Who still doesn't like their parents?

In My Humble Opinion
21

Well I wish this thread had been here yesterday when I was watching Hallmark Hall of Fame and crying because I though I was the only one in the whole world who hates her whole family.

I really don’t need to get into the story of my dad because he is an alcoholic and even though he was not abusive beyond the minimum that any drunken parent must be, I don’t think anyone in the world would expect me to like him very much.

My mother on the other hand, is a dick, pure and simple. She has always been a victim. She is a cross between the mom in Stuart Saves his Family and Bev from Roseanne. In other words, a co-dependent martyr who gets off on making everyone else feel like shit and revising history to make herself the hero and everyone else a creep.

I like my mom less and less each year. She’s a jerk. And she is getting stupider all the time. I wish to God she would have done hormone replacement therapy because ever since menopause she has become that stereotypical stunned cow that I never believed existed. What irks the crap out of me is how she constantly pretends to get things that she clearly does not understand. It’s just the ultimate symptom of her goddam know-it-all attitude. She’s making me nuts.

Moonchild my mom does delusional bragging too. She also has utterly fucking false memory syndrome. “Mom that didn’t happen to you that happened to Patty Duke on the Patty Duke Show.” What’s even worse is that she will co-opt my own childhood memories and say they happened to her. She’s only 64.

What’s handy is that she takes care of my father who has alcohol related brain damage. What’s not handy is that she buys him liquor. But fuck 'em. I will not be sucked in to their web of dysfunction.

Oh and she also likes to play me and my brother off each other.

Last year I promised myself that if they didn’t all get therapy I would not spend Christmas 2004 with them. So now I am going to be spending Christmas alone.

22

I took my parents off the altar and I look at them a plain human beings. I like them much better now that I’m not thinking they are failed gods. Dad is passed on but I do like my mom.

I come from a family of six kids. One brother is passed on but I get along well with three of the others. I have a sister that I was very close to but she is getting more and more Christian every year. It’s a little creepy to me. I do live 1500 miles from them and don’t see or talk to them much.

The last brother, well I’m working on it in thearpy. I have tried to cut him off as he is emotionally abusive and a physical threat to my safety. He honestly feels that he was the model of restraint because, although I did not have his 4 year-old as a flower girl in my wedding he choose not to put me in the emergency room. (thought he threaten it)
Now, even though he still feels that way, he wants to ‘put it behind us’ and forgive me for that slight and get me back in his life.

rolleyes smilie does not cover it.

23

I could have written Mach Truck’s OP. And let me just emphatically state, my Mother has most certainly not got any smarter as I got older. I thought she was a nitwit when I was a child and she’s a nitwit now (I’m 37). Like the OP, I love her (and my Dad, who has his own issues), but being around her for any length of time makes me kinda nuts, and I would not choose to be her friend if I wasn’t her daughter.

24

I feel the same as Agent Cooper . My dad was one who wasn’t close to any of his 3 children in any way. He enjoyed yelling at us. My mom is completely passive. They finally divorced last year when I was 37 years old.

My mom and dad fight verbally still (they are raising their grandson). I feel my mother can’t stand me because I have many traits of my father. I have problems with my mother because she continues to take my nephew to his mother’s house a few days a week. My mom and dad have shared custody with his mother.

My nephew’s half sister was sexually molested by her natural father at some insane age, like age 3 or 4. I can not understand why my mother would even allow my nephew back in that house. I have a serious issue with that and it upsets me that I didn’t step up and call some authority. From what I understand the state they live in never takes a child from their parent, unless direct abuse on that child happens. The state is well aware of that familly and what goes on, the natural mother retains custody of 3 other children.

My mother isn’t protecting my nephew. And now, my mean old dad, is very good to my nephew. Don’t get me wrong, my dad is still a completely annoying jerk. Kinda sucks he’s good to nephew and was so far off base with us kids.

Oh and the kicker, my brother with a mental/physical handicap (father of nephew) has been living in a van for a year now. In the same town as parents who both live in homes large enough for my brother. But, my brother is a jerk, and no one likes him either. Very sad.

I really wish I had a nice, normal family. And I really hope my nephew is going to be ok. The one happy thing is my sister is wonderful and I love her to death. It bothers me that she didn’t help with keeping my nephew safe, but I can’t alienate myself from the only relative I really like.

25

My parents and I have actually had conversations about how we probably wouldn’t be friends if they were the same age as me, and unrelated. They think I’m just too weird and unconventional and I think they’re too boring and don’t read enough. There’s no abuse there, just a difference of interests. The same goes for my sister, who is much younger than me, so we don’t hang out as friends or anything. We probably wouldn’t even if she was the same age–there’s just not enough shared interests.

