I keep having this dream where I have a penis and get very aroused and have sex with women. I’m sure there’s some phsycological meaning behind this, but as a girl, I have always wondered what it would be like. In the dream, I have a sense of power and domination. Is that what its like?
I think the Phytons put it best.
[Noel Coward voice]
Isn’t it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn’t it frightfully good to have a dong?
It’s swell to have a stiffy.
It’s divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world’s biggest prick.
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife’s best friend,
Your Percy, or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don’t take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won’t come back.
[/Noel Coward voice]
I’m sure somebody will be along shothly to give a proper answer.
And let me be the first to welcome you the the Straight Dope.
Hi Opulence how’s it hanging ? Well , in your dreams anyway 
Rats. Yojimbo beat me to it!
But I might as well add, it’s mighty swell (no pun intended)!
It’s great! You can pee quickly, anywhere, but don’t get caught.
There are disadvantages to having your plumbing mounted externally. I think that bicyclist Lance Armstrong gains an edge by having a ball or two fewer to interfere with his bike seat.
Having one is good,
It sucks from time to time though,
he’s always awake before I am,
I hate it when he gets stuck in the fly of my boxers
its hard to hide sometimes, (especially in a pair of soccer shorts)
nobody opens doors for me, or pays for my dinner, etc.
clothes are more expensive and harder to find (not always true, but how many 5 10 15 stores sell nice clothes for men?)
When someone gets pregnant it is always the man’s fault in the eyes of everyone.
we must search for sex, women just have to ask.
but these are just the bad points
Power and Domination? Now I know the Male PR guys have been working overtime.
It means you have an outie instead of an innie. And you have to decide which leg of your pants in which to wear it.
Reading this thread, I just had to add a Dennis Miller quote:
“You’re vagina goes inward, you introspect. Our penises stick outward, we want to knock things over with it.”
Dammit, your, not you’re.
I think you answered your own question there. Dreams aren’t inherently deeply psychological (remember the Calvin and Hobbes cartoon where his mind is manned by little Calvins and as Calvin is sleeping, his little Calvins are just playing random film reels of events and assorted weird things). We’ve all had dreams that make absolutely no sense, but we try to make sense of them, thinking it just has to mean something.
My mom once told me that if I put anything in the oven, I should remove all the plastic tupperware first. That night, I dreamt I left them in there by accident, baked something in the oven, and the plastic stuff all melted. You’re curious about what it’s like to have a penis (let’s NOT get into Freud’s Penis Envy thing), so you had a dream you had one and used it. Same thing.
by Nikki Reed, FM99, WNOR
The Day I Had A Penis
Twas the night I grew a penis and all through the house…
Buck and the kids were sleeping…quiet as a mouse.
With me in my own bed …and Buck in a different room…
I’d grown a male member, overnight it just bloomed…
Not just any johnson,----an uncircumcised wanger
with large, hairy jewels—asymmetrical hangers
With visions of Ray Liotta dancing in my head…
I awoke to wet sheets…I’d spluged in my bed
And what to my wondering eyes should I see…
but a big veiny man-thing hangin off me
It’s eye, how it glistened…those nads, how smelly…
and I shook it when I grabbed it, like salami at a deli
Then suddenly a feeling came over me…
It was the urge to take an incredible pee…
I targeted the bowl, but hit the floor and the lid
I still had better aim than Buck ever did…
I went to the shower to give it a clean…
Then found a pair of very loose blue jeans
Tucked everything in my undies with a bit of a jerk…
then, wearing a long sweater, I took off for work…
I calmly wrote news, and made sure I could hide it…
But then, without warning, I got real excited…
It was a picture of Eddie Vedder on the cover of Rolling Stone
that gave me one huge, incredible bone…
I squirmed and maneuvered with all of my might,
but that stick was a growin’…my jeans got real tight
I ran out of the studio, like a squealing hog
flew into the bathroom, and adjusted my log…
I had to it somewhere…it was time to stuff
So I stuck my budding muscle inside of my muff…
“News time” they yelled…so I ran back in
with both my private parts rubbing…skin to skin…
Each step caused a stroking of my piece in my pie
I thought…“Wow, so this is what it’s like to a guy”
Although bent around, my pud wasn’t tame…
Sweating and panting… “Oh my god… I just came”
I struggled through news and hoped that hot-dog would stay
and wondered, for instance, if Buck would turn gay…
But he never noticed…He didn’t touch me that day
He wasn’t expecting to get some, 'til May
The next day, I awoke, and my man thing was missing
Aw, it never even got a good-bye kissing
But nine months later, I had a Baby
Gave birth to a girl, and …I named her “ME”
I dunno, I think it certainly does sound like a clear case of penis envy… 
I generally think of it as a sort of Achilles heel–the perfect place for some individual (woman, usually) to hit me and have it really frickin hurt (well, that’s more the other half of the fixture, but you get my drift). They just don’t seem to get how even a little tap, meant playfully, will leave you rolling on the ground in pain for a half-hour.
