…and to top it off my shoes are too loose. I need to tie them tighter, if only I had the energy. Its so annoying to have to curl my toes when I walk.
Did I mention I ain’t gots no lunch and my only breakfast was a fortune cookie? The fortune only read “SUCKER!!”.
Po po pitiful me.
You will fall completely to pieces by the end of the month.
At least you had a chance to eat the cookie and the paper. I can only dream of eating a piece of fortune cookie paper. (no lunch for me either, and I didn’t feel like eating this morning).
Mmmmmmmmm. A nice crisp piece of paper. Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a piece of shiny fortune cookie paper right now, letting the fibers melt in my mouth, and the ink just leaving my tastebuds awash in green-ink goodness.
Hm. A stack of post-it notes. Maybe that will hold me over til dinner.
HEY!! Getcher OWN pity thread! 
Have you brushed your teeth yet? You might be able to live on plaque until dinner-time. 
Ya know, its amazing what you can find stuck under public benches.
Perhaps you should forage?
You had paper?!?
Luxury!
We used to Dream of having a scrap of paper…t’would have been a feast! We had to suck on pebbles that we scrounged out of a nearby greasepit.
Live in the greaspit? Of course not! There was a five year waiting list just to get to lean against it! We were content the lot of us in our gutter…
Ah, as I sit at my desk with belly extended from a lunch paid for by the company. And not those icky sandwiches but I real lunch at a restaurant.
I guess you don’t want to hear about tangerine chicken and rice. And we didn’t even have to hear too much business speak.
Uhm sorry just got lost in the memory–maybe you could try scrounging the candy the secretary keeps on her desk.
or you could eat the secretary.
I found a cough drop in my desk. Mmm… refreshing.
I have some antihistamines and leftover duck sauce in my desk drawer. You could probably whip up something tasty with those.
Have you tried snacking on your toes, Whammo? Come on, you know you want to. That corn-chippy aroma…mmmmm…you’re dying to know if they taste like corn chips too, aren’t you? Maybe a little salsa, or some melted cheese on them? Oh yeah. 
[sub]Do I get the prize for the first corn-chip foot reference in this thread?[/sub]
THINNER
[sub]Say “Hi” to Richard Bachman for me.[/sub]
Thank goodness they DONT stink like cornchips today or I would go insane from hunger!
Here I sit still at work Pacific time and all you stinkin eastern time zone bastages have already finished dinner probaby! 
I am not particularly amused by frivolous joking about starving to death. Maybe that’s because a few years ago, I really almost DID starve to death. It’s a long story, but imagine yourself in a foreign land and your host family absconded with your meal money and they don’t feed you for weeks on end. I lost 35 pounds in about 3 weeks, I ended up in the hospital. Unless you’ve been to the emergency room, please do not joke that you’re “literally starving to death.”
Um, Chas?
I could send you, like, some home baked scones or something.
Al.
and I can make you a big fat antihistamine sandwich.
If you eat your crusts, you can have some scotch tape for dessert!
Whammo, dude. I totally owe you a 30-pack when we meet. I always have to open every thread you start because a) the thread title never, EVER fails to make me bust my balls laughing and 2) the creamy center is always just as tasty as the crusts.
–Tim
b) I am not particularly amused by people who are thin skinned. I have blonde hair. NO BLONDE JOKES PLZ!THNX! :rolleyes: Whatever dude. Go insult Monster104 some more.
–Tim
The only thing I want to add is that I am quickly falling in love with Homer. As in all my infatuations at SDMB, do not reveal this to Mr. Beckwall.
(I was gonna make a joke about eating blonde hair, but since
it is an actual affliction I thought it would be in poor taste.)