Scare me, just for fun

Touches Montoya’s cheek with one wizened finger

“T 'inner.”

Bilious Fever?

Its a tapeworm.

Its set up housekeeping in your intestines, and is laying eggs in all your major organs. Soon, as its sentience increases, it will start to “improve” upon your organs.

The movie “The Thing” will no longer be funny to you.

Tapeworm in the brain?

The only thing funny about The Thing is Wilford Brimley swinging an axe.

No, not slighted.

No, not struck. It was the puns. She cursed you because of the puns.

Definitely stomach cancer. I know somebody who had it, and their symptoms were exactly the same as yours. They were dead in less than a year.

:eek: Too much? (I made it up just to scare you.)

Remember the night that you dreamed you were a snake and swallowed an egg whole? Wondering why your TMJ seemed really bad the next morning? Still can’t find your bowling ball? Mmmhmm. The answer is in the questions, grasshopper.

Congratulations! You’re on your way to being a Breatharian! Or a Lizard Person!

Well, one night I dreamed I was eating a five pound marshmallow and when I woke up, half my pillow was gone.

you’re pregnant

Just like the old gypsy woman said!

I always wondered what happened to Patricia Arquette…

The good news is that you’re as [del]attractive[/del] healthy as an ox, scrappy as a honey badger and destined to live a good, long life!

However, at the end of that good, long life, there is no God and therefore no heaven.

… but, that’s not the bad news.

You see, while Richard Dawkins et al are correct about the non-existence of God, resent research in the field of deadology proves conclusively that Satan does exist. Not only that, but you and everyone else are going to hell for all of eternity. To make matters worse, the deadologists all agree that the real hell makes Dante’s version seem like a walk in the park.

… so, sleep tight.

Obi Wan never told you the truth, but you somehow knew it all along, and now your body is reacting to the intuition you’ve suppressed,


Trump, is your father!


what? He said to scare him!