OUCH!
Then you’ve got to decide whether to tuck it into your boot or wrap it around your leg so it doesn’t drag.
Bad Tymp! Bad! SMACK
I once accidentally whacked this guy down there while standing in line for lunch at school. He was in pain for a bit. I felt bad about it, but he, of course, deserved it.
Penis Envy lyrics by Arni Adler and Andrew Ratshin
If I had a penis
I’d wear it outside
In cafes and car lots
With pomp and with pride
If I had a penis
I’d pamper it proper
I’d stay in the tub
And use me as a stopper
If I had a penis
I’d take it to parties
Stretch it and stroke it
And shove it at smarties
I’d take it to pet shows
And teach it to stay
I’d stuff it in turkeys
On Thanksgiving Day
I’d rival my buddies
In sports cars and stick shifts
I’d shower my spire
With girlies and gifts
I’d peek around corners
I’d aim at my toilet
I’d poke it at foreigners
I’d soap it and oil it
If I had a penis
I’d run to my mother
Comb out the hair
And compare it to brother
I’d lance her, I’d knight her
My hands would indulge
Pants would seem tighter
And buckle and bulge
A penis to plunder
A penis to push
'Cause one in the hand
Is worth one in the bush
A penis to love me
A penis to share
To pick up and play with
When nobody’s there
I’d sit like a boy
I’d straddle the chair
I’d play with my fly
Albeit with care
I’d dip it in chocolate
I’d stick it in sockets
I’d stroll to the movies
With hands deep in pockets
I’d stick in vacuums
On vacant verandahs
Gas guzzling Volvos
And poodles and pandas
In puddles and drainpipes
In doggies and ditches
Pool halls and potholes
And bottles and bitches
Zucchinis and zebras
Tomatoes, tomatoes
In pineapples, pumpkins
And gulches and grottos
In melons and marshmallows
Gloves and gorillas
Slurpies and slippers
Chinooks and chinchillas
A penis to plunder
A penis to push
'Cause one in the hand
Is worth one in the bush
A penis to love me
A penis to share
To pick up and play with
When nobody’s there
If I had a penis
I’d climb every mountain
I’d force it on females
I’d pee like a fountain
If I had a penis
I’d still be a girl
But I’d make much more money
And conquer the world.
[quote once accidentally whacked this guy down there while standing in line for lunch at school. He was in pain for a bit. I felt bad about it, but he, of course, deserved it. [/quote]
I’ll just stand over here
::edges to the other side of the room, not taking eyes off of Audreyk::
Weird things you ladies would do if you ad one! It reminds me of that book “Penis for a Day”. All the women seemed to want to put theirs on their foreheads or something.
Penis Envy makes folks do weird things, I guess. And you thought GUYS were strange.
It was in the sixth grade! More than ten years ago!! And he really did deserve it!! I wasn’t even aiming for it either…
As for Penis Envy, it’s too early in the morning for that… sigh
But I win free drinks at bars by betting on mine, hehehe.
“You spend nine months trying to get out, and the rest of your life trying to get back in.”
–Look Who’s Talking
It’s truly fabulous having a penis, they’re just so much fun to play with…
Oh. You mean your OWN penis, like attached to you.
Never mind.