And anybody else who never gave it the slightest thought. Yeah, you’re feeling beat up by your medical problems. The other night we were holding bare hands when she casually said she had MRSA. On went the Purel and the gloves, bitch. Today it was Do Not Resuscitate. Honey, I know how beat up you are feeling, but antibiotic Vaseline, going back on hemodialysis, and PT are what you need. I know you’re depressed, and that’s why a chaplain will visit tomorrow, Pastor Kim on Sunday, and your nursing home’s shrink when you go back there.
It’s your own damn fault for reminding me how large my support group is. I have backups long before Plan Z.
FTR, the closest she came to using a DNR was when they gave her an antibiotic she turned out to be allergic to. That doesn’t count. She’s standing and almost walking. We’ll have her home soon. Not as soon as last month, but we’re working on it.
You haven’t heard my lamentations? The story so far: Mine goodwife has been sickly for years, having allowed her diabetes (“Honey, I know we’re poor, but metformin is on the $4 list at Walmart, and you really shouldn’t eat that.”) to get out of hand, killing her kidneys and fucking up her pulmonary system. She went on firstly hemodialysis, where you go to a center three times a week, then perotoneal dialysis, done nightly at home. She could get around, even use a shopping cart as a walker.
Around Thanksgiving she fell while trying to get into our daughter’s car. Paramedics eventually helped her stand, but she EXTREMELY TYPICALLY rebuffed their suggestions that she go to the ER, saying, “I’m fine,” the only answer she gives when asked. A month later she admitted she wasn’t fine, and went to the ER, where they found she had broken her foot in five places. :eek: And that was only after they gave her an antibiotic for her pneumonia to which it turned out she was allergic, killing her the first time.
Since Christmas she has been kicked from pillar to post, from hospital to hellish nursing home which will be sued. (Hospital nurse: Your vomit contains what appears to t 8be coffee grounds. How long have you had a bleeding ulcer?
Wife: Several weeks, but the nurses aide would look at it and throw it out.) and a touch of norovirus–the hallway Purel dispensers were all empty. The latest was pneumonia and repiping her for hemodialysis. Then they found the flesh-eating bacteria.
She is justifiably worn out, but with proper treatment she’s not actually dying, which is a prereq for a DNR. Quelle suprise! :rolleyes:
No, it’s not. You can- and absolutely should- have all your end of life paperwork in place long before it becomes necessary. That your wife has been ‘sickly’ with your knowledge for years and doesn’t have a rock-solid plan in place is the height of ignorance and laziness.
A significant number of people carry MRSA, and it’s increasingly common in hospitals and nursing homes. You should be Purelled and gloved (and, given her lung sensitivity and recent pneumonia, masked) regardless.
I’m sorry about the continuing issues, but honestly your posts about your wife’s situation are becoming increasingly disjointed and accusatory. Are you seeing someone (a professional, not a friend) who can help you cope with the caregiver role?
Perhaps your state of residence differs from those my family has lived in, but no, you don’t have to be actively dying to get a DNR. My mother carried one around in her purse for decades because after two heart surgeries and a couple of other cardiac adventures she didn’t want to be revived again if her heart quit. She wasn’t dying of her heart disease most of those 20+ years she carried it.
You have a right to refuse any type of medical treatment you don’t want, and you can refuse it at any time. That includes declaring yourself DNR.
Of course, if you’re healthy medical personnel will question your decision because it’s an unusual choice for the healthy but if you’re persistent you should be able to get that if you really want it.
And a DNR doesn’t mean that if you’re ill or having, say, an anaphylactic reaction to something they won’t treat you. It just means that if your heart stops they won’t try to start it up again.
ETA: Ninja’d! And +1 to everything **bobkitty **said.
(There are some variations on the Do Not Resuscitate concept, like Do Not Resuscitate Do Not Intubate (DNR-DNI) but I didn’t want to bog this post down in details.)
Of course not! :o. My own health is on the backburner because I’m either visiting her, working, or traveling in between. I’ve lived on drive-thru for four months. I’m embarrassed to see my MD because of how much I’ve neglected myself. But she comes first, and will until either of us dies. If I were allowed a wish it would be for her to go first so I can continue to support our handicapped daughter, but even that thought is evil.
That is my biggest concern, especially since her “death” in December. Then I had enough confidence in what was going on I could check out the nurse giving her CPR. :o. If it’s for realsies it’s another story.
Most hospitals will encourage you to fill out your DNR wishes at time of check in, regardless of what you are checking in for.
You sound ragged around the edges. Not evil. Try and carve out a little bit of time for yourself before you collapse into a pile of ash and can help no one. Really.
What bullshit. If you don’t take care of yourself you can’t take care of anyone else. You need a break. Take one. Stop being a martyr. No one is forcing that on you but you.
Err… what?
I’m not able to make sense of this in context. Did her heart stop or not? Was she DNR or not? Check out the nurse? What?
Based off his other posts, she had a severe reaction to her medication, code was called, doctors/nurses were performing emergency intervention (that he helpfully tried to give them advice on), but he was confident that everything would work out so he was admiring the attributes of the code nurse.
Whether he’s being sarcastic, employing black humor, or is honest is anyone’s guess. He’s recently mentioned they’ve had rough patches in the last few years, and I can’t imagine the stress of being a caregiver to her is helping matters.
I spent several years working full time, going to school full time, and being a caregiver to my terminally ill husband. At one point I was working 50-60 hours a week, going to school two nights a week, and doing a 20-hour a week internship; husband was in the MICU waiting for a transplant. The house, from one direction, was 45 minutes from work, 60 from my internship site, 30 from school; the hospital was 90 minutes in the other direction. I know from having too much responsibility for another person, and I definitely know the kinds of dark things that go through one’s brain regarding that other person as a result. That way lies nothing but resentment if you’re not very, very careful- and I think we can safely say dropzone is not being careful.
shrug She was in good hands, I had time on my own hands and, given the size and shape of the room, there was nothing else to look at. I’m ADD. My eyes need to always look at anything.
I’m still me, so it’s all of the above.
We’ve actually spent more time together than we have for years. Yeah, it’s the same old same old of watching Wheel of Fortune until she falls asleep, but we’re together, sorta.
Who has time for careful? I’m working on not being resentful.
