I wouldn’t call someone who falls short of conventional measures of success a “loser”, even if they experience some unhappiness about it. Because if we accept that this is a valid definition, then anyone who is stuck in unsatisfactory marriage, experiences long-term unemployment, or suffers from infertility is a “loser.”
How do you know this little tidbit about her? And why are you sharing it with us?
Some single people are content to remain so, but not all. Some people would like to have romantic relationships, but are continually disappointed not to. Whether that earns the title “loser” or not is another question.
So what is a loser then? What you describe is just a matter of degree from other normal definitions of loser.
IMO, it’s all relative. Someone who grows up in a wealthy part of Boston and whose family and friends all go to Ivy League schools probably has a very different opinion of what makes for a loser than a working poor family from the inner city. And the middle class, Midwestern family would probably have a different definition than either.
And those societal definitions, whether or not they’re internalized by the people themselves, may or may not include relationship status, kids, material wealth, etc…
In general, I don’t go around judging people as “losers”. I can be quite judgy, don’t get me wrong. But calling someone a loser just ain’t my style.
There’s certainly a stereotype of “loser” that most people subscribe to. Someone who has a series of failed relationships but has success in other sectors of life wouldn’t fit that stereotype. Someone who is physically and intellectually capable of doing something constructive, but instead watches Jerry Springer and eats bon bons all day long, does fit the stereotype.
So I guess if I had to label someone as “loser”, I would save the label for someone who hasn’t achieved anything ever. I would come up with another label for a person who has succeeded in one or more arenas but has failures in others.
Why is this even allowed?
Did you make a typo? Ex-friend has a couple extra letters in it (plus a hyphen).
My father. Has Social Security and a pension yet is always ALWAYS broke. Lives in a crumbling wreck of a house with three mortgages on it, and it’s literally falling apart around him because he can’t take care of it. Has an endless parade of bums and ne’er do wells in and out of his sight, bumming (or outright stealing) his money, beer and weed. Can’t keep his hands off teenage girls when he’s had a few beers in him. Has alienated both of his two kids from his sheer refusal to anything to remedy his life.
That’s bad. You might have ‘won’ the thread.
Mine aren’t so terrible
A cousin has a BA from a good university, but his only work experience is a part-time job at a museum gift shop. His GF broke off their engagement not long ago. He lives with his parents.
A former neighbor preferred drinking and partying to working and paying bills. He lost his house to foreclosure and his wife left him. He now lives in a relative’s basement and does gig economy work.
My sister and I would dance a jig in the streets if the bank foreclosed on my Dad’s house and he had to move in with a relative. My cousin (his niece) has already promised to take him in (she has a furnished basement). She’s in a position to keep the riffraff out so the poor old bastard can smoke his own weed without his “friends” stealing it.
In my immediate family probably me. I am in my mid-40s living in subsidized housing off of disability benefits. I have a variety of mental issues and due to poor diet and lack of exercises I have diabetes and are obese. I have never been in a romantic relationship my entire adult life; at this point I am content though with being single. All of my older siblings are currently working.
As for extended family and acquaintance though I am not even close to being the biggest loser mostly because I have never had any legal troubles.
A family friend from my childhood went to prison for child molestation and my sisters admitted he had molested them as well. He died in prison thankfully.
A sister’s former high school boyfriend has been in and out prison for various felonies; my sister and the children she had with him no longer have anything to do with him.
One of my nieces former high school boyfriend also went to prison for attempted bank robbery. And that’s not even mentioning the numerous people I know who have had drug problems.
How are people like this getting married and engaged, and I’m lucky to date once a decade?
I have a cousin who IMO is complete loser. Has never really held a job, drug addict, lengthy criminal record, etc. You get the picture. Every time I see him he has a new girlfriend. Not only that, but they’re all very nice looking and many are college educated. The only explanation I can come up with is that some women love Bad Boyz.
Some alternatives to this questionable notion:
Some women are stupid and partner themselves with a bad person because they don’t have discriminating tastes. Hell, maybe they are are just as bad. Birds of a feather and all that.
Some women suffer from low self-esteem. They partner themselves with the first guy who hollers at them and don’t let go out of fear that they could never do better.
Some women are delusional. They know they’re partnered to a person with bad traits, but they think love can conquer all. They think they will be able to change a lazy criminal into a hard-working upstanding citizen.
Some women take their vows of marriage seriously. They married a dud without knowing he was a dud, but they don’t want to divorce the dud because they think Jesus would judge them for it. Or they think their parents and society will judge them for it. So they stay and pray for the best. Sometimes their prayers actually come true.
Oh and here’s a novel idea!
Sometimes when my father acts like a jerk to my mother (blowing up at her and calling her mean names), I wonder why she has stayed with him for 50+ years. Because he has always been that kind of guy. However, he was also the kind of guy to take her to the Grand Canyon in a rental truck, the top of which they camped out on under the stars. He was also the kind of guy to make her laugh while they rode all around creation on his motorcycle. He was also the kind of guy who wasn’t afraid of her strict father and told my mother she could do whatever she wanted to do and be whomever she wants to be. Why the fuck wouldn’t she drop her panties for a guy like this? Why wouldn’t she have four kids with him and stay with him forever? Yes, he’s a jerk, but he’s also a good guy. She didn’t fall in love with a jerk. She fell in love with a good guy who sometimes acts like a jerk.