My penis is

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My penis is fourty seven inches long. I once used it to thwart a gangland rape, simply by displaing it’s magnificence,
You?

2

I suppose if I’m really honest, I use mine as a sort of car substitute.

3

In April 1994, Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley offerered me $250k to stop a runaway El train with mine. I did it for free, and received the key to the city.

4

My penis is new and improved with a fresh lemon scent. It is not, you should note, necessary to use it in a well-ventilated area.

5

mightier than a sword sword.

6

invisible and deadly

7

My penis features prominently in the creation mythos of many religions.

8

My penis

is awesome. And by awesome i mean totally sweet.

9

Geez…what is it about boys and their dicks? You’d think that there was nothing else out in the world more interesting than their schlongs.

I reckon that the male preoccupation with willies is just good ol’ Freudian penis envy.

:stuck_out_tongue:

10

…a many splendored thing

11

My penis speaks to me in tongues.

My penis has a tongue.

12

Facts:

  1. My penis is a mammal.

  2. My penis fights ALL the time.

  3. The purpose of my penis is to flip out and kill people.
13

…not talking to me at the moment.

14

This is my Penis. There are many like it but this one is mine. My Penis is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my Penis is useless. Without my Penis I am useless. I must fire my Penis true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy, who is trying to kill me. I must shoot before he shoots. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my Penis and myself are defenders of my country, we are the masters of my enemy, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.

(Quote slightly modified for current OP)

Jim

15

My penis has slept with more women than I have.

16

My penis is vital to the war against terrorism.

My penis is bringing about an economic recovery.

17

…does a great impression of young Elvis, with a rockabilly growl that drives the crowd wild.

18

Clearly, your penis has real ultimate power.

19

My penis hath charms to soothe the savage breast.

20

My penis is…

…laughing at your penis.