White People's Funny Names for Children

https://www.google.kz/search?q=abcde+name+boarding+pass+photo&client=ms-android-gionee&prmd=ivn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjKwfjCofveAhUhqYsKHZP3AYYQ_AUoAXoECAwQAQ&biw=360&bih=559#imgrc=4yE7lNh7ZG9loM

When I taught first grade we would occasionally talk about how the kids got their names. One year I had a student named Allison, who said she had been named after the book character “Allison Wonderland.” Her father denied it, but I always liked the idea.

There was also Noah, who said he got his name because his parents’ basement flooded the day he arrived. I liked that one too.

Unusual names are fine, fuck it, life is short and it doesn’t matter. At this point in our culture naming a baby Todd is weird. By kindergarten Abcde will be referred to by something everyone can live with. It’s not like the kids name is the Prince symbol.

Honest to Dog, 18 years ago, I worried that “Alana” was a weird name. (Apparently, though, my daughter is the only member of her cohort who doesn’t have a name that rhymes with “ayley,” a “granny name,” or a last-name-as-given-name: Mckenzie, Taylor, Bailey, Addie, Haylie, Keighley, etc.)

Poor little Abcess…

Among the kindergarten set, Jackson is the new Michael. It’s become quite popular as a boy’s first name.

Psh. You’re nobody unless you spell it Jaxon.

*Jakxsson

Well as a mom white non Anglo, all your names are weird to me.
Why can’t you guys name your kids Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha like normal people?

I think that was in the first page of a horrible book I read some time ago. Damn thing had no plot whatsoever. The title, as near as I can remember, was something-something-dictionary. Almost put me off literature, it did.

Celtling had a classmate named “Six-ten.” His last name was a number too, so the parents had at least committed far enough to do it to themselves as well. The other children just accepted it; it was the parents who were @$$holes about it.

At the point of photographing the child’s ticket and :eek::mad:putting it out on social media:mad::eek:, this employee crossed a very sick and dangerous line. Do we really need to state this in the employee manual?

"We here at Generic Airlines do not dox children for the crime of having idiot parents."

I’d be willing to bet that the mom is lying about the airline employee posting the boarding pass picture on social media. Somebody who names her daughter Abcde isn’t exactly the most reliable source of information.

Here’s the thing. I’m not going to make fun of children (US or foreign born) or foreign born parents who gave their child an appropriate name from where they were from. Your example will be a mouthful for most in the US, and I’m sure the kid is going to come up with some sort of nickname, which again might be a common shortened form. Overall in society, there might be some questioning of the second or third generation parent who decides to name their child after one of their parents or grandparents, but that’s only because historically “ethnic” names in the US don’t work that way. (See the previous link to the Onion). And, for example, plenty of Americans give their kids Anglicized Hebrew names without thinking about it or what it actually means (and they’re often theophoric) without any questions. But I will always reserve the right to make fun of the parents who give their child a bad name, whether it’s a “creative” spelling or other example.

I was very, very confused when Reality Winner made the evening news last year. It doesn’t sound like a name, so much as a really strange pronoun (and one that she did not live up to).

The Washington Post article on the incident includes some second hand stats:

Should airline agents laugh at names, no matter how weird? No.

Is making up new weird names and spellings bad … Well I do genealogy in Norwegian valleys where 90% of the people have one of a couple of dozen names and where they used true patronymics rather than inheritable surnames. It’s not the worst cultural phenomenon unless one thinks people have the right to ridicule names they find odd.

No mention of former Olympic skier Picabo (pronounced “peek-a-boo”) Street? Her parents let her choose her own name when she was old enough.

Someone pointed out that she’s going to have issues applying for a job. What HR is going to look at a resume with the name Abcde?

In a really peculiar turn of events, my son has one of the more uncommon names in his particular age cohort.

His name is Matthew.

Oh, and Kayden/Caden/Kaeden/Braydon/Braden/etc… have moved from being middle/upper class names to being hicky/white trash names these days. Not that Freakonomics is that accurate on much, but the name progression bit seems to be dead-on.

When I worked in daycare, back in the early 00’s, there were multiple children named after whatever led to their mom getting knocked up. We had Sativa, Alisay and Hennessy. At least those are the ones I can remember. But really people. Don’t curse your kid’s future just so you can feel cool by naming them something weird.

My first name is Mark. In grade school there were two other kids named Mark in my class. A new kid joined the class whose name was Marc. All us Marks thought that was pretty messed up.

So much wrong packed into such a short story. :smack: