length. Incredible.

[spock]Interesting.[/spock]

[Oregon_sunshine]

10 feet x 1 foot!?!?!??? Dang!! How big is a whale vagina ?!?!??

[Philster]

Just wanted to pop in and say, “Good luck, we’re all counting on you” to come up with an answer to the OP.

Wanted to get a post in the giant penis thread, but couldn’t come up with anything terribly creative.

Carry on.

[pool]

I have heard that the marine iguana has the largest penis in proportion to it’s body. I will try to find a cite

[RadioWave]

Amongst avians, this duck’s wee-wee is the champion.

[Colibri]

@shelbo

Goose barnacles, with inch-and-a-half-long appendages, rate about 150%. Unbeatable, you think, until you learn that a rare species of Alpine banana slugs (Ariolimax dolichophallus) measure 6-inches long and possess 32.5-inch tumescences, or 542% times their body length. Incredible.

They are underestimating the poor barnacle. Some acorn barnacles, as I mentioned, have a penis 20 times (or 2000%) their body length. The banana slug’s is a mere 5.4 times body length.

Banana slugs, which are simultaneous hermaphrodites (male and female at the same time) have the interesting habit of sometimes gnawing off each other’s penises once mating has been completed.

The barnacle’s endowment gives additional perspective on the significance of some of the raunchier verses of that classic sea shanty “Barnacle Bill the Sailor.”

I have heard the allegation about the marine iguana before, but I doubt very much it can compete with the other species mentioned.

[Q.E.D]

@Colibri

Banana slugs, which are simultaneous hermaphrodites (male and female at the same time) have the interesting habit of sometimes gnawing off each other’s penises once mating has been completed.

As the proud owner of a penis, myself, I can state categorically that this tidbit of information horrifies me to no end!

[lieu]

@Q.E.D.

As the proud owner of a penis, myself, …

You’re a penis?

[Q.E.D]

@lieu

You’re a penis?

[Colibri]

@Q.E.D.

As the proud owner of a penis, myself, I can state categorically that this tidbit of information horrifies me to no end!

You will then probably not want to check out this link, which features photos and a triple-X rated video of penis-chewing behavior in banana slugs.

WARNING! EXTREME SEXUAL CONTENT! NOT WORK SAFE (if you happen to be a banana slug)!

[Sqube]

Tsk tsk tsk… I’m surprised no one remembered what the master had to say on the subject.

For those who don’t want to read the whole thing (it’s about honey being bee vomit), here’s the relevant part:

@Cecil Adams

Did you know that proportionally to its body size, the genitalia of a drone bee are among the largest of any animal on earth?

…

The size of its equipment is thought to be directly related to the drone’s post-coital fate, namely death. My bee book notes, “[the genitals] are contained in the abdomen and presumably getting them out of the abdomen for the purpose of mating places such a strain on [the bee] that it dies in the process.”

[maddhatter717]

Marsupials have a bifurcated penis. Just thought i’d throw that in .

[Colibri]

@maddhatter717

Marsupials have a bifurcated penis. Just thought i’d throw that in .

And female marsupials have three vaginas. Seems like overkill.

Lizards and snakes, by the way, have two separate penises.