We need to leave yesterday.
But here’s what I don’t get. They never seem to take any effort to correct it. If you are always 20 minutes late then get started 20 minutes before you plan to. Set a timer so you’re in the shower 10 minutes instead of your normal 30. Don’t pick that time to do a load of dishes or if they have to get done start earlier.
I admit there are people that through disability cannot be on-time without support, whether extreme ADD, executive dysfunction, etc. But even then they seem reticent to change their system to be on time. For those who talk about anxiety, don’t you want to alleviate some of the stress by doing something different to try to be on time?
And I think that’s where the next question is: Those who are habitually late to everything, why don’t you change your behavior to be on-time? Get started earlier. Set a timer. Make a schedule. Some here have answer that they don’t give an F about being on time, but for those that do, why do you continue to do the same things that cause you to be late to every thing?
My friend told me, to my face, that everyone else was invited at 8 and i was invited at 7:45. I’d have to be extremely stupid not to understand that. My friend was actually joking, it was me who said, “that’s a good idea, that’s what I’ll write in my calendar.”
But… That gave me permission to show up at 7:45. Which actually happened once or twice. I mean, usually, i rolled in at 8. But it was sort of freeing to aim for 7:45.
In an outburst of time management and executive function, I’ve delayed answering this thread in order to get other things done. In a probable failure of both of those things, I’ll now delay going to bed in order to answer.
If they could consistently be there always the same length of time late, then they could consistently be there on time. Whatever difficulty the particular person’s having with being on time, that same difficulty will make the degree of lateness erratic.
Interesting. I don’t fall neatly into either set of characteristics on that chart, or sometimes even neatly in or out of any individual listed item. (That doesn’t surprise me; I’m that annoying person who when asked an either-or question answers both, or neither, or does not apply.)
@CoWinkyDink, thanks for weighing in. I think people who are late aren’t all late for the same reason, or the same combination of reasons; just like (if I dare make another comparison to a physical condition) there are multiple reasons why somebody might have trouble climbing stairs; and for that matter some may have more than one of them.
Yup. But unfortunately I feel rushed just by being expected to show up somewhere at a set time; even if I manage to be early for it.
We’ve got people in this thread seriously upset if someone’s outside a ten-minute arrival time for something that they will in no way miss because of it. They’re not upset because they’re going to miss a train; as near as I can tell, they’re upset because they think the other person’s breaking the rules.
Some seem to be equally upset by the suggestion that a person taking them to something that really will mess them up if they’re late could avoid that by arriving early, at least if the early person’s not willing to hide somewhere down the block and instead wants to come inside.
In my case, I’ll be aiming for 6 to 6:15.
That’s for sure.
Why do you think we can all be lumped in together as reacting the same way?
Why not just go without her?
To a party or similar event? I agree with that. To take somebody for a ride to the airport, having discussed before that the driver will need to show up early in order to avoid being late? That’s not at all the same situation.
Did either of you discuss with the other people that you were making this your highest priority, and ask that anyone who couldn’t make it their highest priority event agree to just not come?
Were you growing one to a dozen varieties each of between 30 and 40 different crops, on a wide variety of different planting and harvest schedules, requiring different handling at planting, in the field, at harvest, and post-harvest, sold by three or four different sales techniques, plus managing one of the farmers’ markets on the side?
No, I do not do 99% the same thing day after day. No, I am not doing it wrong. I am doing it differently. You clearly haven’t the faintest idea of what I am doing and are in no position to tell me I’m doing it wrong.
I’m not late for everything. I am often late for a lot of things.
And yes, as far as my friends go that probably has something to do with it. I prioritize kindness, and after that a variety of interesting minds; others may have other priorities. But that factor wouldn’t explain the box order customers, the certification inspectors, the state FMNP inspector, the restaurant operators, the vet., the doctor and dentist and car mechanic, the contractors who built the packing shed –
Why on earth do you think you’re entitled to demand I answer every question you feel like asking me? None of us owe you either our medical records or any statement about them. I have already said in this thread, and repeated it in what you just quoted, that I can’t keep track of the time unless I’m paying so much attention to the clock that it interferes with getting anything else done. You can believe me or not believe me; up to you.
Nobody’s said anything of the sort; at any rate, nobody other than people claiming they know exactly why we’re doing things, while ignoring the reasons people are actually giving.
Yup. Generally considerably later.
Multiple people have said in this thread that we make a lot of effort to correct it. You’re not seeing that effort; you’re just seeing what you think are inadequate results. You’ve no idea how late the person would have been without effort.
And again, it’s not a matter of being consistently 20 minutes late. It’s a matter of sometimes being two minutes late, sometimes 15, sometimes 20, occasionally more. And sometimes early.
Because the alternative is to get nothing else done that day. Which, very likely, will itself screw other people up.
Or, sometimes, to get up at three in the morning; and drive while falling asleep. Thereby risking really screwing somebody else up.
Because that would have caused an epic fight that would be way worse than getting there late with her. Between that and her horrendous money management skills, our relationship was untenable. We split over ten years ago and we are still friends. She’s great if I don’t have to rely on her.
