Back in hospital yesterday. Blood sugar okay but everything eley sucjs. On antibiotics. Gastrointestinal distress ongoing.
Don’t know what to do. Feel like my body is breaking.
Scared. Don’t want kids to see me like this.
Wasted so much of my life. After Corbin died. Did bad shit. Probably earned this. Butb I have tried to change be good husband father. Was such a bad father to Corbin. Bad son bad boyfriend. Have to make up. For it all.
From . room stinks. I stink.
Not enough life insurance should have more . burden.
If I die the babies will forget me. I wanted to be good dad. No good. Crying. I’m sorry.
Skald, I am so sorry you are in such a shitty spot. I hope things start looking better ASAP. Crying in response to feelings and stresses can be a useful thing, please don’t apologise for it. I think that all any of us can do is try to make ourselves a better version of ourselves, which is what you have been doing. I don’t think your family feel you are a burden. Please, go easy on yourself.
Skald, we’ve never really interacted but I didn’t want to read and not post. I’m sorry things seem so shit. But your family loves you. This isn’t retribution. It’s late and you’re unwell and it all seems overwhelming right now. Hang in there. Tomorrow you’ll be better able to cope.
If it helps the tiniest bit, an internet stranger is thinking of you and wishing you well. hugs
I’m so sorry to read of your distress! Sending you my strongest healing vibes and best wishes for a speedy recovery.
I know you’re scared, but please be kinder and gentler toward yourself. You can’t change the past, leave that be. Keep your focus on getting stronger, being better, fighting a way forward.
Hang in there dude. If it was really 4 in the morning where you are when you posted, well, that’s probably the worst time of day. I hope the doctors figure out what’s ailing you. Until then, come in here and tell us how rotten you feel, and we’ll try to cheer you up. Your posts have cheered me up many a time so I’ll try to return the favor.
Skald, I’m very sorry to hear your pain. As others have said upthread, don’t be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes and do the wrong thing but we also learn from these mistakes and become better people. I can’t claim to know you aside from these boards (my loss there and I mean that sincerely) but from knowing you here, you’re one of the good ones.
Hang in there and know that a whole lot of folks think highly of you and wish you well.
Skald your OP brought tears to my eyes. Hang in there, my friend. There’s no such thing as divine retribution. Take comfort in the love of your family and in our love.
Skald your greatest enemy right now is the unknown - and not knowing what is going on brings out your innermost feelings.
In my experience the thing about hospitals is they pretty much know what they are doing; modern medicine is good. I remember that fact every time one of those I wish I lived in a different era conversations come up.
I’ve been hospitalized a few times and each time I thought I was in deep trouble. I was wrong, just merely uninformed, as are you. You will recover.
Regarding your fears, your naked feelings posted for the world to see - the thing is you have those fears, you recognize them, and you aren’t afraid to articulate them for everyone to read. That means you have the desire, and no doubt the will to tend to them once you recover.
I’m not a fan of higher powers or deeper meanings, but I can guarantee you this: In this huge world of ours in all our history, someone has already gone through what you are going through successfully. That means you can too. So therefore you job is not to find out if you can prevail but rather how you* will** prevail*.
For you, our prayers – and we’ll call in the whole congregation.
There was a time in the hospital when these three doctors were huddled together and talking about me; never a good sign. They were up front that I was not doing well and they had no firm idea what was causing it all. But they kept doing their jobs and I cooperated as best we can. And I’m still here all these years later being a pain to as many people as possible. Give it some time and be a good patient and my money’s on you.
