Why can't pop up killers work on humans?

The BBQ Pit
1

I have dealt with smelly panhandlers, fast talking telemarketers, pushy clip-tie wearing door to door salespeople, zit-faced teenage magazine peddlers who are three sales away from seeing London, girl scouts who can charm you into a ten dollar box of truly shitty cookies…but never have I seen so inane, so brazen, and so awful a marketing stunt as I have just seen.

Tonight I had an evening class. We had an exam. Nearly all of us arrived early so that we could prepare for the exam. About five minutes before class starts a young man in a jogging suit with a clipboard walks in carefully.

“Is the instructor here yet?”…He wasn’t.

He then proceeds to introduce himself as a ‘trainer’. Perhaps he works with the athletic department, we weren’t sure what was up. Perhaps he was conducting the faculty evaluation - several months earlier than usual.

After his introduction he begins to work into a sales pitch. We were a little stunned at first, but after a minute it became clear. Some weasel thought it would be a good idea to pitch gym memberships to a ‘captive’ audience of students in the college classrooms while the professor was out.

I looked around and the whole class was just sitting their with their jaws dropped. Someone had to act.

Me “Excuse me, are you selling something…?”

Waste of his father’s sperm - “No, for any new members who sign up tonight the first workout is free!!”

Me " We do have a major exam in a minute we’d like to…"

Waste… “I apologize for any inconvenience…” - Well I guess he got the point - and the class was not looking happy. I figured he’d leave. Then he begins to hand out flyers! And he kept pitching.

Me - I…

Before anything got ugly, the professor arrived at the door, and I shut my mouth.

Waste…“Oops, I meant to find the sociology class?” He high tails out of there. The professor warns him not to come back. Since I didn’t get to finish what I was about to say there, I’ll say it here.
While I understand everyone must make a living somehow, right now I would have more respect for a hired ass-wiper than I do for you. I would love to have a schedule of your daily activities in order to attempt to inform you, at the least convenient possible time, how you could improve your level of physical fitness, mainly be keeping your head out of your anal sphincter when you are in the presence of others.

I hope this isn’t something people see a lot of.

2

What, there’s no gym membership ads on your classroom doors? No soda ads on the chalkboard? No carpet cleaning ads on the floor?

It’s only a matter of time until there’s ads on or talking to practically everything, it seems.

3

Was he wearing a hat?

I hate those guys that wear hats.
That was a pretty smarmy way of advertising his employer. When will the industry realise that bad publicity is actually bad publicity? Yeah, I’ve heard the arguments that all publicity is good, I just don’t agree. If a place/product/person annoys me with their ads, I won’t use/buy/vote for/reccommend/give money to/fellate them. Simple. I think quite a few people hold this same standard.

4

Maybe it’s worth writing a letter of complaint to the gym concerned, or getting the school to do it. CC to your local advertising standards ombudsman thingy.

I’m not sure it’s entirely legal to just walk onto the premises of an educational institution and start hawking products or services without some kind of permission.

I’d have thought you’d need authorisation even to put up a poster on a notice board?

5

Dude, that’s why we’re allowed to pack a rod in this country. If you’d have been your own pop-up killer I don’t think you’d have had any witnesses.

OK, maybe blasting the little fellah would be a bit extreme, but that sales tactic was way out of line. I can’t think of too many other situations where you’d want to annoy someone than a college classroom just before an exam.

Feel free to punch him in the nose when you see him next time. If anyone questions you, tell 'em Matchka said it would be OK.

6

Whenever I want to kill human popups, I just think of Ronald Reagan in nipple clamps. That takes care of them in about 3 nanoseconds.