You don’t have shins? 
Nah, not once I’m doubled over clutching my knees from tripping over the cats in the hallway. 
Me looking into one of those eye chart machines sans glasses: “What chart?”
This. Last time I had glass lenses was 26 years ago; they left blisters.
ME looking into one of those eye chart machines sans glasses: “What machine?”
Had to start wearing bifocals seven years ago. Used to wear contacts, but it’s now problematic: I can’t read anything closer than two feet. Opto person said Get reading glasses. Wait a sec…I wore contacts so I wouldn’t have to wear specs; now I have to wear glasses to make the contacts function properly? What is wrong with this picture? I can’t tell, my eyes are flooky.
Blisters on your eyes? ! :eek:
Astigmatism. They aren’t say ‘a stigmatism’. 
From staring at the sun.
I am legally blind in one eye, still have pretty good distance vision in the other eye. I buy magnifiers at the dollar store. I have probably a dozen prs around the house. It works for me.
Some kid wrote, "Theodore Roosevelt was blind in one eye, but he could hear very well out of the other. " 
Nose.
The government-issue hornrims were so heavy that they caused bad welts where they came in contact with my nose.
Blisters on the eyes=lenses so thick they were touching the eyeball.
Your optometrist should have taken more care to fit the glasses properly.
The thickest lenses I ever saw were on an albino, apparently their eyes are really poor. The lenses were actually kind of conical with a thin area right in the center of each lens. At the outer edges of the lenses they appeared to be about a half inch thick.
I did for years, then had lasik surgery. What a mackerel!
Would you mind elaborating a bit? Good or bad? “What a mackerel!” just gave me the giggles. Is that a real “thing” where you’re from? How different is it from “Holy mackerel”? Actually “HM” wouldn’t say much either way, either. Inquiring minds want to know.
** takes glassess off **
“OK, now, I want you to read the top line that you can make out on this eye chart”
“… chart?”
“You telling me you can’t see this chart here on this wall?”
“… wall?”
…SPH…CYL…AXIS
R…-650…-200…005
L…-550…-225…180
They’ve actually gotten better in the last decade, as happens sometimes with myopia and age.
New script 3 weeks ago
OD. Sph. -11.5. Cyl. -2.5. Axis 032
OS. Sph -10. Cyl -3. Axis 151.
Ah! I was just thinking about this the other day, how until a few years ago I always had scabs either side of my nose where my glasses went. It’s because a few years ago lens thinning came down in price and I started getting my lenses thinned. Nothing to do with bad optmetrists - I have a prominent bridge to my nose, so any lens would touch the skin if it extruded beyond the frame too much.
Anyway, -8 here. Just enough to get govt assistance for my glasses. 
Only £45 towards lenses costing about £300, but better than nothing.
Somewhere, there’s optometrist porn and you’re the star.
Yes, I used to be -7.5/-6.5 but with age and monovision contacts, I’m at -6.5/-4.25.
My mom was the -14 type who memorized the chart as a kid to fake her way through it. They gave her physical exercises and believed people should just will themselves to see better.