Stop right there. I am not pregnant. At all.
For the past two or three weeks, I have been a constantly-hungry eating machine. I’m not gaining any weight, I’m actually losing it, and I’ve been eating nonstop. This morning I cooked the same breakfast I’ve always made myself on Saturday mornings since Jesus, and I was hungry again less than two hours later! I threw some beef in a pan, tossed garlic and the usually seasonings over it, then ate it and I was still hungry. Then I ate a whole shitload of cheese, and was finally sated. Why am I this frickin’ hungry?
And another thing, wtf is up with me and Egg McMuffins? Until Wednesday, I hadn’t even stepped foot in a McDonald’s in something like five years. I didn’t even know where the closest McD’s was. I knew there was one nearby because I frequently see people with McD’s bags and I assume they’re not busing them in, but I couldn’t have told you where they got them from. So Wednesday rolled around and I told my coworker, “I would kill innocent people for an Egg McMuffin.” She directed me to the nearest McMuffin dispensary, nobody got hurt, but that wasn’t good enough. The following morning, I required another one!
What’s going on with me and food? I told my friend about this and she joked, “You’re a growing girl.” All this would be perfectly normal if I were, but I’m old and am not growing anymore.
Totally bizarre, totally pointless, totally need to share. I want a cheeseburger now.