…walks slowly away…
…turns back to fight ignorance…
All the part you quoted said was that ignoring things doesn’t actually make them go away. All the part you didn’t quote said was that you weren’t actually ignoring these guys if you gave them the finger. If you’d have stopped to think, even slightly, you’d realize that I am happy that you are doing something besides whining about it on a message board.
And not all men are brutes, and I don’t appreciate those stereotypes. Even if I’d said what you thought I’d said, it would just mean I’d say something snarky to you loudly enough for the whistlers to hear. Like maybe “Didn’t know we had any birds out here. Must be mating season.”
Not that walking with you would be on the top of my list of things to do.
If you had bothered to read the thread, several of us explained that we’re often cussed for failing to respond in the way the whistler expected. And you’re spanking us for failing to confront the whistlers in a hostile manner? My gut tells me that men crude enough to confront unaccompanied women aren’t going to take a rude, confrontational retort lightly. I’m not going to risk getting hurt to suit your crusade to make the world a better place. You want to put a stop to whistles and catcalls? Then you intervene and give those guys a lesson in manners BigT style.
It took all of 14 responses to get to “Did you see the way she was dressed? She was asking for it!!”
Sigh.
It is never anything but rude to comment on a stranger’s appearance. It demonstrates, at the very least, very poor social skills and a lack of boundaries. Cat calling is not a compliment, it is an attempt to assert dominance over someone he feels is “lesser” than him. They’re attempting to goad a reaction; THAT’S why someone who doesn’t react is a “bitch.”
Think about it. If you were honestly interested in getting to know someone, you’d attempt to strike up a conversation, wouldn’t you? Try to get a feel for them as a person, try to let them know a little about what you’re like? No one wolf whistles and expects to get a date out of it. Wolf whistlers are rarely in close enough proximity for an exchange of names or numbers to happen. They just want the woman to know that her appearance is all about him.
It’s not a compliment. I’ve seen guys wolf whistle in one breath and call her ugly the next. It’s not letting her know she’s attractive, it’s letting her know that he only thinks of her as an object, that exists / has value only in relation to what HE wants.
That, and I’ve gotta say, I don’t think I’ve ever been catcalled by a lone guy. It’s always, always been a guy with at least one other guy with him. So I’m thinking it’s got fuck-all to do with me, and it’s more of a way for these guys to bond. Or something.
Why these men care so much more about their male friends’ impression of their sexual prowess than about women’s opinion of them is awfully interesting.
It is a way that men bond, and one of the guys will show that he is bolder than the others by whistling or making a comment. Nobody believes (I don’t think) the woman being catcalled is going to run over and throw her clothes off. Nobody thinks some sort of relationship is going to come out of a catcall. She is almost irrelevant except that, generally, she would be attractive enough that all the guys are looking. It is the equivalent to pulling a girl’s hair in 3rd grade to show your friends you aren’t afraid of girls.
In my experience as a guy it goes like this:
A bunch of guys on a roof top, bored with pouring hot tar all day, see an attractive woman go by. Guy #1 says, “check it out.” Guy #2 says “Yeah, she’s hot”, etc. on through the guys. Somewhere in there one of the guys (NOT me!) might let loose with a whistle or a comment, mostly with the idea of getting the attractive woman to turn around. It’s almost a ritual for some guys and it has very little meaning. The anonymity of the roof top makes it easier and it’s easy to claim, on the off chance someone makes a fuss, that you didn’t whistle or that the whistle was for someone else.
It doesn’t do much good for everyone else to tell that one guy to knock it off. He sees his antics as elevating him above us chickens who are “afraid to let a girl know what we want.” And every now and then, some woman will actually respond in a positive way to a catcall and he has made his point forever.
I started to address this before. Obviously circumstances differ, but whistlers would be more concerned with the man’s reaction than the woman’s. Given a position of safety a man might do it, perhaps surrounded by buddies, or behind a fenced construction site, or just something done behind the back and unseen. The male escort is less likely to react to the whistle than some followup. There might be other circumstances where the whistler is intentionally trying to provoke the man, but then I think that changes the intent of the whistle entirely.
Even if I’m already irritated at the world, a well tempered, sincere compliment NOT about my body/figure usually won’t get wrath from me. Lots of guys know how to do this properly, particularly older gentlemen, I’ve noticed. Something like: “Excuse me, Miss. I’m sorry if this is forward of me, but you are really beautiful” or “Forgive me if this is out of line, but you look absolutely fantastic in that color today. It really makes your eyes sparkle.”
There’s basically no polite way to tell a stranger that she’s got titties for days or an ass that won’t quit.
Well, if the woman in question is a nameless total stranger whom they’ll never know socially, that’s an obvious reason for them to care more about the guys they see every day than about her. And it doesn’t directly affect the opinion of women they actually deal with either; she’ll talk about “those assholes at the construction site”, not “Bob Smith of 998 Beechwood Avenue”.
Or to put it another way, the guys are their own little tribe, and she’s just an anonymous outsider.
May I add that back in my heyday (the 60’s), when in a movie, guys used to whistle at an attractive female appearing onscreen? Lewd comments also were made. One doesn’t hear that so much anymore, or does one?
nobody has said so here it is, a guy generally will not whistle at a gal being escorted by a male because it violates a guy code. Generally, if a guy does whistle, his next comment will be directed toward the fella. But a whistle alone will not get the whistler a beat down
