:dubious: :dubious: I read Tee’s “mildly bullied” as meaning no more than “good-naturedly nagged” about getting out there and meeting people, accepting introductions to single people they know, etc.
Which ISTM is reasonable to expect from friends and family members to whom one has complained about being unhappy with one’s single status.
The ability of we humans to misread the intentions of others, to instead interpret through filters of past experience and predispositions, is great.
Sometimes we interpret well intended concern and attempts at problem-solving, perhaps misplaced, as something other than what it is. Sometimes we (especially those of us with less secure images of our selves) see insults or bullying where such was not the intent. Some people are primed to see it, based on their histories.
Whatever Tee meant I think having solid social connections, with family, developing lasting friendships, romantic ones … requires having the ability to tolerate that which you experience as mild bullying. The pattern of cutting off any and all contact with the asses of anyone, including family, that does something that is interpreted as mild bullying is one that will unavoidably result in social isolation.
Of course one should not tolerate longstanding patterns of significant mistreatment. Sometimes cutting off contact is appropriate. But damn those who do it without very good cause and do not cut others some significant slack for mistakes made and the possibility of misunderstanding each other, will be very lonely people.
Recapping what I think has been covered here -
Social isolation can cause dysfunction.
Dysfunction can cause social isolation.
Those who are isolated may be seeing the world through a filter and engaging in behaviors feed-forwards into more isolation and the way the world responds to those who are isolated does the same.
Those who feel that no one else has a sympathetic ear may gravitate to those who do, even those people are otherwise horrible people. Once part of that group they are at risk of becoming influenced by the others if antisocial ways.
We have hardly any actual data and are all spitballing but the actual numbers of people who have done violent acts in the name of this ideology is small and they may be the same people who would have done something in any case and just found an ideology to attach too. Many more of those who are celibate but want to not be, are just sad and lonely. Many others find other things that give them positive feedback and connections. We don’t hear much about those people.
Does that pretty much cover it?
I’m only responding to the words he/she used.
I read the same words. Maybe interpreted them differently.
What I read was saying that meeting people requires making some effort and tolerating some discomfort. Inclusive of what may feel like mild bullying from friends and family.
What you read was keying in on experiencing a cause to cut off contact with friends and family and to stay isolated.
I think we have different filters. Maybe mine are biased due to being part of family cut off by a sister who now is pretty much alone in life. It is possible.
I think so.
“Well, Art is Art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.”
Groucho Marx