Exactly this!
Splitting up sounds like a massive win. 
Makes sense. Sorry if the question was intrusive!
I don’t know anybody that is consistently late. I don’t think I ever have. It’s not that rare of a thing.
Thank you for your great insight in this thread. I don’t know how anyone got along without you. 
No, you don’t owe anyone anything, but if you keep comparing your lateness to disabilities, it’s fair to ask what disability you have.
No, but 99% of farmers don’t do that either. Has it occurred to you that you are overextended and you should cut back on something? Like doing 20 crops and doubling the yield? You are making it more complex than you have to.
It would if everyone you do business with knows you are late for things and don’t seem to care about it. As for the doctor, dentist stuff, sometimes they run late, but it not a constant thing. I can’t remember the last time a doctor of any kind kept me waiting for more than a few minutes. And I don’t know anybody that thinks being a few minutes late occasionally is a problem. It’s being late consistently that is the problem.
They didn’t know me at all, to start with. Some of them I only met the once.
Has it occured to you that you should stop telling other people how to run businesses that you obviously don’t understand?
Sorry, it just seems like you have way more problems farming than most people. For most farmers having machinery break down or having a potato bug infestation are not a regular part of farming. Does it happen? Sure, just not all the time and it’s generally not something that sets you out of whack for long periods of time. Farming communities are usually eager to help others out. Ask your neighbors if they have the same problems as you and what they do about it.
Oh, good grief. I didn’t say that I have machinery breakdowns or potato bug infestations all the time. I said that I’m not doing the same thing over and over 99% of the time – which you kept insisting is what all farming is like – and that much of what I do involves things that don’t take a set amount of time because I’m continually having to adjust for a wide number of various factors.
And why on earth would you think I don’t already talk to my neighbors? They actually have some idea what I’m doing. You’re only making it clearer and clearer that you don’t.
I’m sorry I offended you. You voluntarily came into this thread to answer questions and I went too far and hurt your feelings. I’ll ask you no further questions.
Interesting. I’ve waited more than an hour to see mine. It’s a common enough problem in the practice that they have a sign on the wall, with the names of the providers, and an indicator of which ones are on time, a little late, or very late. While it’s annoying when doctors run late, i find it correlates with doctors who will listen to what i am concerned about, and not just hurry me through. But it’s not just my PCP who runs late. The eye doctor and most other specialists i see often run late, too. The survey they send me asks if i was seen within 15 minutes of my appointment time, and I usually answer “no”.
I find that people who deliver and service appliances (new fridge, HVAC repair…) often run late, or will show up an hour before they said they would, although they usually call and check before doing that.
You are speaking exactly like someone who knows nothing whatsoever about farming. Please stop.
My takeaway from this thread:
People who are extremely punctual are often extremely intolerant of unpunctuality. They may imagine they are curious about why others have trouble with it, but in reality they only want to know so that they can ‘fix’ it, through berating, practical advice, guilt-tripping, or a combination of these. The last thing possible for them is understanding, acceptance, or adapting. They see this as capitulation to grievous sin.
People who are extremely unpunctual are that way for a complex of reasons individual to them. Causes range from anxiety, a disorderly type of life, inability to estimate how long things take, too much multi-tasking, attention deficit disorder, or an impervious obliviousness to others and their needs. This latter reason is the only one that the first group can acknowledge, somehow.
I am punctual because deadlines make me anxious, others’ expectations of me make me anxious, and in general people make me anxious, and being on time eliminates some of that anxiety. However, I have found that the virtue of punctuality is very often its own punishment, as I am so often waiting for others who lack the urgency I have, to arrive. Thus, over many years, I have gradually let go of punctuality as a virtue except for the few types of occasions for which it is important.
I think that there is a spectrum of what is acceptable, much of it culturally dependent. But if your lateness is a problem to the extent that other people in your life have to treat you like a child and lie to you about when an event starts, it’s time to realize that you have a problem and address it like an adult.
My granddad (WWII) and my dad (Vietnam) were military men, so we were brought up accordingly. Punctuality was something ingrained in us from childhood. “On time” meant “almost late” so, as a result, I’m virtually never late for anything. I’ve been here for 8 1/2 years, and I was 3 minutes late one time, and that was because of a blizzard. There was no one here to notice, believe me. LOL
The point is that I take a very dim view of people who have no respect for other people’s time. They always have an excuse. They’ll leave home so late that they need light traffic, all green lights, no trains, etc, to just barely make it to work on time. How often does that happen in real life, especially during commuting time? Then, when they’re late, they lament their bad fortune.
I think that’s a good summary. Thanks.
Your experience matches mine. I don’t think I’ve ever had an in-person doctor’s appointment start on time, whether for myself or for my children. It’s typically 15-20 minutes past the appointment time, and I’d guess an average of a half hour. I have waited over an hour in the past. Even as a kid I remember going to the pediatrician and just hating the seemingly interminable wait and my dad always bitching about why the heck they even bother with scheduled appointment times if they’re not going to honor them.