White-Trash / Bachelor Cookin'

Cafe Society
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Family "Recipes"

Macaroni and Cheese with Franks
Start the water to boil for the macaroni. Take a pack of cheap hot dogs and slice 'em crosswise into chunks about 1/2 inch thick. Throw those in with the macaroni to cook while it’s boiling and get all the greasy salty goodness cooked right into the pasta. You can save the water to use later as soup stock when you drain the pasta, if you want.

While still hot, mix in twice as much butter as it says to on the Kraft box. (You are using Kraft, right? None of that off-brand stuff. We do have some standards. Oh, and none of that new-fangled “gormet” shit. We’re makin’ Americana here, not art-iz-anal aged good-a hand-rolled pasta fru-fru furriner crap.)

Make sure to melt all the butter before you add the “cheese” packet. Ignore the milk measurement and only add as much milk as you need to get the clumps out. Stir while adding the milk a little at a time. The consistency when done should be pretty thick, almost sticking together, with little round chunks of hot dogs mixed in.

Garnish with pepper, tabasco, or chili pepper flakes, or whatever you have around that you think would taste good. Clumpy canned expired parmesan goes well too.

BELTS
Bacon Egg Lettuce and Tomato Sandwiches. Cook you some bacon over some low-assed heat. Get it nice and crispy. Take the bacon out and pour about 1/2 tablespoon or so of ketchup right onto the bacon grease. Use Heinz, fer gossake, not that shitty Huntz or DelMonte crap. Let the ketchup fry for a few seconds, then crack the eggs on top of the ketchup, one egg per ketchup spot. Break the yolk. Turn over and fry on other side when slightly more than halfway cooked on one side so you don’t get runnies all over the damn place.

Slather some mayonnaise on bread while the eggs is cookin’. Throw on sliced tomatoes, sprinkle pepper on, then add the lettuce and bacon. When the eggs’r done, put 'em in the sandwich and add the other slice of bread. If you don’t like soggy bread, better toast that shit before you add all the other fixin’s.

Best enjoyed with a can of tomater soup made with milk, not water.

Leftover Hash
Whatever you got left over from dinner that ain’t salad. Lightly fry some grated potatoes to make hashbrowns, throw appropr’t leftovers on top. Add a scrambled egg or two. Flip over and cook. Optionally add corned beef if you didn’t have any meat-ish things left over. If it tastes crappy, add tabasco, or grape jelly. Your choice.

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Macaroni and Spam was served in my house.

Also, toasted fried bologna sandwiches, sometimes with a fried egg, too.

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Frito chili pie

Heat up some canned chili, no beans. Open a bag of Fritos along the side seam. Must be Fritos brand, you can’t use any other kind of corn chips, but whether you use the big size chips or the original size is up to you. If you want to get fancy, you can pour the Fritos into a bowl or plate, but for real bachelor cooking, you put the chili in the bag, and eat it out of the bag. Top with grated Cheddar or American or even Velveeta cheese. If you’re doing fancy, then chop up some yellow or white or green onions and put them on top too. You can also pour the chips and chili and cheese into a heat proof dish and put it in the oven to bake or microwave and nuke it, but then it sort of loses its bachelor credibility.

The preferred ration of chips to chili is one serving of chips (according to the bag) to about half a can of chili.

If you’re having a bunch of people over to watch the game, you can make this in the oven and serve it forth, and you will need to figure that 3 cans of chili and 6 servings will feed 2 guests. I don’t know how much cheese you’ll need. And despite the chili being without beans, there will be much flatulence, which will lend to its bachelor cred.

This dish is particularly popular among males between the ages of 6 and 26, though quite a few people outside this group will enjoy it, too. I don’t know why it doesn’t work as well with the chili with beans, but it just doesn’t.

4

Bachelor food: Spaghetti noodles, powdered parmesan cheese and pizza sauce out of a plastic squirt bottle as a substitute for spaghetti sauce.

5

351

So named because of the relevant numbers one must know, and of course any self-respecting male knows that’s the size of Ford’s most ubiquitous V-8 (less relevant now, I know).

The first part of the number is 350, which is what you set your oven to.

The second part is 1

1 - pound of hamburger meat
1 - can of cream of celery soup
1- can of french onion soup
1 - cup of rice.
1 - hour in the oven (after you mix it all together and put in a covered bowl).

You end up with a surprisingly tasty rice casserole that will feed one guy for several meals.

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pullin, I’m not male but that actually sounds good, and so easy. I’ll have to remember it for the next potluck I go to.

The hamburger is cooked first, right?

