Who the F&CK is Billy Mays, and why is he shouting at me?

Who exactly is this guy? He’s trying to sell me shit all day long. Off the top of my head, these are the products I’ve seen him pitching:

  1. Oxyclean
  2. Orange clean
  3. Orange glo
    4, The Ding King
  4. Some cell phone thing that allows hands free operation by pumping the call through your car stereo.

Why is he now the defacto standard pitchman. Is he a celebrity that I should know? He comes out, screams at the camera THIS IS BILLY MAYS HERE FOR SOME BOGUS PRODUCT! So what? He holds no credibility to me. And he’s constantly making his point by leaning into the camera and giving the audience hsi patented two-fisted point pump.

I HATE THIS GUY!

Amen.

Sometimes I’ll fall asleep with the television on. His voice, which can best be described as a multi-car pileup involving several window-hauling trucks, can snap me out of a deep sleep faster than you can say nails-on-a-blackboard.

Wasn’t he a baseball player?

“Wasn’t he a baseball player?”

Yeah, but his brother Willie was better.

bursts into laughter

He also sells a cleaning agent called Kaboom, some device that is essentially a pair of tongs, and Space Bags, which are really just giant Ziploc bags.

And yes, he is very annoying.

Because of his shoddy baseball abilities as compared to his brother, he went and had the color of his skin changed, just like Michael Jackson. He then realized he could make a lot of money by selling stuff on TV.

Or maybe I made that up.

I have to be honest here, I find him oddly mesmerizing. I can sit there and watch him for hours. I just find it fascinating how someone can be that pumped up and enthusiastic.

Maybe I’m just odd…

Here’s the skinny on the obnoxious Mr. Mays and the products he flogs (Note: requires Acrobat Reader plug-in):

http://www.greatcleaners.com/web/Assets/site/images/ResponseMagazine-020430.pdf

Got his start as pitchman on the Atlantic City boardwalk. Figures.

ONE THIN DIME, ONE TENTH OF A DOLLA’!!!

Anyone remember in the Oxyclean commercial when he’d shout something similar to “Powered by the water you and I drink, activated by the air you breathe”? It stands out in my mind so much because he’d declare it was the water he and I drink, but the air that only I breathed. Of course, my quote may be wrong, but I do know he seems to either not drink water or not breathe air.

He obviously shouts so much he’s unable to take time to breathe.

I’m rubbing two thick nickels together and wondering if this guy can make me some change.

I think he is Rula Lenskas, step brother.

Count, what makes you think that?

P.S. You need some remedial punctuation advice.

Jjimm, the Rula Lenska thing was just a lame Sunday morning joke. As for the offer of help in punctuation advice, thank you I will keep you in mind.
PS. I think it is PS. not P.S.

P.S…you’re wrong. “P.S.” stands for “post script.”

Gaudere’s Law, meet Count Trari de Reeson.

LOL