Don’t need to read their minds. Their actions speak loud and clear. Once in a while, sure, no problem at all. Late all the time, well that says something. And that something says that they don’t care if they inconvenience you or screw up your plans.
There are many, many ways to fix that. But they don’t care. Again I ask, do people with ‘Time Blindness’ also show up early?
Thought so.
I’ve seen it happen, yes.
No because “time blindness” is underestimating how long things take and getting lost in thought and missing the passing of time. It would be a much more useful discussing if you’d stop with the strawman arguments. People who are habitually late are not monolithic in their dysfunction. They range from narcissistic assholes (who are on time only when it suits them) to people who are very bad about time management and feel terrible about putting people out.
This is coming from someone who is pathologically punctual.
But, as I said, I really do have experience of people who I would classify as “time blind” show up early to events. They are late the clear majority of the time (like 85%+), but if they are not mentally engaged in something else before the event, they’ll show up early or on time.
I’m also punctual. And I set alarms for things. Anything from when the laundry is done, and of course cooking. I can’t here the buzzer on the oven for instance. So I set an alarm. Not that hard to do.
I have a work calendar that I can get to from anywhere. And a personal calendar that reminds me of things. And my phone that I set alarms on.
Even though I work from home now, it is good to know when someone will be coming by. If I’m not going anywhere, there is no need for a set time. BUT if I have errands to run I need to know a time when they will be here.
Why aren’t they early? Sure a bit of a straw man. But time blindness is too. “Time got away from me” would be a better way to put it. And that happens to everyone. But if it happens regularly, there are many ways to fix it. If they care to.
What I do is tell them that I have errands to run and I need to leave at 2:00. If you can’t be here by 1:00 then don’t bother and we’ll make it another time. I am not going to “fix” anyone. I can manage things so that it doesn’t negatively affect me. I don’t expect people to have the same skills as me.
Yes, but it’s a lot easier for some people than for others. I say this as a person who is usually more or less on time at enormous effort, due to the magic of cell phone alarms. I try to live my life with as few things as possible at fixed times, because each one is a burden.
Your want to stop by and play with my kittens? Sure, come some time this afternoon. No, i don’t want to know exactly when. Ring the bell when your get here.
But that’s not the way to bet.
One of our family friends is an always 20 minute late sort.
She moved a 1,000 miles away to take a civilian job with the US Air Force, she was fired within 30 days.
Some of these arguments is that it is too hard to be on time. Why?
Why do you take a 40 minute shower rather than just soaping up, rinsing off and getting out?
Why are you in the bathroom 20 minutes after your morning pee?
Why do you insist it is a 20 minute drive when time and again it has never been less than 30 minutes?
I contend that if it were important to these people they would be on time. It is amazing that when we have shore excursions during cruises that the Mrs can figure out how to pee and then take a quick shower and then her morning toiletries in 30 minutes and be on time.
Many of these excuses strike me as similar to those given by math students including the ever popular, “I’m not good at math.” No, I see you during class and it’s because you’re making no effort whatsoever.
One of the other things is the interpretation that 10am somehow doesn’t mean 10am. Some here have contended that them rolling up at 10:20 or 10:25 is good enough because [insert reason here] as to be there at 10am. So why do I bring up the “When you said 10am you gotta understand time is subjective and nebulous and fluid and a concept and 10:20 is like 10am for me and you need to respect that.” argument again? Because I’m your boss and I know that I’m supposed to pay you $10 per hour but I only pay you $9.80 per hour because hey its close enough and I’m just like that when it comes to money and you need to respect that. In my social group of bosses that’s how it’s done. I also have dollar-blindness so you need to accommodate me.
You can be damned sure they would say 10 = 10, not 9.80 and that I need to figure it out.
I noticed the professors that argued in class there is no such thing as reality get really pissy about their retirement pension for some reason.
Are those supposed to be gotchas? It’s contextual. Sometimes 7 pm means on the dot. Sometimes it means or an hour or so. If I tell you my party starts at 7, I don’t expect guests until 8 unless you’re from a low context culture. But for a job? Yeah, you’d better be there at 7.
I’m sorry for your troubles, I really am, and that it’s a burden.
Do understand that it can be a burden for people that are and have to be on time. Someone that’s late can mess up everything.
I’m late because leaving the house is the last thing I did!
I’ll text when I’m close, I won’t ghost ya!
If you’ve read her posts, I suspect she understands. Anyway, I’m out. There’s no point.
The context is: I need you to pick me up at 10am and you agree.
People who are absolutely convinced that they know the motivations of other people, no matter what arguments there are to the contrary, are some of the scariest people there are.
I don’t care about the motivations of people on either side of this.
This I do know, people that make, but will not adhere to a simple social contract can hurt me. I don’t force anyone into some strict time schedule, just do what you say you are going to do. Let me know if you can’t.
You would be astonished to experience the complexity, for some people, of what is a simple social contract, to you. But I know that it is very rare that people for whom a thing is easy, to have empathy for those for whom it is not.
Because I have some profound (and invisible) disabilities, I have the opportunity to get a glimpse of what it is like for those for whom the things I do with great ease are nearly impossible. I have come to be grateful for this.
Do you make promises or commitments that because of your disability are effectively impossible to keep?