This is my choice. When I ask somebody for input, they think I said “Tell me what to do! Whatever YOU say, I swear, I shall do!” When I really said “Here’s my situation. What would YOU do?” I am looking for holes in my plan that I may have overlooked.
Of course, there is a pathology involved in their answers, also. They aren’t really trying to answer my problem. They want to lecture somebody on something they have wanted to lecture for years; they now believe they have found a disciple who awaits their every nugget of wisdom, regardless of the problem.
Sometimes people will ask for help, but what they are really asking for is affirmation for the choices they already made. Anything you say will be spun around to affirm their behavior. The best thing to do in these situations is to not make any judgments and force the person to judge their own behavior. You’ll probably fail, but it’s the best thing you can do.
At other times, it’s possible that the advice you think is so wonderful is not so very helpful. To give better advice, you may try to confirm what it is this person who is asking for you advice really wants. “You want to find a mechanic for a better price? Any kind of mechanic or one close to home? Do you want websites where you can do your own research, or do you want someone to research it for you? Do you want a new place or do you just really want me to say that the decision you already made was correct so that you don’t have to do any further work?”
In the hypothetical situation the OP described, maybe, but I think it goes deeper, and I suspect grude is also including examples where someone asks for solutions and doesn’t mention any potential solution they already thought of - they just ask for help in solving a problem, then slap down any and every suggestion anyone contributes - it can’t be that nobody ever delivers a decent answer.
Of course it’s always possible that the problem at hand has caused the asker to think long and hard already. In doing so, they may have already considered and then disqualified the very things you are suggesting.
This happens quite a bit at my house. As in, I’m considering how to accomplish or alter some thing in the house. I think about it a long time from many different angles before finally deciding what best suits. My husband on the other hand, gets his creative juices flowing just as we undertake the job. Now he’s full of design input! But the suggestions he’s tossing out have already been eliminated by me, for various reasons. So whatever he throws out, I already have the reason it was rejected, on the tip of my tongue. Because I thought it all through first! But hubby just hears his every suggestion being immediately shut down.
This could well explain what you’re experiencing, I think. Things got easier in my house when I learned to do a few simple things. Like pausing, like I’m considering it, before rejecting it. Or by beginning my rejection of his suggestion with the phrase, ‘You know, I thought of that too, but then I realized…’
This may be what you’re experiencing. It sounds like she is swiftly rejecting your advice, and shooting your every suggestion down. When in reality she has already thought about it a lot, including the suggestions you’re making, and so has her reason for rejection at the ready.
Not that there aren’t plenty of people who ask for advice when what they want is really affirmation. I’m just offering another possible reading of the situation, is all.