All this virtual engagement and marriage (iampunha & palmyra, Crunchy Frog and little*bit) reminds me of all the weddings that took place on the elementary school playground.
When I was in kindergarten, I fake-married a boy named Greg (last name withheld to protect the innocent). He had the Crayola 64-count box of crayons, and used to draw me pictures with them. He was a cute kindergartener, with a bitchin’ bowl cut and a nice collection of velour v-necks.
I believe the ceremony was performed by a first grader, and I had 7 bridesmaids.
I know that after high school he followed his dream of being a “dancer” - his job was to choreograph for our high school’s swing choir and marching band majorettes. Unfortunately, in a Greek Tragedy twist, a few years ago he was in a car accident that severed one of his feet. My mom sent me the clipping from the local paper.
Oh, please, people, I could not make this stuff up. Isn’t it the saddest story ever?
So, tell me, who did you “fake marry” in kindergarten, and where are they now? Include descriptions of ceremonies, proposals, and receptions as necessary.
I think it was kindergarten or first grade, but his name was jordan atkins. We played kissy tag as little children do, and for some reason we didn’t think that the other had cooties. I think we went on one date to chucky cheeses. I don’t know why, but we broke up. I switched schools the next year and the last I heard of him was when his father was working at Sbarro’s at the mall and recognized me while serving me a slice of pizza. All I know is that he got tall. Now I’m wondering what really happened to him. Hmmm…
I don’t remember many of the details, but I figured I could mention that the girl I fake married (and subsequently fake divorced and fake remarried several times) in first grade was also my date to my senior prom many years later.
Never fake-married any girl in school… although I burped in their faces a lot (man, we had a hoot doing that! I taught all the guys how to burp on cue…)
But, over the past year, I’ve asked a girl to marry me several times (not seriously, of course). In fact, I just asked her to marry me again, while filling out this post. Her response: “Not today.”
Theresa, in 3rd grade. We made out (kissed) in a corner of the building at lunch recess. Unfortunately, the privacy of our encounter was illusionary – those corners were mirrored windows, and both the lunchroom and the library crowd had quite the view.
Thought I’d never live it down. Caught up with her again in high school, went out on a couple dates. There wasn’t much mutual interest, and after I met her mother I backed off. I’d always believed that you should study a girls mother to see her future. Theresa’s mother literally had to turn sideways to get through the door – her hips were at least 3 feet wide. Yikes!
She went on to seduce a naive friend, taking his virginity – then moved on to college and eventual marriage. I’ll have to try to remember her last name, and ask around about her next year at my 25th reunion.
BTW, study the father too – my wife’s mother was a model, her father a cowboy. Guess who’s build she got! (Shh! She’s sitting across the room.)
I married Sharon in the third grade. We snuck in the coat closet in class and kissed. After school, we rode off on our “honeymoon” on my bike. She got her scarf caught in the bike chain - it came right off of her, but it was all greasy. Not a good start to a marriage.
I married Christine in junior high, and we even had wedding bands. Had better luck on the honeymoon
I have no idea what happened to either of them, but about a month ago I did find a picture of me and Christine. Man, was she cute. I should look her up.
As is typical with the way things go in my life, I was always the responsible one. I never got married in school–I had to get an education first! However, I did officiate a wedding between my friend Julie and her boyfriend Bryce in fourth grade. Julie moved to Virginia in fifth grade and Bryce moved to a different school in junior high, I think. Not the most exciting wedding but then, neither was my real one!
Similar, but not quite the same…In grade four, my friend Barbara found an ettiquete [sp?] book in her grandma’s house, or something, that was from the 1890’s; this was in 1980. Her mom either didn’t notice or care that she was bringing it to school (I would have a stroke if any kid I knew did the same). In it, we found out that in some twisted circles, a woman could propose to her man on Valentine’s Day, and if he declined, he had to recompense her with something like a silk gown or a new coiffure; something that would presumably enable her to attract a new suitor. So Barbara, Christina and I (Amy was too self-conscious), waited until Valentine’s Day, then locked on our respective targets.
Barbara/Christina/Sandy: Will you marry me?
Matthew/Gordon/Louis: NO!
B/C/S: Okay, then you have to buy us silk dresses! See, it says here! (much scuffling over the ettiquete book, which would curdle my blood if I saw it today)
We knew they’d say no, of course; we just wanted to put them on the spot when they thought they’d be humiliating us. (They’d been warned in advance, not by us, of course, but an elementary school classroom is a single-cell organism.
Her name was Jennifer, and the event took place on a playground in Philadelphia in 1982. Where she is now I can but guess, but I really dug her at the time. I just didn’t tell my male friends because they would’ve ranked me to high hell. I mean here I was willingly hanging out with a girl. And she wasn’t even a tomboy.
Coincidentally, sometime in the early 90’s I bumped into her sister Jan, who had been a tomboy back then. Jan (unlike Jan Brady) had grown up to be a megahottie. I was stunned. I realize that it was 10 years since I’d seen her last, but I was still dumbstruck. She looked so different that it took me 5 minutes to recognize her. Only after she invoked her long forgotten catchphrase “Jay! Let’s play stickball!” did it finally dawn on me.
I was the priest at at least 5 marriages, possibly six. No one wanted to marry me, but I was one of the only kids to know all of the words for the ceremony. Don’t ask how I knew, I just did.
So anyway, that was my contribution to the little kid conformity wagon. (you’ve got to get married, it’s the law!)
I never fake married when I was little.
But when I met a friend from the net in real I kneeled down in front of her and asked her to marry me. Her rents were quite puzzled cause we are both girls…
Anyways we had great fun calling each other “hubby” “wifie” and “better half” from then on.
When I came home and told my parents about it cause I thought it was fun they went silent and later told me they d always love me… even if I was gay LOL
Comments like that make me soooo greatful that I am stright…
Having to put up with all that false support must knock the stuffing out of gay ppl… grrr
Well, bulimic Claudia (my better half, significant other… bla bla) is in Italy now for a year. I hope she ll find a nice bloke to cheat on me
Open marriage you know
I was fake married twice by the time I was in the first grade. The first time was before I was even in kindergarten. My friend, Colin, lived down the street and we used to play Star Wars all the time. He was Hans Solo and I was Princess Leia. He would chase me around the house and I would pretend to faint and he would have to kiss me to wake me up. We were fake married by his sister in his back yard. Colin moved to Texas during the 2nd grade and I haven’t seen him for almost 18 years. I’ve often wondered what he’s doing these days and have thought about trying to find him but he probably wouldn’t remember me… we were friends so long ago.
In first grade I married Casey. We played together at recess every morning and afternoon and ate lunch together everyday. We were holding hands on our way to the tether ball courts and he asked me if I would marry him and I said yes. We played tether ball for awhile and then proceeded over to the monkey bars and were married with all of our first grade friends around us. They were all giggling and were chanting “kiss, kiss, kiss” and then laughed at us when we did. We stayed friends until 4th grade and he got transferred to another elementary school and I didn’t see him again until high school. I ran into him a couple days before his wedding back in 1997 and I was giving him a hard time about already being married to me. We had a pretty good laugh over our fake marriage.
My mom sent me the clipping from the local paper.
