This has been on my mind for a long time and I’ve been wanting your opinions on it.
We know the tendency for family members to be biased when telling you the truth. If you have really bad singing you’ll make it to the auditions of American Idol without too many people saying that you suck and then get demolished by Simon.
But I’ve also noticed when you ask people for their opinions on how you look most will be reluctant to actually tell you. Not only that but some will tell you that “your really beautiful” or X part of your body is really beautiful.
This happened to me when I went to the dentist. She asked me why I don’t smile and I said that I don’t really like my teeth. I personally find them big and proclined. I’ve been bullied for it by various people in various ways. During school it was more direct (people saying that I have ugly teeth, mimicking the way my mouth opens because of my teeth) to the workplace where some people stared at my mouth regularly and looked at me in my eyes. Anyway she though I had really beautiful teeth.
Even my family says they’re okay. But perhaps its because I’m African and it quite common for that to occur.
For all those who are thinking that I have a self esteem issue. I don’t. I am not obsessed with my teeth. I think i more handsome when I smile with my mouth closed. And interestingly, my dislike of my two front teeth did not arise from peoples reactions but when I first saw them after getting my braces removed at 9. I found them quite unappealing.
I just think that its better to be honest with someone about how they look because lies only deceive them. What do you think?
I think the world tells people in a million ways (big and small) about whether or not they are objectively attractive. I see no benefit in hearing that sort of criticism from those you love. Presumably, their love for you is more than just skin deep.
Features that one person finds attractive may not be attractive to others. You apparent’y don’t like the way your teeth look. That doesn’t mean everyone agrees with you.
Personally, I don’t find myself attractive, but over the years I’ve accepted (happily) that other people do.
My husband regularly tells me I’m gorgeous. Not in a like, ''how do I look?" way, but in a way he’ll just burst out, usually while I’m talking about something that’s making me happy and/or infuriating me (I think he finds my aggressive side sexy), ‘‘God, you’re gorgeous!’’
His opinion is in no way objective. My actual physical attractiveness seems to vary pretty significantly depending on a lot of factors, and even at my hottest I’ve never exactly been a traffic-stopper.
Yet I don’t think for a second he’s lying about how attractive he finds me personally. Yes, of course he’s biased, he’s in love with me.
But everybody is biased by their own internal standard. Beauty is entirely subjective.
One of my favorite nieces is both fat and plain-faced. I will never say that to her face unless she simply demands an honest assessment, and if some jackass hurts her feelings with a brutally “honest” remark, it breaks my heart. That’s my baby, man.
It’s possible that my stepdaughter is merely pretty rather than heart-thumpingly beautiful, as I perceive her to be. How the hell would I know?
My bio kids are, if course, indescribably wonderful.
Agreement with Skald the Rhymer. I have close relatives who aren’t pretty, but I don’t care, because, to me, their smile is the most wonderful greeting in the world.
My sister, my car, my house, and my dog. To me, they’re all the greatest the world has to offer.
Also, it helps that you’re probably happy when you’re around your best-loved family. And a smile is an immediate 15% charisma boost. A smile is the “one-second makeover.” If you’re happy, you’re automatically a bunch more attractive.
(Ever had the misfortune of seeing your best-beloved lose temper and fly into a rage? Whoa! Ug-ly! Snarling fury cuts 65% away from anyone’s charisma!)
And someday, someone is going to find your fat, plain-faced baby genuinely attractive. Probably somebody already does. And he won’t be lying, it’s just the simple fact that people have different standards for beauty.
One of my sons appologizes for not being able to give and unbiased assessment because he’s “looking through the love goggles.” I think that’s a good way to describe it.
Because most people are afraid of reprisal or negative consequences. Tell someone the unpleasant truth and you will significantly harm that relationship.
I’m wary of people who taut they’re brutal honesty. Most are far more brutal than honest and what comes out of their mouths typically says more about them than anyone else.
And set the precent that she gets to behave like a 5-year-old?
About the original question: I know someone who doesn’t like her two front teeth. And she’s right, they’re not great. But they’re not that bad—nobody cares. People tend to focus on their own imperfections much more than other people do.
I used to have a cat named Bebe. Her black and white marking gave her face a rather unconventional appearance. I would have never picked her out if she had been at the pound with all those conventionally cute cats. But a coworker needed to re-home her. I volunteered without even knowing what she looked like.
Because Bebe was the sweetest cat in the world, I quickly fell in love with her. And suddenly I stopped seeing the weirdness of her face and just saw her as my little Bebe. Everyone else would make fun of her looks, though. But if they had grown to know her as I did, they wouldn’t have thought she was so “weird” looking.
“Honest” family members are the kind of people you don’t want at your Thanksgiving dinner or wedding. They sound good in theory, but in practice, they are terrible human beings who don’t know when to STFU.
The dentist said you have beautiful teeth?! The dentist? Trust her, she sees a lot of teeth, and has no real reason to lie to you.
I wore braces for what seemed an eternity. The first week after they came off, I kept going to the mirror, and not smiling so much as baring my teeth at the mirror to look at them. I thought they looked weird, too. Maybe go up to a mirror and try a natural smile. Think of something that makes you happy, so it looks as natural as possible. Don’t focus on your teeth, just the overall picture of what your smiling face looks like.
They might not be lying to you!
I don’t think that people focus on your teeth while you smile. I think they take in the whole look of the face. I usually try to look at their eyes, to see if the smile is genuine, or if they are faking smile. And to me, a no teeth smile almost always looks forced.
Even the smiley = doesn’t look as happy as the big grin =
I’m sure your face has changed a lot since you were 9 years old, so maybe that opinion is no longer valid.
My opinion: Our society has gotten so obsessed with physical appearance that our sense of self-worth has gotten wrapped up in it. Personally, I can’t stand the way women are encouraged by being told “You’re beautiful. Everyone is beautiful.” as though she wouldn’t be a worthy person unless she was pleasing to the eye. So if you are to honestly tell a person that his ears look funny or her nose is too big, you are, in this day and age, making a comment about the person’s self-worth. (Which is to say, no, you’re not literally making a comment on their self-worth, but because of how physical attractiveness is perceived, it comes across that way.) And hardly anyone would find it appropriate to criticize another person’s self-worth.
doesn’t look as happy as the big grin = 