I guess I look at it from the other end - I basically don’t trust anyone outside my innermost circle of friends and family. Everybody lies. Which is easily dealt with if you expect nothing from much of anyone.
Well, maybe my personal dentist and doctor, which whom I have longstanding relations. And similarly, a limited number of tradespeople.
I’m trying to figure out situations in which I “trust” many folk. For me, trust is different than relying on someone’s professionalism (which I really only “trust” to the extent it is addressed in a written contract.)
People who talk in deliberately mild corporate speak, or write emails in it. When I see words/phrases like “let us meet to discuss” or “gents” and sign-offs like “with thanks” in an email my eyes roll back into my skull.
Daintiness in speech or manner. I know it’s sometimes a generational thing, but for anyone under fifty to speak or write in such a way that you imagine their pinky finger sticking out just makes my skin crawl. I got a work order request from one of our tenants for lights to be changed, and they phrased it as “Please attend as we require some bulbs to be fitted in our lobby” and I heard it in Audrey Hepburn’s voice in my head and saw red.
As mentioned above, anyone who leads with their religion automatically gets knocked back a peg in my estimation.
Either this is changing or I got very lucky recently. My last new car purchase could not have been more low-key. Zero pressure from the salesman, who actually seemed like a legit good guy. I was very happy with the entire transaction.
In public life, politicians. Not all of them reflexively, but there is one candidate for the US Senate in my state, Rep. (D) Adam Schiff, who is always smiling, on the surface anyway, when he is speaking publicly. This gets my back up every time I see him. I usually associate this expression with holier-than-thou Republican politicians who know they are lying, so it’s a little disorienting to see it on a Democrat who seems to have a perfectly cromulent voting record. Anyway, I voted for someone else.
In private life, it’s a little harder. People who tell a lot of stories, and/or talk about themselves a lot. People who insist things are true about other people when they have no way of knowing (unfortunately my husband does this sometimes, but I know him well enough to discount this as an honesty issue). These kinds of things are red flags for me, alerts about the possibility of lying or other trust-related issues, but by themselves don’t convict.
Agree. He seems very manicured, ingenuine, and wooden, and everything he says seems carefully cultivated to support his image. I don’t really care for him, either, but his record is largely acceptable to me anyway.
And yeah, I need to add the fake smile to the car salesman description I posted earlier - the whole “Jerry Lundegaard” face from the movie Fargo.
Salesman, definitely. It’s gotten to the point where even folks honestly trying to help me at stores get a quick “I’m just looking”. Which is stupid, because the few times I’ve engaged I typically get really good advice with no pressure to buy. Strange…
There is also a type of speaking that’s hard to describe, but basically the speaker gets to the end of the sentence and while the words all make sense you can’t actually figure out if they’ve said anything meaningful. And it’s very clear that there is a whole other layer of meaning that isn’t actually being communicated directly, and you have to work to try to figure out what they are really trying to say (or worse, get you to say). It’s exhausting, and immediately makes me distrust the person.
People who come on strong as hippie-trippy, love-everyone, child-of-the-universe old souls, and they want to make sure I know that from the instant we meet. Nearly* always, those people turn out to be real assholes, but at least I’m sufficiently forewarned.
Ditto Christians. One time while I was walking my dog, a man came up to me and started reading scripture. I said “Sorry, not a worshipper” and beat feet.
OK - here’s one - lawyers. But not all lawyers, just the ones who talk in “legalese”, and include qualifiers to every answer, suggesting they are trying to preserve wiggle room should they wish it in the future.
My wife and I are both lawyers and I’ve dealt with lawyers every day of my 37 year career. A great many are decent persons with whom you can have a normal conversation. But there is a sizable percentage of assholes who are incapable of simply answering a direct question without trying to cover some nonexistent bases.
Dealing with those fuckers is likely a contributing factor to my suggesting that I don’t trust anyone and that everyone lies.
I don’t trust anyone I don’t know until they do something that proves they are trustworthy. Untrustworthy people are fiendishly good at tricking people into thinking they can be trusted, and since I can’t tell by just looking at, or listening to someone to know if they are trustworthy I stamp them as untrustworthy until they prove to me they can be trusted. This drives my wife crazy since she trusts anyone with a kind face. I’m guessing Jack the Ripper probably had a kind face.
For me, the kind of person I instantly distrust is the “If I’m right, I’m right, if I’m wrong I’m still right” type of person.
If they guarantee you something in a prediction (“You’ll get a $20,000 salary raise next year,”) and it happens, they then crow, “See, I’m right.”
But if that promised thing doesn’t happen, they’ll still claim it happened anyway (“You didn’t get $20,000 in cash, but you learned some discipline, frugality, character lessons this year, so you got the EQUIVALENT of a $20,000 raise!”)
People who use my name too often in conversation. My mind immediately thinks “car salesman” or “time-share salesman”. Obvs salesmen are a sore spot
Also, more specific, since I just had to listen to an exchange with him, there’s a surgeon I work with who has that overly brisk manner, brushing off any concerns, frequently dickish with the staff. He always seems to have an explosion simmering right under the surface. I want to tell him to go take an effin’ Ritalin. I hate people who just can’t be kind. (Especially to my patients!)
I have lots more but I need to stop as I’ll just get myself worked up.
I had to buy a new car in December. The sales manager, after much haggling back and forth, said to me, “Now, needscoffee, would the owners of this dealership keep me on for 30 years if I didn’t get the best deals for my customers?”
Me: “Your literal job description is to get the best deal for your owners.”
Pretty much any televangelist. I can’t say I have seen them all but I have yet to see one who didn’t almost immediately make me distrust them on a deep level.