26

I think my mom feels the same way about me. I know I’m more like my dad than her. Shoot, I’ve talked to my dad 3 times in the past 3 years and one of those times he said, “You should never have kids. You’re too much like me…you’re too selfish…” Now I know that sounds harsh, but I think that was one of the most honest moments we ever had because I am selfish and I don’t want kids. Dad understands, mom hates it. She hates it a lot, like she takes a personal offense to it. Dad is an agnostic/atheist, so am I, mom is a devout Mormon. I’m very much my father’s daughter in a lot of ways, I was always Daddy’s Little Girl, and I think it bothers her. When she’s upset, she’ll practically spit at me, “You’re just like your father!” etc etc.

As much as my father has his faults, I think I’d rather be like him than my mom. She’s just crazy.

27

My brother has been passed 20 years. He took his own life and I carried a lot of resentment toward him for many years. We did not get along as kids/teenagers so I can’t say if we would now. It was hard but I have finally let go and can now love him for what he was.

I have not spoken to my father in years so he is out.

I love my mother very much but at times she drives me up a wall. I have to keep myself detached from her most of the time which can be a real chore as she lives next door. She is a very intelligent and caring person but she is also VERY controlling. Of course she does not see herself this way and I am sure she never will. We had an argument about 6 months ago which resulted in me telling her to stop coming to my apartment 5 times a day and when she does visit can she please knock first. I felt very bad about it but I think it has helped our relationship at least on my part anyway.

28

I think I might be the reptile. I adore my mom, adored my dad (who died in 1996), had a pretty good time with my brother (who died in 1999), though we didn’t know each other incredibly well, and though my sister is freaky and annoying, I adore her, too.

It’s my oldest sister who fits into the "If we weren’t related . . . " category for me. And here’s where the reptile part comes in–she has (mild) mental retardation. In addition, she’s 17 years older than I am, so we’ve never had much in common, but mainly she was just mean to me when I was a kid, and got away with it because of her condition (I think the assumption was that eventually I’d grow up and understand the situation, but there’s still the 5-year-old in me who’s a little bitter). At this point, we get along fine; once I got old enough, I became an interesting and worthwhile person to her, and she started being nicer to me.

And it’s not that I don’t like her now–I do enjoy her company when I see her (unless, of course, I’m in the mood to be alone–she’s a talker, that one)–and would probably claw the eyeballs out of anyone who tried to hurt her. Unlike my mom and my other sister, however, I don’t find myself missing her when I haven’t seen her for awhile, and if she didn’t call me, I don’t know that we’d ever talk on the phone. She can still be obnoxious, of course, but so can my entire family, so it’s not that . . .

I think it’s that as the “late” (and surprise!) child in the family, I grew up as The Princess, and she was the lone dissenter among a family of adoring minions, so I can only surmise that this is the reason I don’t feel particularly close to her, and the reason I can’t let go of, for example, that incident where she (age 21) shoved me (age 4) face-down onto the sidewalk outside our grandma’s house, causing massive amounts of blood to squirt from my face, and kept right on walking.

(Interestingly, she brought that incident up a few months ago, out of the blue . . . )

I know I should just grow up already, but just as there is a part of me that will always desire to be (the circa 1974 version of) Cher, there will always be a part of me that remembers how relentlessly mean she was to me during my childhood. Will I act on those memories? No (for one thing, I’m still smaller and weaker than she is, so I couldn’t shove her down onto the sidewalk without help). But they’re there. Oh, yes. They’re there.

And quite frankly, I think that’s fair.

29

I don’t hate my parents… but I’m not wild about 'em. Or, for that matter, most of my relatives.

My father, in particular, is a study in contradictions. He’s a highly educated man who has yet to get it through his head, after more than sixty years on this earth, that not everyone is just like him.

He still tends to think that other people are just him, but wearing different faces, and anyone whose behavior does not conform to what he would do under similar circumstances… has something wrong with them.

Naturally, as I grew older and my behavior began to deviate from what he considered “normal,” I took some heat. He wanted me to study music, because he is and was a talented musician, and he thought I had musical talent. I didn’t wanna study music, which became a major bone of contention between us.

But, then, I could write, and made a name for myself writing for the local paper, as a teenager. That confused him; nobody in his family wrote. Still, it wasn’t … disreputable, or anything… so he let it be. I think he still mourned, inwardly, that I didn’t show any interest in learning to play three or four musical instruments, though, and he still gripes about how I won’t sing in public.

My sister and I look nothing alike, and are very different people. We grew up together, but if she wasn’t my sister, I can’t say I’d be all that hot to visit at her place for Thanksgiving or anything, and I suspect the feelin’s mutual. We don’t hate each other… but we aren’t close.

We’re very different people, is all.

Weirdly enough, my father-in-law and I get along like a house on fire. Strangers who meet us as a family tend to assume I’m his son, and that my wife’s the one who married in…

30

Both my parents are only children and have many of the worst personality traits of only children. They are the kind of people that, if I worked with them, I would have very little to do with them.

One time my brothers and I were talking and we figuredf that one of us would have to bring onions to their funeral so we could appear to be crying.