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I don’t know, one hour in the oven sounds like more than enough.
Lazy lemon chicken, version 1:
1 clean and gutted whole chicken
1 oven pan or cocotte
1 traditional oven (this bit is important)
1 pot of salt (don’t use all of it)
1 lemon
1 bottle of oil, can of oil spray or bar of butter (again, don’t use all of it)

Empty the oven of everything except one of the grilles (placed in the middle) and start heating it to whichever setting the manual says to use for meat. If the oven doesn’t have a manual or you don’t feel like RTFM, ask your mother, sister, uncle or other available experienced cook - settings and how they’re labeled varies by country. For most ovens it’s some 3/4 of the way up.
While the oven heats, put a teeny bit of oil or butter on the pan, just enough that you can say it’s oiled. Salt the bird, including putting a bit of salt inside that hole someone used to take its guts out. If you can’t find a big hole that looks like it was used to take guts out, oops - you’ll need to make it and take out the guts. How much salt? Probably less than you’d use; remember that adding salt is easy, whereas taking it off is impossible. Cut the lemon in half. Insert half the lemon inside the big hole, cut-side-first (that is, you should see the lemon’s nipple through the hole). For a more lemony taste, squeeze the other half lemon over the chicken.

Place the bird on the tray. If it’s got a lid, you may want to use it; if not, you can make a tent of aluminum foil - this is to keep the oven cleaner than without them, and like I said it’s optional.

Check whether the oven is hot already. If it is, pop the tray in. Cooking time will vary with bird size and type of tray: a bigger chicken in a lidded ceramic tray will take longer than a small bird with no cover. I’ve seen times between 25 and 45 minutes.

The bird is done when you stick a fork in its side and clear liquid comes out.
Version 2: if you use cut-up chicken, squeeze the lemon over the salted bits. It will take less time to cook than the whole bird.

Consequences: chicken gellatin! When the chicken is cooked and off the tray, pour the liquid into a large enough glass (or two if needed, I swear my brother once called home asking whether he could use two glasses) and stick it into the fridge. It will separate into two parts: the top is fat, the bottom is gellatin. I discard the top and use the bottom to flavor other things (amazing how much a dish of “pasta with nothing” or some pureed potatoes improve).

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Cheese whiz macaroni.

No explanation needed, but you may want to make out your will before you eat it.

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Moved MPSIMS --> Cafe Society.

Anyone who wants to take issue with the thread title, start a Pit thread.

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Simple stew.
Ramen noodles with extra water
Can of mixed veggies
Can of chicken
Cook the noodles veggies and chicken.
Add instant mashed potatos to desired thickness.
Add spices to taste.
I really liked adding green chilis when I was living in New Mexico.

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Last weekend in a drunken stupor:

Handfull of tortilla rounds layed flat on a plate
3-4 velveta slices layed on top of the chips
top with jalepeno slices
MW for about a minute and a half.
So good I had two plates!!

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I can’t eat yer food but you have convinced me to sleep with you. (I like attitude.)

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Sprinkle ketchup on sausage gravy and biscuits. The tangy goes really well with the salty sausage and white gravy.

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Microwave Cheese Enchiladas

  1. Get a cup or bowl.

  2. Put tortilla chips in it.

  3. Dump in enchilada sauce to half cover the chips.

  4. Grate cheese on top.

  5. Microwave until cheese is melted.

  6. Eat.

15

So is this recipe a 351 Cleveland, Modified or Windsor?

Not to mention, I think the 302 would be more ubiquitous.

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Cleveland.
A Windsor would use cream of mushroom instead of celery.

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This recipe kept me from getting scurvy when I moved out on my own:

Fill up a pot with a bit of water and throw in some frozen vegetables. Bring to a boil and toss in a package of instant ramen. Add a dash of soy sauce or sriracha, if you’re feeling exotic.

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Store bought mashed potatoes.

Plop it into a pan and put heat on medium low (that’s a 3 on the dial).

Open can of green beans, drain, then plop those in with the potatoes.

Open can of corn, drain, then plop that in there too.

Take cooked chicken breast sold in the rotisserie section of the supermarket and cut into pieces, being sure to eat the tasty edges as you do. Dump that in with potatoes.

Stir and heat about 15 minutes.

Then eat with cold beer.

Makes quite a few servings.

19

Macaroni and cheese with fried Spam is served in my house.

20

First, I seriously considered lodging a protest over the phrase “bachelor cooking.” While not an oxymoron, it has the similar effect on me as certain optical illusions - like that wall mural on Roger Sterling’s office in Mad Men, with the polka dots that looks 3d, but it’s not. Except it’s worse because you can’t turn away. The cognitive dissonance - it burns.

Second, if those of us who actually ARE bachelors are going to let that slide, then there has to be a twitter-like character limit on “recipes.” Actually, anything that starts to sound like an bona fide recipe is ineligible. M’kay?

My contribution: cup of minute rice, one minute in nuke-o-wave. crack open can of chili. Dump in bowl and stir. Half now, half later.

edit: just kidding :slight_smile: