Why can't I make a cake?

Bland has nothing to do with your making it. Bland is lack of flavor. Add flavorful ingredients, if you think it bland. Try some lemon juice or almond extract in the cake.

People are covering the lack of rising so I won’t.

Word.

Bought an oven thermometer two weeks ago. Turns out my oven gauge was totally out of whack. Since I’ve adjusted to compensate to the correct temperatures, I have never baked such good cakes.

Also, have you got good baking soda? I mix mine myself from bicarbonate of soda and cream of tartar (1:2 ratio). It’s very effective; just right in terms of rising vs bubble size.

If something is drastically wrong with the procedure, measuring, oven temp or the ingredients themselves, it could account for both the disastrous lack of rising and the lack of flavour.
A cake that is too dry, or is chewy, hard (or whatever) may not taste the same as one that is light and moist.