31

(I just want to say that I hit reply and went to get a drink, when I came back I thought I forgot to hit the reply button)
Oh and my brother is a big dumb jerk!

32

My mother was a whack job. She was always focussed on her own misery and blaming everyone around her. Eventually I was the only one in the family who would speak to her (my father divorced her after she’d carried the emotional abuse of my sister too far), and it wasn’t pleasant. I had the saving grace of being able to escape to my grandmother’s (mother’s mother), who was one of the kindest persons I’ve ever known. Unfortunately, my sister didn’t have her, because she died.

I don’t hate my mother. I feel sorry for her, but I also realize that she made her own hell and there was no way of getting her out of it.

My father, on the other hand, was wonderful. Very intelligent and supportive, with a great sense of humor. He made a few mistakes, as we all do, but I loved him, and I still miss him. We did a lot of work around the house together when I was growing up, and now every time I do the same kind of work, I wish I had him around to talk to.

33

I don’t exactly love my parents but we do get along well. They were both in their 40s by the time I was born so I probably missed out on a lot of the father/son stuff my brothers had. Dad taught me to play cards instead of how to throw or fight.

Then again, according to my older siblings I also didn’t have to endure Dad’s Sunday morning drill-sergeant routine. Being a latecomer isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

34

I agree; most people seem to think that my distancing myself from my parents will somehow mellow with age. We’ll, I’m now in my 40’s, haven’t contacted either of my parents in almost 20 years, and I don’t miss them at all. The only time people seem to be able to grasp it is when I compare it to being brought up in a sort of dormitory run by people who resented my using up their resources. And it’s not like I’ll want to dance on their graves, either* – they just don’t merit much consideration at all.

  • I only know for sure that one of them is dead; I have no idea what the other one is doing.
35

My husband feels just as you all do about his parents. From nearly his earliest memory he thought his mother was an idiot – and his father was a mean, obnoxious jerk. He left home as soon as he possibly could (at age 15 he became a live-in farmhand for a dairy farmer who lived 30+ miles from his home and, at 17, he joined the Navy), and still feels mostly contempt for his parents – although he always treats them respectfully and loves them, if he can’t like them. His opinion of his mother hasn’t changed much – she is an idiot, bless her heart – and his opinion of his father is pretty much unshakable, although his dad has tried to improve and, I think, has some sincere regrets about the way he behaved when his children were young.

Me, I never disliked my parents – I always liked, loved and respected them when I was a kid and teenager and I still like, love and respect them today. I’m so sorry for those of you (and my husband) who weren’t as lucky in the parents derby as I was.

36

I have a hard time with my parents: esp my mother. I see her as a wilfully ignorant, judgemental woman, and would never talk to her if she were merely an acquaintance. I hardly talk to her at all as it is.

I love my little sisters, I love my brother, but we have the same weird issues from our parents. My sister and I talked about this the other day: we can’t figure out how our parents raised us to have qualities they lack in themselves.

Its hard to believe that we sprang from their loins.

37

Well I wrote a really long post and the computer ate it. What i basically said was:
I am a black sheep in my family.
They are racist, politically inactive but very vocal, and have very different values and beliefs than me.
I don’t really know how I was born into this family.

And I resent people who scold me or condescend, saying “You’ll learn…they’re your parents.”

38

Not so much my parents (although my mom’s near-constant badgering at me since my brother spawned is really wearing on my last nerve), but my brother and I have absolutely nothing in common. If we weren’t related, we’d most likely never have met.

39

My father was really old (66 when I was born) so I never really got to know him as a parent – he was more like a grandfather.

My mother, while not a bad person, was a high-strung neurotic who simply should never have been a parent. She would have been a cool person to know as a next-door neighbor. In fact, it drove me nuts when my friends would tell me what a great mother I had. I always wanted to ask them if they’d be willing to come over and talk her down from the ledge next time.

Growing up, I assumed my mother was as smart as most people. But once I was on my own, and the older I got, I began to realize how utterly lacking in life skills she was.

The old ‘someday-you’ll-think-your-parents-are-wise’ saw never made sense to me. Is it not possible for stupid people to have kids? To quote the Church of the Sub-Genius: “How stupid do you think the average person is? Well, half of them are stupider than that!”

But presumably, all their kids think they’re wise.

40

I dislike my mom more and like my father more now that I’m a middle aged lady. I will say that my mom has just gotten odder and odder and it does make her harder to like, but I also realize more now how neglectful a mother she was when I was a child.

My dad is pretty strange too, but he’s not a cranky old bastard like my mom. She gets testy about the strangest things and I believe it’s because she can’t hear and misunderstands. She looks gross and she stinks from too much coffee and tobacco. It’s very uncomfortable being around her.

They are divorced and have been for many years. She never remarried has lived alone for 20 years ; my dad remarried twice and has been married to a very normal, nurturing woman for 27 years. It’s improved him.