A mention of ripped-shirt Kirk in another thread got me thinking.
The mafia, the South American drug cartels, the Russian mafia, the Tongs, the Yakuza, the FBI, several U.S. Marshalls, and Kathy Lee are all after you. Who’s got your back?
For this discussion, you may pick one and only one fictional character. Thus, you can’t pick Chuck Norris, but you can pick Walker, Texas Ranger. Please explain your choice and possibly compare and contrast with others’ choices.
Chuck Norris has recently achieved mythic status somehow and has morphed into a fictional character. Still I choose River Tam.
Jesus.
I dunno. That whole cross thing and all. I think River would kick Jesus’ butt.
I’m in. I choose Spock. He’s got the Vulcan bag of tricks, he’s smarter than any human being, and if I’m lucky he can rescue me in a spaceship.
If I have to pick an Earthling, I choose Hawk from Robert Parker’s Spenser novels. (TV show? What? I have no idea what you are talking about). He’s an unstoppable killing machine with fabulous personal style, and he knows his way around all those gangster types. Plus he’ll need to be around as a distraction for all the ladies that throw themselves at me because I’m dead sexy when I’m running for my life.
Jesus can take a bigger, more brutal whoopin’ than anybody, and then still rise from the dead to kick the asses of the living.
I’d pick Hannibal Lecter.
Xena
I’d pick Popye the Salior Man.
One, he always has spinich, so he will always prevail. Also, I don’t like the stuff so if my dinner has it, he’ll eat mine.
Plus, he as terrible taste in women, leaving the babes for me.
Jack Bauer, of course. If he can save the world, he can save my ass.
Jesus would leave all teh women for me, can multiply loaves and fishes (both of which I like) and can turn water into wine.
oh yeah, he’d have your back - with fava beans and a nice chianti!
changed my mind:
Buffy
I’m right with you up until the “kick the asses of the living” thing. Jesus is the original “turn the cheek” guy. He ain’t kickin’ nobodies ass for nobody.
Unless you’re talking about that Jesus II: The Return Of The Christ thing, but that’s not exactly canon. And don’t even get me goin’ on Zombie Jesus.
The Punisher, provided I can convince him the FBI and the U.S. Marshals are, in fact, the bad guys here.
Green Lantern. At a walk…‘most powerful tool in the universe’ mean anything? Kyle, preferably - so we could talk comics while he was saving my ass. Alan’d be cool, except for the wood thing. Don’t want to get killed by a thug with a bat. Hal would be an inoffensive, but not particularly exciting choice. Ditto John. Guy…I think I’d rather deal with the gangsters than be stuck with him. Jade…I think I’d make an ass of myself - I mean…hot green chick! - so it’d be best just to avoid the whole situation.
I dunno. Do you think she can handle Kathy Lee? :dubious:
I’d go with Legolas. (As seen in the trilogy)
And then when he’s done defending me, I can get ELFED, baby ! 
Yea I think we can safely assume that the FBI and the U.S. Marshals are after you because you’ve been framed and are actually innocent.
Willow Rosenberg. She’s a tad protective of her friends and has enough skill in magic to cause Armageddon and Ragnarok to happen simultaneously. Plus, she’s so cute and adorable and is my fictional wife.
Tough luck, BBVLou. I got dibs.