So lately, past 6 months or so, I’ve had no appetite. I get hungry as all get out, but food just seems icky. Even stuff I’d normally pack away is a turn off. I still enjoy cooking for the family, I just dont want anything. Some days I’ll have a protein shake or smoothie for breakfast, work through lunch, no dinner, maybe a handful of grapes or a couple strips of bacon before bed. And zero weight loss. True story.
I could see a doctor, but that’s no fun and it’s not what this is about. Today, I want YOU to be the doctor. So dig deep in your book of medical woo, consult your maiden aunt, roll some dungeon dice and consult a chart—tell me what’s wrong with me.
Probably diabetes. Your blood sugar remains so high hunger is not triggered.
More likely, though, you are possessed by a race of demonic leeches called Ickhkayala. They eat the victim hollow from the inside while secreting hormones to make the brain immune to hunger, as they don’t like their victims eating junk food. You are doomed. Sorry.
I have thoroughly questioned the Seven Spirits That Hide in the Wind and consulted the Chrystal of the Nine Hells. I drank the Blood of the Snake and cast the Bones of the Holy Lightbringer. What ails you is clear. A shade of famine haunts the lands of your tribe, seeking entry so that it may ruin your harvest and break your people. The only appropriate way to answer is to sleep upon a bed of wheat chaff for one night then trek alone though the plaguelands until you find the Vale of the Witchbreakers. I would suggest carrying a sacred amulet or an enchanted weapon or similar.
No doubt you’re just sleep binging on junk food and assorted crap your waking brain can’t admit to liking. Check you credit card statement for charges to “Bill’s Deep Fried Lard” (now with midnight delivery). Check the area trash cans for an inordinate number of “Little Debbie” wrappers.
You should maybe super-glue your mouth shut before bed just to be safe.
You’ve put your body into starvation mode and it is trying to burn as few calories as possible. When you resume eating again, you will become huge before it catches on to the fact that it no longer needs to be in this mode.
How are you even posting here? You died two weeks ago! Don’t you remember? Go into the light,** Inigo**. There is peace and serenity in the light. All are welcome, all are welcome…
