Nick Fury. As Logan said at his funeral, “Nick was one of the few norms I trusted to watch my back. He was at the top of a very short list.”
Ash from the Evil Dead movies
Who wouldn’t want the help of a guy with a chainsaw for a hand?
Superman, no question. Who’s gonna fuck with him?
Unless the Yakuza scored some kryptonite throwing stars or something. Then I’d be straight up screwed.
I always thought that was a sly porn reference.
We’ll have to share, 'cause I’d definitely choose Ash. That chainsaw could make short work of Kathy Lee.
Dr. Leonard McCoy.
He just has to shoot me up with that stuff he used on Kirk when he fought Spock on Vulcan. I’ll appear to be dead, all those idiots would leave me alone and then he could bring me back.
Besides, I’d love to hear him say “Damn it Odin, I’m a Doctor, not a bodyguard.”
26 posts and no one’s mentioned Batman!!!
Not only would he have my back (because he’s prepared but he would avenge any injustice against me, so all future evil-doers would be duly warned.
Jean Grey.
Dibs on Captain Malcom Reynolds!
As long as there’s a turbine nearby, we’re all good.
Dood,
Obviously, you’ve only read the 4 issues, and commentaries, written by those guys with no last names. First, read the prequels. Jesus’ dad is one mean, vengeful, mofo. I swear, he’d bust a cap in the world’s ass for dissing him. Then read the sequel. Jesus shows just how much like Big Daddy he can be. Folks getting flung into a lake of fire, a thousand years of tribulations…some mad ultraviolence. With Jesus, and by extension his Pa, at my back Kathy lee better be the one doing some cheek turning.
I like the whole Jesus thing but at least in my opinion, he isn’t fictional. I would go with McGyver. He can make weapons out of nothing. A hank of string, a dead battery and some dirt and he can blow up those guys. Plus he’s really cute.
Keyser Soze. He’d manipulate events from behind the scenes so that all your enemies end up killing each other, and you don’t have to lift a finger. Just sit back and watch the bodies pile up.
The only drawback is that, after he saves your ass, you owe him one. And that is generally not a good place to be.
I want a tachikoma. It’s a fricking TANK. It’s invisible. As an AI it’s immune to River Tam’s freaky mind powers. And it’s got the personality of a giggly Japanese schoolgirl, so it’s much more fun to hang out with than Jesus. Paint it yellow so Green Lantern can’t touch it and it will smoke everyone else listed so far.
Man, someone already took Ash. Can I share Batman with kimera?
Okokokok, let’s see…
I’ll take Nightcrawler on personality alone. Maybe Jean Grey.
Hey, I already took her! :mad:
But if you’ve got Nightcrawler, we can switch occasionally. 
Oh, I missed that.
Heh, just to protect us, or what?
To protect us. Right. cough
Hell, I’m as atheist as they come, and I’d convert to *Catholicism *for him.
Either James Bond or Major Motoko Kusanagi.
The Major would be good at hacking through to the core of hideously complex conspiracies…though Bond could do the same, through the process of seducing, blackmailing, and murdering enough of the right people.
I don’t know, Colin Mochrie can kick Jesus’ ass. That’s what he gets for trying to stop Fanimutations.
I pick Francis Begbie from Trainspotting.