Why are you always late?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
903

I am exactly the same way - I am very time-conscious, and try my best to never be late.

My wife is the exact opposite and it drives me nuts. If she is supposed to be somewhere at 3:30, she shows up at 4:00. If she is supposed to be somewhere at 4:00, she shows up at 4:30. If she is supposed to be somewhere at 4:30, she shows up at 5:00.

I’ve mentioned to her that it’s generally considered rude & inconsiderate to be late. She had no response. It’s then that I realized the root of the problem: she simply doesn’t care that she’s late.

904

Yeah, you and i should not hang out together. We’d drive each other nuts. I’m not going to say you are right, nor claim that i am right. (I think you are wrong about the disrespect thing, but you feel what you feel.) But there are pairs of people who are mutually incompatible, and we are such a pair.

905

Time blindness may be a real condition, but it’s a condition that can and should be accommodated for by the person afflicted with it, not those who suffer as a result of it (e.g. friends, service providers, employers).

It would be great if there was some type of device that actually kept track of time that you could wear on a part of your body, like for example an ankle, or a wrist. Oh, wait—there is. And, it’s easy to get in the habit of looking at it on a regular basis.

And today it’s even easier than in days gone by to set alarms on your phone (which most people have on their person every waking moment), or on their wristwatch.

I don’t particularly have a problem with time perception (except for perceiving it accelerating as I get older. Weeks seem to fly by at the speed on light these days), but I still set alarms for appointments, just in case. In fact, I have my alarm set to ding an hour before my dentist appointment today (lucky me; nothing more pleasant that getting your teeth drilled).

If someone with time-blindness has trouble judging how long a task takes, like driving to work, then they should err on the side of being early, not late. To do otherwise demonstrates that they place more value on their own time, instead of those who suffer as a result of their lateness. That’s selfish.

Maybe some folks are willing to accept chronic lateness in their chronically tardy friends (though I wouldn’t, if their lateness wastes a lot of my time), but employers certainly should not have accommodate for chronically late employees. At the very least, as an employer, I would have the chronically late employee make up the time they wasted X 2, or dock their hourly pay X 2 for the time lost. This assumes it’s a business that can adjust to lateness in that manner. I think, in most cases, peoples’ time-blindness would improve significantly, if not vanish completely if they too had to suffer the consequences of their lateness.

IOW, if you have time blindness, accommodate for it yourself, don’t expect others to do so for you.

906

No, that’s not true. It’s the sort of thing I don’t do when wrapped up in something.

I assure you i am late for dinner because i lost track of time while engaged in work by many more minutes then I’m late starting my day. Among the many alarms i set are “time to leave work”.

907

Stupid person says stupid thing. Film at eleven. NY pist takes that stupid young person and makes her into a spokesperson for her entire generation to rile up their aging readers. Film at eleven thirty.

I did like the comment “I guarantee she gets mad if her Doordash is five minutes late.”

I’m leaving the typo.

908

It means that we just don’t go to things together that are (to me) time sensitive. It doesn’t generally matter if we leave for a hike half an hour late. It does matter to me if we miss the beginning of a show at a club. We can go on the hike together and we can drive separately to the show and hang out when you get there.

My friend Kay always wants to go to shows with me and sometimes dinner before the show. It’s always the same thing. I tell her, “you know me, we can meet at Intermezzo at 6:00 but if you can’t make it then I’m getting dinner without you and I’ll see you at the club.” She always calls me at 5:30 and says that she can’t make it. We finally agreed to get dinner on a night where there isn’t a time constraint.

Kay isn’t being selfish. She gets it and we’ve worked out a way to hang out. My ex girlfriend mentioned multiple times upthread 100% is being selfish. She doesn’t give a fuck who she makes wait and gets enraged when she’s the one left waiting. We’re still friends but I’ll never rely on her.

909

Speaking as a person who has trouble keeping track of time, I’d be shocked if she noticed her doordash was 5 minutes late. I sure as hell wouldn’t.

910

Yeah, I got the impression that comment came from someone who either doesn’t understand the concept of time-blindness or doesn’t believe it exists.

911

It’s true that smart phones are a game changer, though. Both in that it’s easy to set up a lot of alarms and alerts, and also it’s easy to contact the other party when stuff happens. I’m late far less often than i used to be, and pretty much never significantly late without giving an updated eta to the other party.

912

My wife’s former boss did that. Bearing in mind that most people at her work left early about 1:00 to 2:00 (yes, they did not work a full shift) he actually appreciated her coming in 2 hours late so that someone was actually there until 6pm. Technically it was making up her tardiness due to her work assignment but in reality it was shifting her shift to deal with no one around in the afternoons. In fact, she was one of the few there that worked her full shift.

913

Unless you pull the snooze alarm rationale and say, “Just 5 more minutes.”

914

About 10 years ago, my FIL passed on. My wife was one chosen to speak. While it was very good speech, one emphasis she wrote down was that her father taught her to always be on time.

Her father taught her that. And she sticks to it.

Her Brother and SIL are always late to everything. I suggested to my wife to not include that in her speech because her brother is always late. I knew they would be late. And they where late. It would have been very hurtful, and not something to say at a funeral.

Late to a party? Fine, whatever, we’ll get it going without you. But some circumstances really really affect others. It changed my wife’s speech at her fathers funeral. Wanted to not hurt her brothers feelings. 'Cause, he’s always late.

What I’m trying to say is if you are habitually late, it may change more than you think.

My FIL told my wife that if you are late, you are just saying “Your time is more important than others time”. Unfortunate circumstances happen of course. But if you are always late well, what does that say?

915

Reminds me of that saying about a habitually late person, “They would be late for their own funeral”.

916

TBF, if there is ever a time to dawdle…

917
918

If I had a friend who was perpetually late, but whose company I enjoyed, I’d simply adjust the way I dealt with them. I wouldn’t ask them to join me at time-critical events, drive me to time-critical appointments or anything of that nature. But, if they were generally fun to be around, I’d still invite them to non-time-critical events…I’d simply include a caveat or two with the invitation.

Example: Hey Bob, I’m throwing a bash at my house this Friday night, starting at 8. Come anytime you want, but heads up: the booze, hookers, and blow are usually gone by 9, then we start singing Kumbaya and reciting religious tracts.

I bet Bob would show up at 8, on the dot.

919

Heh. I’ve shown up for kumbaya. And bailed because i realized I’d only be in time for the religious tracts.

920

Pity because you are one of my favorite people on the boards! But yes, I would definitely be CRAZY with chronic lateness.

921

Thanks! Perhaps we could overlap at a party sometime, when neither of us depends on the timing of the other.

922

That is one perspective. Another one is that you are imposing your own judgments on lateness and assigning motives and reasons to a person whose mind you cannot read. The lateness may be selfish; the lateness may be not. What the point in getting aggravated about it? This is coming from, once again, someone who absolutely hates being late. I feel there’s better ways of dealing with it. I live with people who are habitually late. I’ve found ways to manage other than getting pissed off every time it happens.